Here is a page in my art journal where I used the left-over watercolours from July's full moon dream board....
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Left-Overs
Here is a page in my art journal where I used the left-over watercolours from July's full moon dream board....
New Pictures In The New Journal
There is at least one more mandala-but it seems the darling daughter deleted that picture...so I will ahve to take a new pic and post it...but here's the start....
New Journal
Does this count as a moleskine notebook? It came with no labels whatsoever.
I was taken by my good friend Kerry to this lovely little shop called Three Sisters Crafts and Gifts at 129 E State St, O'Fallon, IL 6229. Alas, they have no website, or if they do it is not listed on their business card.
This place is a mecca for--darn near everything--ATCs, beading, they even had knitting stuff...I can't even begin to name all the amazing things--I want to LIVE there it is so cool.
I had been looking at alot of hand-made journals on etsy, my favourite addiction there. This one was better made, cheaper, and I had it in my hand instantly.
The boyfriend noticed that the pages were made w glitter in them when I first showed it to him in the store; I didn't see it til after I got it home. Says alot about me, huh?
Now, I had a series of pictures taken of it prior to this, but my daughter snagged the camera, deleted who knows what, and then took pictures of the disaster that is her room....
but here you go...
my first moley....
I was taken by my good friend Kerry to this lovely little shop called Three Sisters Crafts and Gifts at 129 E State St, O'Fallon, IL 6229. Alas, they have no website, or if they do it is not listed on their business card.
This place is a mecca for--darn near everything--ATCs, beading, they even had knitting stuff...I can't even begin to name all the amazing things--I want to LIVE there it is so cool.
I had been looking at alot of hand-made journals on etsy, my favourite addiction there. This one was better made, cheaper, and I had it in my hand instantly.
The boyfriend noticed that the pages were made w glitter in them when I first showed it to him in the store; I didn't see it til after I got it home. Says alot about me, huh?
Now, I had a series of pictures taken of it prior to this, but my daughter snagged the camera, deleted who knows what, and then took pictures of the disaster that is her room....
but here you go...
my first moley....
A New Award
And a spectacular one at that...
No offense to anyone else, but this has to be my favourite award every, given to me by a very special lady, whose artwork literally adorns my walls and my workspace. :-)
Thank you Sarah, for this award.
I shall display it proudly. :-)
Monday, July 27, 2009
I Made It On A Monday!
Ha! It's still Monday! I am too impressed with myself at the moment!
Manic Monday 177
What is one thing that you would change about yourself if you could?
No glasses...no contacts...and without surgery.
Otherwise, I want my hair long enough to sit on. :-)
Name three exotic countries you would like to visit:
Define exotic--just, not where I am now?
Wales, Scotland, Ireland
more? not exotic enough?
Okinawa, Egypt, Lebanon
What do you think the secret to life is?
knowing only you can make you happy--and if you aren't happy no one else is to blame and you are the only one who can fix that...it pays to know yourself and know what you want and what makes you happy...
Manic Monday 177
What is one thing that you would change about yourself if you could?
No glasses...no contacts...and without surgery.
Otherwise, I want my hair long enough to sit on. :-)
Name three exotic countries you would like to visit:
Define exotic--just, not where I am now?
Wales, Scotland, Ireland
more? not exotic enough?
Okinawa, Egypt, Lebanon
What do you think the secret to life is?
knowing only you can make you happy--and if you aren't happy no one else is to blame and you are the only one who can fix that...it pays to know yourself and know what you want and what makes you happy...
Hybrid J Gave Me An Award
And, yes, it took me, what, two weeks to post it here?
I had no real clue until tonight how much of an influence Hybrid J has had on me....sitting crossed legged on the floor of barnes & noble, going through the writers and writing books. I came across a book titled 'A Writer's Space' by Eric Maisel--and my first thought was, wow, I bet Hybrid J would love this one. It'll kick both our butts. :-)
Going through everything these past few weeks, Hybrid J is one of the few blogs I would drag myself around to the computer to check out what was going on on her blog. :-)
Here is the award she gave me, this time. I am very proud of this one.
Here, I shall cut and paste and change one name --so this will say exactly what it says on J's blog as well...simply because, well, it's been a long day...my dd is sick, like throwing up sick, and I am waiting for my phone to ring...waiting for a client I adore...
so, without further ado...my bit of thieving (and laziness) for the day...
Hybrid J passed this award to me as a token of my diligent in pursuing my writing as well as knowing when to slow down for recharge. I was very moved by her generosity and her sensitive understanding that we all needed encouragement along our creative journey. And what more encouraging than an award for trying hard!
I have to say, I think this is my first writing award as well.
It took me too long to decide to call myself Writer...and after deciding I can and should do it...I added Artist as well....
It's nice to be known...and recognized.
Give me a little bit to regain my whatever here and I shall pass this lovely award along to others....
THANK YOU, Hybrid J, my friend!
I had no real clue until tonight how much of an influence Hybrid J has had on me....sitting crossed legged on the floor of barnes & noble, going through the writers and writing books. I came across a book titled 'A Writer's Space' by Eric Maisel--and my first thought was, wow, I bet Hybrid J would love this one. It'll kick both our butts. :-)
Going through everything these past few weeks, Hybrid J is one of the few blogs I would drag myself around to the computer to check out what was going on on her blog. :-)
Here is the award she gave me, this time. I am very proud of this one.
Here, I shall cut and paste and change one name --so this will say exactly what it says on J's blog as well...simply because, well, it's been a long day...my dd is sick, like throwing up sick, and I am waiting for my phone to ring...waiting for a client I adore...
so, without further ado...my bit of thieving (and laziness) for the day...
Hybrid J passed this award to me as a token of my diligent in pursuing my writing as well as knowing when to slow down for recharge. I was very moved by her generosity and her sensitive understanding that we all needed encouragement along our creative journey. And what more encouraging than an award for trying hard!
I have to say, I think this is my first writing award as well.
It took me too long to decide to call myself Writer...and after deciding I can and should do it...I added Artist as well....
It's nice to be known...and recognized.
Give me a little bit to regain my whatever here and I shall pass this lovely award along to others....
THANK YOU, Hybrid J, my friend!
Thursday, July 23, 2009
A Question Rather Than A Wish
Darling Melba asks:
How does money make you feel?
How funny, since I now work for no one but myself now, how both very important and very un-important money has become to me.
My basic attitude is as long as my bills are paid ad there's a little something left over, then terrific.
While I was with the network, I knew there was going to be no way I was going to be able to pay for classes of any sort for E. (dance, gymnastics, anything at this point...)
but now that I am on my own...I know the potential is there, once I start ramping up the marketing and getting myself out there, I don't see where it should be a problem.
I don't need to be filthy rich; I just need enough money to pay the bills and do the things I want to do. I have spent so much of my life fighting to have things, and then spent so much time throwing things away, giving things away, selling things that I bought and didn't use, that my main focus these days is not buying things (per se--coloured pencils and various types of drawing paper notwithstanding at the moment :-) ) but more about doing things, going places, experiencing things. I want to go to CO. I don't ski. Have no interest in skiing. But my significant other skis. And my daughter would LOVE to learn how to ski. I want to go play in the snow. Take pictures. Be out in the world and in nature. Away from my normal threads.
