If I were to follow my heart…where would I go?
If I were to step inside my mind, take the spiral stairs down, deep deep way down into the dungeon that is my heart, what would I find there?
I know all too well the oceans and rivers of tears I have cried, and the tears I have kept inside…the ones that ever burn and collide, breaking through raw scabs and never allowing the healing to get by….
I know the dangerous jagged edges to the rocks that have formed, scaling far into the sky of my soul, peeling down into the earthen roots of my spirit.
I have long watched as one wound appears, volcanic mush and ash shoot forth, spewing ragged ichor everywhere, pushing out any new growth, burning it to the ground, forcing me back to ground zero, compelling me to seek other surer footing on my journey.
I have flown through those stormy skies, weeping in wonder at the pain and the sheer lucidity of so many unheard dreams languishing powerlessly from within the corral, behind the stone walls, far back behind the moat, these things I built in order to protect myself from the cruelest of cruel, those who claim to care, to love me, to hold my best interests in their hearts….
I can turn my face away for as long as I can stop my ears from absorbing the noise. I can burrow my head in the sand, pretend no one of it exists, laugh and play and pretend to trust and to believe…but it never really touches the dead zone in me, where the things that should have been still hang from trees with insects sucking juices from their eyes, murdered in the name of love, slaughtered in the name of good intentions…there is no way to avoid the echo of my screams, of my please, as I seek to free me from this quagmire past, as I yearn to break out, fill the moat, scale the walls, fly and fly and fly some more…..
How do you let go of a lifetime of misery when it is the only thing you know?
Prompt Found With the TextyLadies here