I want to travel to Wales, and Scotland, and Ireland. I want to visit the Loire valley. Germany. Belgium. The Netherlands. I want to go on walk-about through Australia. Tour New Zealand. Play on beaches in the moonlight. Touch the tops of mountains with reverent fingertips.
I have learned in my very strange life that the Universe wants to help. The more I hold on to things with a tight fist, the fewer things come to me. The more I relax and have faith, the more things come in. It may sound utterly stupid, because there are days I look at myself and I wonder at the things I do and believe, but it doesn't fail me. I may not like the way the Universe offers help every time, but I can appreciate the effort, for lack of a better phrase. The whole 'Let go and Let god' thing has always resonated with me, even when I am not able to let go enough to let anyone do anything.
A client of mine once told me a story about this guy he knows. The man lost $100,000 on some card game. Yes, one hundred thousand dollars. As soon as he reached that point, the man stopped gambling. Then he immediately called and donated $100,000 to a local children's hospital. His reasoning was that he screwed up with the gambling and in order to change his luck he had to willingly give up the same amount he'd lost in order to show the Universe that he broke even and was ready for a new fresh clean slate. To break his losing streak.
As in he was bad to have lost this much on a card game (it was a series of games, not just one), so he was going to be good and give that same amount away. To achieve a balance.
So, I cannot even dare to come close to that, but I have noticed that when I am need, if I reach out to someone else, I end up benefitting as well. But if I go into something THINKING I am going to get something, it doesn't...so I don't do that, believe it or not.
An example of this is I really didn't have the money to spend, but I had a little left before I got paid. Bills and food were covered. Had a friend going through some things. I knew I didn't have enough money to offer her to help her--when your whole life is in turmoil and you need to move out of one house and into ...some place else... the offer of $20-30 doesn't go too far--but she has an etsy shop that I adore--so I bought a piece of her art that I had longed for and coveted from the moment I saw it. The money helped her. The art helped me. And it healed me, to do something nice for someone, without having to say I'm buying this because I know you need the money. If she hadn't been in need, I would have kept talking myself out of buying that piece.
I've done that several times throughout my life.
Funny how we are talking about money right now. I can bead. I can make jewelry. I am not the best at it. I made one strand of prayer beads for myself and then...pretty much...haven't really done much more other than extend bracelets I bought from other people.
With the miscarriage, for some weird reason, it triggered this odd thing in me. I have to mark certain things by getting certain things. I cannot wear my tulsi malas anymore, much to my utter dejection some days. I used to wear them every day. Putting them on in the morning was a special ritual for me. I am not permitted to wear anything other than tulsi, for every day or otherwise, for some reason. If I do, it immediately breaks, no matter what it is. I have malas. I can't wear them. I have a bone mala. I love it. Can't wear it. Can use it. Can't wear it.
So....
I collect rosaries. I am so anti-Catholicism, but am very very pro-the spiritual message of the Church. My issue is not with the religion itself--it's with the way it is run. Which is my main beef with, well, most organized religions. I collect the symbols of deep faith, in order to bolster my own. Because the symbols have deep meaning for and to me.
After my first pregnancy, I turned to the Church, began making plans to take catechism classes and everything. The ex frowned upon that. He was never a big "god" person. He said I 'could', but made it sound as if it were a terrible horrible thing at the same time as he said it was a good idea for me to have something to keep me busy til I got over things.
I trust in the emotional content of the religion. I was born Catholic, even though I was not raised Catholic. Well, there's alot of stuff in there I am not touching here and now. I have an affinity for the Madonna and Child, and many of the Saints. I'll leave it at that.
I bought a rosary last night. And some wrist malas. Etsy is such an incredible thing. A terrible habit. An ever-demanding addiction. And a wonderful thing, when I do it right. I am always wary now of buying jewelry on etsy. Not every piece, not every seller, but there have been some pieces that arrived and I with my poor little bit of knowledge and skill had to augment things so that I could wear them, after they broke. Mostly just poorly set ends/clasps. Truthfully, it's not just the jewelry, but why go there? I have faith. :-)
I spent most of yesterday during the day, when I had the chance, as I was busy writing and doing other actually productive things, searching etsy for a rosary. Specifically for a rosary. I tried checking out prayer beads, but I am drawn to the rosaries. Second day in a row I did this? Maybe. I found one in the afternoon. I didn't buy it til after midnight last night. I wasn't going to buy it til after the 1st, after my check is deposited, to make sure this really is the one for me. If it is meant to be for me, it would have been there when I went back on the 1st. I needed to order it last night. I need it now. WHile my heart is still broken open and bleeding.
I will post pictures, etc later on.
My personal colours are blues and purples, with greens thrown in on top. I am mostly a pale blue person though. Despite the fact I wear so much orange.
This rosary spoke to me. It's made of alexandrite. Now, my research says alexandrite is rare and hard to find and usualy turns from shades of red to green. This one turns from blue to purple. It was meant for me. Celtic cross. Blues and purples. And the woman (? it feels like a woman) who makes them exudes a very calm peaceful loving energy. At least that's what I get from her store and her other works. She makes these rosaries and malas and other things because she loves them. It's obvious.
There is a point to this story-I swear.
I bought the rosary. Paying someone for something beautiful to comfort me in my time of sorrow. Helps her by buying from her. Helps me by releasing my pain and misery into the ether and letting it be. If I didn't buy the rosary, what would I do with my pain? I am transmuting it into something else.
This is money for me.
I needed the comfort the rosary offers. The prayer malas are more for the peace of mind and continued contact with the Divine, drawing more divinity into my life, no matter under what name.
I gave money in exchange for spiritual succor. Knowing the money helps her. Spending the money helps me. And knowing that more money will flow in to me, so I can send it back out again when the time is right.
Money to me is a cycle. An energy taken, used, transformed and passed on. It goes out. It comes in. Sometimes it comes in fast. Sometimes it comes in slow. But it comes. I do not stop. I do not give up. I have faith.
Yes, all that babble to reach that point.
Thank you, Melba, for helping me, not just talk about money, but about why I bought a rosary. It helped me on my healing process as well. I am grateful for that.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Wonderful WIshcasting Wednesday
What do you wish to tell the world?
First of all, I have spent most of the past few weeks truly grateful for the support and network Jamie has set up here. All the other wishcasters and Full Moon dreamers and journal wreckers (even though mine has still yet to surface!) and everyone else...I am so blessed and so lucky to be included amongst you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you all.
If you ever doubt that this wishing or dreaming -- or even wrecking-- together does nothing--let me assure you--with all my heart--there is HUGE power here. It is manifesting in my life every single day. Every. Single. Day.
Now, on to today's question.
I'm having a rough week. Silly, huh? All my weeks of late have had some issue or another, haven't they? Nothing like this one. The miscarriage hit me hard. But I am trying to focus on everything else for the moment.
For example...I have shed that job that I no longer fit and am working all on my own. And I am succeeding. There is nowhere else for me to go except up.
I will tell you my wish, the very first thing that came to mind when I read the wish today, the very thing that keeps sticking in my mind now, the one thing that seems to envelope and empower me at the moment:
I AM HERE! I AM HERE! I AM HERE!
Ok, so it's all very Horton Hears A Who-esque.
But, it's also very Lost Soul Companion.
I wish to tell the world I am here.
That's it. Nothing more than that, at the moment.
Surely, as I regain my footing and my heart, I shall wish for more.
But right now, this is as much as I can ask for.
Peace.
Poetic Asides Catch Up
Poetic Asides 053 July 15, 2009
The Big Event
Patience-
So not my virtue-
Waiting
Fifteen days-
Counting down-
Now ten-
Now nine-
Seven more to go-
All these ideas
These dreams in my head-
All swarming around-
He’s upset at the
Possibility-
But I’m thrilled-
Which scares him
Even more-
We’re all waiting
Around
For the big event
The perfect time
The time for us
To take the test
So we can know
For sure
Are we pregnant
Or not
The Big Event
Patience-
So not my virtue-
Waiting
Fifteen days-
Counting down-
Now ten-
Now nine-
Seven more to go-
All these ideas
These dreams in my head-
All swarming around-
He’s upset at the
Possibility-
But I’m thrilled-
Which scares him
Even more-
We’re all waiting
Around
For the big event
The perfect time
The time for us
To take the test
So we can know
For sure
Are we pregnant
Or not
Monday So Manic
It took me til today to catch up.
Honestly Monday was rough. Too many things going on.
And although I had meant to do this yesterday...of course..I didn't...til now...
Not to be outdone I still have a Saturday 6 to do from last week-end too!
So, without further patience needed, here we go:
Manic Monday 176
When and with whom was your first kiss?
Does it count if my first kiss was w my best friend when I was 5. She stuck her tongue in my mouth and told me 'that's how French people kiss' and we laughed our butts off.
As for my first 'real' kiss...I dunno...I know it had to be when I was around 12...but other than that....your guess may be as good as mine....
Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?
yes, some days I think I have to...other days I think it's a natural thing...
What would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
Did you get lost? Tir Na Gog is that way, hon.
Honestly Monday was rough. Too many things going on.
And although I had meant to do this yesterday...of course..I didn't...til now...
Not to be outdone I still have a Saturday 6 to do from last week-end too!
So, without further patience needed, here we go:
Manic Monday 176
When and with whom was your first kiss?
Does it count if my first kiss was w my best friend when I was 5. She stuck her tongue in my mouth and told me 'that's how French people kiss' and we laughed our butts off.
As for my first 'real' kiss...I dunno...I know it had to be when I was around 12...but other than that....your guess may be as good as mine....
Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?
yes, some days I think I have to...other days I think it's a natural thing...
What would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
Did you get lost? Tir Na Gog is that way, hon.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Updates: Many Things
So, work has changed--and as the gods as my witness if that first day on my own is any indication, I more than made the correct decision. Is it crude to say I made more in one day on my own than I did most weeks w the network? I do not expect that every day, at least not at first, but it is possible. It is more than possible.
I just love when the Universe gives confirmations like that. Makes me feel better.
No need to wait til the 24th. Not pregnant. We are thinking miscarriage--I won't go into the physical details at all. I'm still not comfortable with this in any direction. I didn't wait til the 24th to start pulling things out of storage and washing them. I lack the heart and ability to put them away as well.
As bad as it sounds, to many good things came out of this. And we will try again, on our own terms rather than the whole 'accidental' frame this time.
All in all, it helped alot of things move faster than they would have otherwise, for R and for me. As much as I wanted it, it's not the worst thing possible.
I spent the weekend at a workshop for the most part, working on things for the coming month with the business. Since next month's bills are more than covered already, whether the network pays me or we have to go to court over that final paycheck or whatever, I have decided not to push for the rest of this month. I am taking my time, working into things. I keep forgetting how much of a network I do have in place here locally that I can and will be tapping into. It was always in the plans to do so, in the future, and yet, the future is now. :-)
I did get to finish the birthday doll for A this weekend. I have to write out the pattern for the dress as I merely took the ribbed skirt from the book (see my ravelry entry under Birthday Princess, I think) and heavily modified it into a pretty ball gown. Next time I must remember that stockinette curls, as the hem of the dress curls, but it actually looks pretty here. I didn't do alot of increasing...I just kept going up in needle sizes until I was done. :-) Pictures of doll forthcoming.
There's alot of things I neglected over the past week or so. I am particularly upset at having missed Poetry Play Thursday last week. Not to mention, I have last Wednesday's Poetic Asides poem written out, since I usually write them by hand and then type them to post...I didn't get around to typing it up yet. It's coming. It was on the list for yesterday, but the boyfriend came over--and dinner took way too long (there were parties being held at the restaurant and we waited for over an hour to be served our dinners because of it--although we had fun just being together, all of us). I will be catching up, even if I catch up slowly.
I have to reach out again and say THANK YOU THANK YOU to Jamie Ridler, everyone w Wishcast Wednesday and Full Moon Dreamers, and everyone else who supports me in my endeavors.
Hybrid J gave me an award last week and I as yet have done nothing with it. I haven't forgotten, really. Sidetracked. Everything sidetracked. I am getting there, darlin', I swear.
Oh, side note, M, T, I know you are there. Thanks. Now, let it go and stop it, for the love of peace.
Found the direction I want for the books of poetry we are planning to publish and put out. For some reasons, even considering the poetry is high school poetry (really-it is the stuff I wrote in high school--minus the 2 notebooks lost during a move after high school), I kept thinking I wanted to draw flowers to go into it. Nope. I'm not a flowers sort of person. My focus is trees.
Do you ever find yourself just staring fixedly at whatever the object of your obsession is? Whether it's a good time to do it or not? Coming out of a restaurant the other day, getting back into the car, I just stood there, poised to get in, trying to memorise the colour and the texture and the shapes of this tree, this beautiful chopped up, curving, twisting black and grey and beautiful tree trunk, mesmorised. And me with no camera. R is lucky I forgot his phone takes pictures then. And as we were driving, along the side of the road, were all these wonderfully twisted gnarled withered looking trees, still fighting to live and breathe and grow ...and all I kept thinking was my camera is at home on my armoire...
So, after requesting time out and about,with or without the small people (would actually prefer with, cause the kids make it interesting and see things I would miss anyway), I decided to always take my camera out with me. Last night, of course, wasn't the best of times, but at least I had my camera on me, just in case. :-)
Those gnarled twisted beautiful trees I so dearly love, those are the drawings--and maybe even photographs too at some point--that I shall be putting into my books of poetry.
I keep thinking of all the masses of poetry and whatnot I have scrawled on the backs of pieces of paper from operator services that I never typed out....I ahve folders of that stuff sitting in my file cabinets and in other places.
It is a time here for clearing out. I have been slowly wending my way through that process, but now have become even more determined.
We have a mouse in our house. I hate vermin. If the water bugs weren't enough. I hate mice. And they do know the cardinal rule--you move into my house you be signing your own death warrant. Sorry. I grew up on a farm. Mice are not nice. And I am not encouraging them.
The mice could kill my bird in more than one way. It could bring diseases and mites and fleas that could kill Cricket. It could literally get into the cage and eat the bird if it so chose. Not that it will, I am almost sure. There is plenty of food for the dumb thing to eat. Birds are the messiest nastiest things. That bird watched me sweep everything and mop everything (which I do periodically anyway) and she waited--she knowingly waited, til I was all done and then sat at her food dish and tossed out the stuff she won't eat, making sure she threw it as far across the room as she could.
The mouse did show me one very important thing--I have to quit saying I am not a bird person. My first thought was--remove the food source--which is all the darned bird seed everywhere--which would mean finding Cricket a new home.
I can't do that. First of all, my mother gave E this bird, even if the bird has turned on E (and on R of all people) and now seems to be "my" bird. I know where the bird came from. And sometimes as she sits in her cage at night, repeating all the things she's heard yelled in my mom's house, I think, I know where she came from, I know what's she's been through. Here she's fairly safe. I complain alot, but I don't yell very often--and when I do--it's usually because the end of the rope has come and gone for Mom and I have had more than enough.......and the yelling only lasts for a few seconds too, because I always feel bad when I yell. Then, of course, I went through the whole how do I know if the next person is going to understand Cricket or care about Cricket or take care of Cricket....which lead me down the whole if we have a mouse in the house, how am I protecting the bird? And the bird herself stands in the way of me getting rid of the mice--first thing I did in the storage room was bomb it w peppermint oil--I do that near the bird and we have dead bird. My first instinct is to rip everything up, strip it down, clean it and burn it clean, spread as thick a coat of all sorts of essential oils all over the place and stuff steel wool in all the mouse spots we can see in the carport--which is how they are getting in--through the foundation of the house --which is where everything gets in--and through the chimney. Makes me wish I could light a fire in the fireplace--we haven't had it checked or inspected so, no way there....
All in all here, what I am trying to say is the darned mouse made me realize I am a bird person--I like having the dumb bird around--even if I am not all together sure what to do with the bird--I like her and I'm keeping her...and then I am turning her cage into some sort of wonderful garden, probably full of snakes, once she passes from natural causes...in about twenty years of so....
See, my real solution to the mouse issue is to up the snake count in the house...buy a couple corn snakes, that won't hurt the environment once they reach the outside world...set them loose in the house--yes, I would rather have snakes over mice ANY DAY....alas, as with the essential oils, no can do on the snakes so long as the bird resides herein--and we are not getting rid of the bird....
And now, what else did I want to say here?
I have no clue...other than I did catch up on some of my writing yesterday and I did post it.
There's a new article up on my work blog: The Human Connection
There's a new story on the Alyce as well: Barnabas
I will be posting more pictures of recent art work and more as soon as I get things moving here. I've been getting calls all morning, in one form or fashion.
So much to do....just taking it one step at a time....
I just love when the Universe gives confirmations like that. Makes me feel better.
No need to wait til the 24th. Not pregnant. We are thinking miscarriage--I won't go into the physical details at all. I'm still not comfortable with this in any direction. I didn't wait til the 24th to start pulling things out of storage and washing them. I lack the heart and ability to put them away as well.
As bad as it sounds, to many good things came out of this. And we will try again, on our own terms rather than the whole 'accidental' frame this time.
All in all, it helped alot of things move faster than they would have otherwise, for R and for me. As much as I wanted it, it's not the worst thing possible.
I spent the weekend at a workshop for the most part, working on things for the coming month with the business. Since next month's bills are more than covered already, whether the network pays me or we have to go to court over that final paycheck or whatever, I have decided not to push for the rest of this month. I am taking my time, working into things. I keep forgetting how much of a network I do have in place here locally that I can and will be tapping into. It was always in the plans to do so, in the future, and yet, the future is now. :-)
I did get to finish the birthday doll for A this weekend. I have to write out the pattern for the dress as I merely took the ribbed skirt from the book (see my ravelry entry under Birthday Princess, I think) and heavily modified it into a pretty ball gown. Next time I must remember that stockinette curls, as the hem of the dress curls, but it actually looks pretty here. I didn't do alot of increasing...I just kept going up in needle sizes until I was done. :-) Pictures of doll forthcoming.
There's alot of things I neglected over the past week or so. I am particularly upset at having missed Poetry Play Thursday last week. Not to mention, I have last Wednesday's Poetic Asides poem written out, since I usually write them by hand and then type them to post...I didn't get around to typing it up yet. It's coming. It was on the list for yesterday, but the boyfriend came over--and dinner took way too long (there were parties being held at the restaurant and we waited for over an hour to be served our dinners because of it--although we had fun just being together, all of us). I will be catching up, even if I catch up slowly.
I have to reach out again and say THANK YOU THANK YOU to Jamie Ridler, everyone w Wishcast Wednesday and Full Moon Dreamers, and everyone else who supports me in my endeavors.
Hybrid J gave me an award last week and I as yet have done nothing with it. I haven't forgotten, really. Sidetracked. Everything sidetracked. I am getting there, darlin', I swear.
Oh, side note, M, T, I know you are there. Thanks. Now, let it go and stop it, for the love of peace.
Found the direction I want for the books of poetry we are planning to publish and put out. For some reasons, even considering the poetry is high school poetry (really-it is the stuff I wrote in high school--minus the 2 notebooks lost during a move after high school), I kept thinking I wanted to draw flowers to go into it. Nope. I'm not a flowers sort of person. My focus is trees.
Do you ever find yourself just staring fixedly at whatever the object of your obsession is? Whether it's a good time to do it or not? Coming out of a restaurant the other day, getting back into the car, I just stood there, poised to get in, trying to memorise the colour and the texture and the shapes of this tree, this beautiful chopped up, curving, twisting black and grey and beautiful tree trunk, mesmorised. And me with no camera. R is lucky I forgot his phone takes pictures then. And as we were driving, along the side of the road, were all these wonderfully twisted gnarled withered looking trees, still fighting to live and breathe and grow ...and all I kept thinking was my camera is at home on my armoire...
So, after requesting time out and about,with or without the small people (would actually prefer with, cause the kids make it interesting and see things I would miss anyway), I decided to always take my camera out with me. Last night, of course, wasn't the best of times, but at least I had my camera on me, just in case. :-)
Those gnarled twisted beautiful trees I so dearly love, those are the drawings--and maybe even photographs too at some point--that I shall be putting into my books of poetry.
I keep thinking of all the masses of poetry and whatnot I have scrawled on the backs of pieces of paper from operator services that I never typed out....I ahve folders of that stuff sitting in my file cabinets and in other places.
It is a time here for clearing out. I have been slowly wending my way through that process, but now have become even more determined.
We have a mouse in our house. I hate vermin. If the water bugs weren't enough. I hate mice. And they do know the cardinal rule--you move into my house you be signing your own death warrant. Sorry. I grew up on a farm. Mice are not nice. And I am not encouraging them.
The mice could kill my bird in more than one way. It could bring diseases and mites and fleas that could kill Cricket. It could literally get into the cage and eat the bird if it so chose. Not that it will, I am almost sure. There is plenty of food for the dumb thing to eat. Birds are the messiest nastiest things. That bird watched me sweep everything and mop everything (which I do periodically anyway) and she waited--she knowingly waited, til I was all done and then sat at her food dish and tossed out the stuff she won't eat, making sure she threw it as far across the room as she could.
The mouse did show me one very important thing--I have to quit saying I am not a bird person. My first thought was--remove the food source--which is all the darned bird seed everywhere--which would mean finding Cricket a new home.
I can't do that. First of all, my mother gave E this bird, even if the bird has turned on E (and on R of all people) and now seems to be "my" bird. I know where the bird came from. And sometimes as she sits in her cage at night, repeating all the things she's heard yelled in my mom's house, I think, I know where she came from, I know what's she's been through. Here she's fairly safe. I complain alot, but I don't yell very often--and when I do--it's usually because the end of the rope has come and gone for Mom and I have had more than enough.......and the yelling only lasts for a few seconds too, because I always feel bad when I yell. Then, of course, I went through the whole how do I know if the next person is going to understand Cricket or care about Cricket or take care of Cricket....which lead me down the whole if we have a mouse in the house, how am I protecting the bird? And the bird herself stands in the way of me getting rid of the mice--first thing I did in the storage room was bomb it w peppermint oil--I do that near the bird and we have dead bird. My first instinct is to rip everything up, strip it down, clean it and burn it clean, spread as thick a coat of all sorts of essential oils all over the place and stuff steel wool in all the mouse spots we can see in the carport--which is how they are getting in--through the foundation of the house --which is where everything gets in--and through the chimney. Makes me wish I could light a fire in the fireplace--we haven't had it checked or inspected so, no way there....
All in all here, what I am trying to say is the darned mouse made me realize I am a bird person--I like having the dumb bird around--even if I am not all together sure what to do with the bird--I like her and I'm keeping her...and then I am turning her cage into some sort of wonderful garden, probably full of snakes, once she passes from natural causes...in about twenty years of so....
See, my real solution to the mouse issue is to up the snake count in the house...buy a couple corn snakes, that won't hurt the environment once they reach the outside world...set them loose in the house--yes, I would rather have snakes over mice ANY DAY....alas, as with the essential oils, no can do on the snakes so long as the bird resides herein--and we are not getting rid of the bird....
And now, what else did I want to say here?
I have no clue...other than I did catch up on some of my writing yesterday and I did post it.
There's a new article up on my work blog: The Human Connection
There's a new story on the Alyce as well: Barnabas
I will be posting more pictures of recent art work and more as soon as I get things moving here. I've been getting calls all morning, in one form or fashion.
So much to do....just taking it one step at a time....
Friday, July 17, 2009
New Hours Now Available
Talk about a happy girl today.
A month earlier than I planned, but still a very good thing now, I am proud and pleased to present the fact that my hours have expanded.
I am available for calls from 8a-9p CST, Mon-Sat.
See the sidebar for details and click to call.
Appointments are always welcomed.
I look forward to speaking with you.
A month earlier than I planned, but still a very good thing now, I am proud and pleased to present the fact that my hours have expanded.
I am available for calls from 8a-9p CST, Mon-Sat.
See the sidebar for details and click to call.
Appointments are always welcomed.
I look forward to speaking with you.
BIG NEWS (about my work)
I no longer work for the network.
At least, I don't think I do. Last I heard, they were kinda serious about keeping me and wanting me to work more hours since I'd cut back on them lately. Not that I had any intentions of increasing them again, but still.
Yesterday, I spent the day knitting a doll for my niece, which is what I will be finishing today.It has to be done by Saturday.
I decided early in the day that I was going to cut my hours back to only the required eighteen per week. That phone call I'd had from them the night before did not sit well with me at all in any way. Even before i was off the phone I knew it was only a matter of time before things ended one way or another...and the thought made me very happy.
My boyfriend was planning to come over in the evening (which he did), and by mid-day I was planning to ask him what he thought about me quitting the network completely. Instead of hanging on for clients, etc. I haven't had my own space a whole month yet, and I am already doing alot better on my own than with anyone else.
I logged in to the network. No calls. Which as the New Moon approaches is not a big deal really. Except that I knew someone was planning to call me and she didn't. And she always does when she says she will. Even in times of turmoil.
I also know that the network has been removing me from listings lately while I have been logged in. I've had a couple different clients complain in the past week about my name not coming up for hours in the directory, while I was logged in--and it wasn't the website directory, where I still reside actually, according to several people who checked today--it was the phone directory (the one where you hear the available psychics currently available when you dial in to the network), which they claim "never has issues". I know better, but who cares at this point. I figured I was being black-balled--I've seen them do it periodically over the past year+ I've worked there, for no reason at all. As long as my bills are paid, so what do I care if I get a break now and then.
I went to log out at the end of my session, actually it was the end of my scheduled shift and an hour earlier than I normally log out. But that shouldn't have caused issues.
I couldn't log out. Which with this network is a bad thing, especially if I fall asleep and miss calls. My phone number would not work in the system. I tried it several times, to be certain I was putting it in right, because there are days I have to put it in like five times before I get it right. No dice. I was not allowed to log in or out or anything. So I emailed them, in case there was a computer glitch and I got tagged for missed calls. Today it seems my phone numbers are blocked from the toll free number completely. The lack of professionalism on their part reeks of the issues I have had with them all along.
Now. I have not received a phone call from them. I have not received an email. No one has told me a thing. No one has responded to my emails. Not that I expect them to. Other than responding to the receipt of email readings have I really ever gotten a response from them on any topic whatsoever, except when I moved and changed phone numbers, but it was they who initiated it, not responded to the ones I sent, for the most part. So, I am not expecting anything. Except that they will want/need my call logs and they are going to have to tell me how they want them...and when I am getting my last check--although I am betting dollars to donuts they find excuses to boffo that, just as they always find 2 weeks worth of missed calls, not one week and not three weeks or anything so they can screw up an entire check rather than just one week.....
I deleted two posts here on my blog recently for them, at their request, simply because I used the name of the network--once in neither a negative or positive way, just as a matter of fact, and that bugged them.
I have no grudges against the network, so it's not as if I am going on a bashing spree or anything. I don't have the time, the inclination or anything else. I will honestly give my opinion of them every time I am asked though. I know way too many people in real life that act like the network does--we are so good for you as we drive the nails even farther into your coffin....that sort.
My honest opinion is if you are going to call a telephone service for a psychic, use California Psychics (I think it's californiapsychics.com) -- they treat their people well...their system is great...the people on there I've talked to are good...and their clients love them...I've never heard anyone complain about CA psychics...and most of the people who have told me this were the clients of mine on the network who were telling me to leave the network and go to CA psychics....which I will not be doing because I am doing more than well enough on my own...and that's with minimal marketing effort at the moment. But, I have hired someone to help with that, so no worries there.
Honestly, I cannot tell you, since their computers are always screwed up, no matter what they say or how they spin things, if it was an honest mistake, because I did absolutely nothing yesterday I haven't done the entire time I have worked for them, or if they lied on the phone call the other night and cut me off purposefully..or if they read my blog and didn't like what I said about them without naming them or what...either way...since they have chosen not to communicate anything with me or to me in any way, shape, form or manner--I do not care. I am taking this as a Gift from God. Whether they mean to be rid of me or not, I am done with them.
As soon as it hit me that I wasn't inputting my number in wrong, I got this great big shiny big feeling...this is SUCH a good thing. I am so happy. I am normally Tigger of Winnie the Pooh bouncy anyway--now give Tigs an ounce of coke or something...and that's where I was last night (minus the coke--natural highs only...heck, I can't even drink COFFEE right now!) jumping and bouncing all over the place...all night. I woke up that way this morning too. Still smiling, ear to ear, and happy happy happy. My happy happy joy joy, not my happy happy kill kill (it's from a bumper sticker, well, 2 different bumper stickers....) The yoke I have been wearing and struggling with is now gone. So, I will be spastic about other things now...but...I can DO things again.
I have my week-ends back. (camping, hello!). I have no stress (which I had pretty much stopped the last two weeks anyway, and it has been such an amazing gift as well) about I have to log in I have to log in, am I getting enough hours. Blah blah blah. I don't have to worry about speaking to people with whom I have no desire to speak or worrying about if I do not speak to this person will I lose my job. With my network, 'missed calls' are a thing of the past, which works for me. Now, if I am on the line w a client and someone else calls, if the client chooses, I get an email requesting a call--back from the other client. So when I am done with one, I automatically connect to the next one. I love that. I can block callers on this network, as one particular lonely gentleman caused me to discover the other night, which makes me feel a little bit more secure about things.
And did I not say that as soon as I confirmed whether I am pregnant or not, I was out of there if I were, sooner if I am rather than later if I'm not.
With all of this wonderful new energy and incredible new possibility and a beautiful new freedom, I am opening my schedule up that much more.
I have to update the websites and everything but normal open call hours run from 8a to 9p CST for all callers from Canada and the US.
It will only be a matter of time before I open my own official network now, or so I am assured by my own people and circle of psychics.
Thank you everyone for all your support and love and wishes and peace and everything else. I couldn't have done this without you.
Blessings.
At least, I don't think I do. Last I heard, they were kinda serious about keeping me and wanting me to work more hours since I'd cut back on them lately. Not that I had any intentions of increasing them again, but still.
Yesterday, I spent the day knitting a doll for my niece, which is what I will be finishing today.It has to be done by Saturday.
I decided early in the day that I was going to cut my hours back to only the required eighteen per week. That phone call I'd had from them the night before did not sit well with me at all in any way. Even before i was off the phone I knew it was only a matter of time before things ended one way or another...and the thought made me very happy.
My boyfriend was planning to come over in the evening (which he did), and by mid-day I was planning to ask him what he thought about me quitting the network completely. Instead of hanging on for clients, etc. I haven't had my own space a whole month yet, and I am already doing alot better on my own than with anyone else.
I logged in to the network. No calls. Which as the New Moon approaches is not a big deal really. Except that I knew someone was planning to call me and she didn't. And she always does when she says she will. Even in times of turmoil.
I also know that the network has been removing me from listings lately while I have been logged in. I've had a couple different clients complain in the past week about my name not coming up for hours in the directory, while I was logged in--and it wasn't the website directory, where I still reside actually, according to several people who checked today--it was the phone directory (the one where you hear the available psychics currently available when you dial in to the network), which they claim "never has issues". I know better, but who cares at this point. I figured I was being black-balled--I've seen them do it periodically over the past year+ I've worked there, for no reason at all. As long as my bills are paid, so what do I care if I get a break now and then.
I went to log out at the end of my session, actually it was the end of my scheduled shift and an hour earlier than I normally log out. But that shouldn't have caused issues.
I couldn't log out. Which with this network is a bad thing, especially if I fall asleep and miss calls. My phone number would not work in the system. I tried it several times, to be certain I was putting it in right, because there are days I have to put it in like five times before I get it right. No dice. I was not allowed to log in or out or anything. So I emailed them, in case there was a computer glitch and I got tagged for missed calls. Today it seems my phone numbers are blocked from the toll free number completely. The lack of professionalism on their part reeks of the issues I have had with them all along.
Now. I have not received a phone call from them. I have not received an email. No one has told me a thing. No one has responded to my emails. Not that I expect them to. Other than responding to the receipt of email readings have I really ever gotten a response from them on any topic whatsoever, except when I moved and changed phone numbers, but it was they who initiated it, not responded to the ones I sent, for the most part. So, I am not expecting anything. Except that they will want/need my call logs and they are going to have to tell me how they want them...and when I am getting my last check--although I am betting dollars to donuts they find excuses to boffo that, just as they always find 2 weeks worth of missed calls, not one week and not three weeks or anything so they can screw up an entire check rather than just one week.....
I deleted two posts here on my blog recently for them, at their request, simply because I used the name of the network--once in neither a negative or positive way, just as a matter of fact, and that bugged them.
I have no grudges against the network, so it's not as if I am going on a bashing spree or anything. I don't have the time, the inclination or anything else. I will honestly give my opinion of them every time I am asked though. I know way too many people in real life that act like the network does--we are so good for you as we drive the nails even farther into your coffin....that sort.
My honest opinion is if you are going to call a telephone service for a psychic, use California Psychics (I think it's californiapsychics.com) -- they treat their people well...their system is great...the people on there I've talked to are good...and their clients love them...I've never heard anyone complain about CA psychics...and most of the people who have told me this were the clients of mine on the network who were telling me to leave the network and go to CA psychics....which I will not be doing because I am doing more than well enough on my own...and that's with minimal marketing effort at the moment. But, I have hired someone to help with that, so no worries there.
Honestly, I cannot tell you, since their computers are always screwed up, no matter what they say or how they spin things, if it was an honest mistake, because I did absolutely nothing yesterday I haven't done the entire time I have worked for them, or if they lied on the phone call the other night and cut me off purposefully..or if they read my blog and didn't like what I said about them without naming them or what...either way...since they have chosen not to communicate anything with me or to me in any way, shape, form or manner--I do not care. I am taking this as a Gift from God. Whether they mean to be rid of me or not, I am done with them.
As soon as it hit me that I wasn't inputting my number in wrong, I got this great big shiny big feeling...this is SUCH a good thing. I am so happy. I am normally Tigger of Winnie the Pooh bouncy anyway--now give Tigs an ounce of coke or something...and that's where I was last night (minus the coke--natural highs only...heck, I can't even drink COFFEE right now!) jumping and bouncing all over the place...all night. I woke up that way this morning too. Still smiling, ear to ear, and happy happy happy. My happy happy joy joy, not my happy happy kill kill (it's from a bumper sticker, well, 2 different bumper stickers....) The yoke I have been wearing and struggling with is now gone. So, I will be spastic about other things now...but...I can DO things again.
I have my week-ends back. (camping, hello!). I have no stress (which I had pretty much stopped the last two weeks anyway, and it has been such an amazing gift as well) about I have to log in I have to log in, am I getting enough hours. Blah blah blah. I don't have to worry about speaking to people with whom I have no desire to speak or worrying about if I do not speak to this person will I lose my job. With my network, 'missed calls' are a thing of the past, which works for me. Now, if I am on the line w a client and someone else calls, if the client chooses, I get an email requesting a call--back from the other client. So when I am done with one, I automatically connect to the next one. I love that. I can block callers on this network, as one particular lonely gentleman caused me to discover the other night, which makes me feel a little bit more secure about things.
And did I not say that as soon as I confirmed whether I am pregnant or not, I was out of there if I were, sooner if I am rather than later if I'm not.
With all of this wonderful new energy and incredible new possibility and a beautiful new freedom, I am opening my schedule up that much more.
I have to update the websites and everything but normal open call hours run from 8a to 9p CST for all callers from Canada and the US.
It will only be a matter of time before I open my own official network now, or so I am assured by my own people and circle of psychics.
Thank you everyone for all your support and love and wishes and peace and everything else. I couldn't have done this without you.
Blessings.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Sometimes I Wonder About People
I really do. I work as a Priest, a Counselor, a Psychic, a Healer...not always in that order. And, of course, there are so many other hats I wear as well.
I talk to people every day, almost all day, some days.
It is what I do, on top of everything else.
I am a member of several groups and organizations, many of which I am barely involved in and with, and most of which I am slowly pulling farther out of and away from...if not all, at this point.
How odd I do find it as I pull slowly out of different places how some of these people supposedly in power play their games to manipulate and control things, always doing their best to point out how wonderful they personally are and how wonderful their organizations are--and I marvel at how much like the Biblical 'Devil' they not only sound, but appear. The Devil with the silver tongue enticing and entrapping you with promises and lies you are far too blind to catch, until it is too late.
It is so sad for them--I am not Blind.
It baffles me how people can be so manipulative. We love having you. You are so talented. You're one of our best. If you leave us, no one else will treat you as well. No one else will give you these opportunities. You won't be able to move up the way you are and the way you can here. Yeah. Right. I can see that in my other choices I've been making lately. Yep. Really looks as if I am faltering. Sure thing.
The illusion they provide, all with the silkiest of words and the calmest sanest of voices, points to their being the best for everyone involved with no other options. In fact, they also point out that should you --or I, in this case--decide to go elsewhere, bad things will happen. There will be no money coming in, or less money coming in. I won't be happy. I will get sick. My loved ones will get sick. I won't be able to handle things. I will regret my decision.
Between my studies of various religions and my studies of psychology and psychiatry, I marvel at the intricacies of the lunacies these people wrap themselves with...and am often stumped that they not only believe the lies they tell, but how often and how well they coerce others into believing them as well.
Would you like an example?
I will be brief. Some details are of course changed to protect the insipid.
I have expressed, mostly to other people, a desire to leave a group, although I am not quite prepared to leave this particular group for good yet. My purposes are not being served in this group. My abilities and talents are being wasted and curtailed. But right now, there are people involved with this group who depend on me to show up and be there, whether I agree with everything that goes on or not. So, I continue to show up.
A lower management person, shall we say, came to me 'privately' to discuss my options, and to ensure my continued support and involvement.
The way in which he did this was to tell me a story. This one:
About a former participant in this group, long before me. Her husband did not approve of her activities with this group. So, after a time, she left the group. Not long after that, she got cancer. And the lower management person described her cancer in detail, recommending I look it up and see how very truly horrible this particular cancer manifests itself. He also mentioned her husband contracting a different form of cancer and dying. He repeated this story and details of this story several times in the long conversation he had with me. It was only the beginning of terrible things that befell this woman apparently.
His point, which he made sure to emphasize several times over, was that if she had stayed with and in the group, nothing bad would have ever happened to her...or her husband.
Number one: is this how you would convince someone to stay with your group? Whatever the group may be? Keeping in mind--this is not a metaphysical group at all.
I know in some circles I travel, this would be a tactic, a display of Power to coerce acquiescence. I run in those circles and I have for awhile.
Number two: where I come from--this is a very very blatant threat. Not veiled. Not insinuated. Not merely mentioned or glossed over. This is a straight out in your face THREAT. It is an actual warning of an impending attack, not only upon myself, but upon my family as well.
People who know me KNOW. This is not 1 very bright on the person's or the group's part and 2 they have no clue what I can do or how bad it will be for them.
And since I know everyone and their mother reads this blog these days...I know they can hear me...and I say rather loudly, you better be pissing in your boots right now because NO ONE threatens me and NO ONE threatens my kids. No One. And you know who you are. And you have no idea at all with whom you are screwing.
But I can and will give you references for those still standing who have tried this before. However, most of them are gone now, into hiding or wherever the beaten and fallen go to hide until God's Judgement falls upon them.
Another point lately has been my grumpiness towards my lowered thresholds with my shields.
Some idiots have actually taken that as a sign of weakness.
Shame. Shame. Shame.
Tight shields, the thick ones I used to use, meant I wasn't aware of much that was sent my way, unless I specifically looked.
Now, I am aware of every little thing.
It in no way means I am easier to attack or put down.
There's only one person who is able to do that to me-and I have no worries where he is concerned.
So, the next time you shoot something at me and can't figure out why it isn't hitting me, be prepared for the recoil yourself, because I am no longer pretending to play softball.
My children and my livelihood were threatened. More than once. For this I cannot stand still. Nor will I.
Another example, a little less articulate, because I really could not figure out where the story was going or what it's purpose was, other than to point out if I left I would have no end of trouble finding sources of income is the following....
The whole thing was disjointed in the telling, so please bear with me. If I had clear details, I might fudge them to protect the inane, but I don't think I have enough to do anything with. But I will, if I can.
Something about another participant, with another group no less, who thought she could make more money elsewhere.
Because I often complain I can make more money elsewhere within certain groups, I caught on to that part. Problem is, I've proven it, and at the moment I maintain certain groups only for the people who depend upon me, not vice versa. Sad, isn't it? That I already know walking away from these groups will in no way endanger anything to do with my livelihood or taking care of my kids...and yet, here these people are, covertly obsessing and telling me there is no way I can make more consistently across the board anywhere else. Even though I have consistently proven not only that I can...but that I do.
With fees and processing and 'their cut' off the top of things I make roughly six (6) times less than what I pull in overall. As in if I 'earn' $7, they make $6 and I get to keep $1. This is roughly the ratio. It is not a perfect to scale thing. It's rough estimates, but it is close too. I'm just not giving you to the penny amounts. I want the example to be clear.
This does not include that fact that I am required to work at least every three days, and half the week-end. This makes vacations impossible. But, they love to point out the bonuses for attracting so many 'new clients' and for working 'holidays'. The pay scale is a sliding pay scale, based upon your hours put in. I work with a couple groups with that in place. So, some weeks I may not put in as many hours. So instead of my $1 out of $7, I make roughly 50 cents and they get $6.50.
The lecture about 'these economic times being so tough' was brought in, although I didn't understand it. And something about how one person was working her slot from Canada and she tried to step out on her own, but she was throwing money away because she made so much more money because it was so much easier for her to cheat on her taxes.
I told you, it wasn't all really clear.
All I kept getting from that is see how good we are? See how good we treat you? Meanwhile, the mental picture presented is of a steaming pile of cow dung that someone spread chocolate over and said hey gourmet! Isn't it yummy? Dig in!
And being amazed that anyone else would refuse that.
Another one of these 'talks' (yes, I've been through several these past couple weeks) which brings to mind the chocolate covered cow dung reeked as talks given verbatim--and I mean VERBATIM from my old job at SBC. It's not personal. Leave your job at the door when you go home. Leave your home issues outside. Leave your work issues inside. Drop those troubles off at the door. We treat you so well as we treat you like pond scum. Why don't you enjoy it? You have everything so easy, so right there on a platter, why don't you like it when we browbeat you and spit on you and treat you as less than human and expect more from you? We are so good to you--as we beat the life from your body and sell your blood and tell you how it's for your own good.
There's the don't engage with the clientele part. I love this. I ahve always found this line masterful in its stupidity. I am very very good at what I do. It has taken me years to get to the point where I will openly admit I AM GOOD AT WHAT I DO. Where I can honestly BELIEVE and KNOW how good I am. I am not perfect. I do not claim to be perfect. BUT I am VERY GOOD at what I do.
I was told, by more than one person recently, that while doing healing work and psychic work on people NOT to get involved or engaged with the people I work on or read for.
Uhm...
Isn't that the direct opposite of what I do for a living?
It reminds me of walking into a doctor's office. Doctor walks in, barely looks at you, doesn't lift his face from the chart, barely acknowledges your presence. Barely touches you. Makes some notes on the chart. Hands you some prescriptions and leaves.
He has no more idea what's wrong with you than the man in the moon does.
I have not only worked for such doctors, I've been attended by them. I always rip up the prescriptions and find new doctors. I didn't work long for those types of doctors either.
Which may be why I am so into alternative healing now. :-)
Would you go to a Healer...or a Priest...or a Counselor who didn't engage with you? Who didn't connect with you on any level?
I am an Empath. In my job, being Psychic isn't really necessary. If you can pick up on the emotional vibe, and you know how to talk to people, you can do a great job. No one truly expects a psychic to be dead-on accurate 100% every time. They hope so, yes, but that doesn't mean it will happen.
I wouldn't accept people as clients if I could not connect with them. If I had to hold myself in 100% reserve while talking to someone, I would have to find a new job. Even if I held back 50%. To tell me, with what I do for a living, not to connect with clients, has to be the most incredibly stupid (and yes, I know it's a mean word--but I'm running out of adjectives for stupid here) thing I have ever heard.
Me not connecting with my clients on some level is what will decrease my income. Not increase it.
I am good at what I do because of the connection I have with my people. Whether I care for all the people I see or not.
Although I still stand by the fact I prefer to have control over the people I see and the people I work on. And that outside my groups and associations, I have that control. It works for me. And I make good money turning people away when I think they will be better served elsewhere. Where I can serve better elsewhere.
Now. In all these conversations, some more articulate than others, did I snarl and raise up and growl and spit and cause an uproar? Nope.
Mostly, I just smiled and nodded and yes-ed them to death.
Inside, I was so laughing my butt off. The audacity of some people. The ideas of their omnipotence. Their supposed guile and charm. The fact that the more they spoke the more they revealed how desperate they were and how out of control they were.
I am an Empath and I am an Intuitive. Among a myriad of other things....
I can spot lies and deceit a mile away. When I am not talking myself into believing the lies (hat tilt to you know who), nothing gets past me like this, even when I am not expecting anything.
I cannot understand how supposedly savvy rational people open themselves up to the things they do. Or how far out there they are willing to spread themselves to spread their lies and manipulations.
Now, considering some of the associations concerned here, let me make myself crystal clear:
I am not making threats. I am not making promises.
I am pointing out you tipped your hand.
I am pointing out how very bad the mistakes were that you have made.
I am pointing out that you more than overstepped your bounds.
I am not going to do anything. I do not have to. I am not required to do so.
It is not my job to do anything, not to you, nor to anyone else.
However, my lack of involvement does not decry the fact that you have done whatever follows you henceforth to your own self.
It has nothing to do with me or mine-- at all.
Consider yourself warned, however, by Powers far Greater than little old me, that you have been Noticed. And that you have Officially been put On Notice.
Anything and everything will be held against you, so help you God.
Repent, ye sinners. Return to the fold of thy Lord God now, before it is too late.
I do so love that line! And I do so love when it is used too.
So, I am going to continue working within these associations until I am no longer needed by those who clamor now for me. I am otherwise removing myself from the equations here. I never was one for political bouts anyway. You may duke it out amongst yourselves from now on.
May God have mercy on your soul, as I have no pity left in my heart for the likes of you.
There is no reason at all that I should.
You have been given every chance. You made your choices. May nothing more come to you but that you lie in the bed you have made for yourself.
Blessed be, little darlings. Blessed be.
I talk to people every day, almost all day, some days.
It is what I do, on top of everything else.
I am a member of several groups and organizations, many of which I am barely involved in and with, and most of which I am slowly pulling farther out of and away from...if not all, at this point.
How odd I do find it as I pull slowly out of different places how some of these people supposedly in power play their games to manipulate and control things, always doing their best to point out how wonderful they personally are and how wonderful their organizations are--and I marvel at how much like the Biblical 'Devil' they not only sound, but appear. The Devil with the silver tongue enticing and entrapping you with promises and lies you are far too blind to catch, until it is too late.
It is so sad for them--I am not Blind.
It baffles me how people can be so manipulative. We love having you. You are so talented. You're one of our best. If you leave us, no one else will treat you as well. No one else will give you these opportunities. You won't be able to move up the way you are and the way you can here. Yeah. Right. I can see that in my other choices I've been making lately. Yep. Really looks as if I am faltering. Sure thing.
The illusion they provide, all with the silkiest of words and the calmest sanest of voices, points to their being the best for everyone involved with no other options. In fact, they also point out that should you --or I, in this case--decide to go elsewhere, bad things will happen. There will be no money coming in, or less money coming in. I won't be happy. I will get sick. My loved ones will get sick. I won't be able to handle things. I will regret my decision.
Between my studies of various religions and my studies of psychology and psychiatry, I marvel at the intricacies of the lunacies these people wrap themselves with...and am often stumped that they not only believe the lies they tell, but how often and how well they coerce others into believing them as well.
Would you like an example?
I will be brief. Some details are of course changed to protect the insipid.
I have expressed, mostly to other people, a desire to leave a group, although I am not quite prepared to leave this particular group for good yet. My purposes are not being served in this group. My abilities and talents are being wasted and curtailed. But right now, there are people involved with this group who depend on me to show up and be there, whether I agree with everything that goes on or not. So, I continue to show up.
A lower management person, shall we say, came to me 'privately' to discuss my options, and to ensure my continued support and involvement.
The way in which he did this was to tell me a story. This one:
About a former participant in this group, long before me. Her husband did not approve of her activities with this group. So, after a time, she left the group. Not long after that, she got cancer. And the lower management person described her cancer in detail, recommending I look it up and see how very truly horrible this particular cancer manifests itself. He also mentioned her husband contracting a different form of cancer and dying. He repeated this story and details of this story several times in the long conversation he had with me. It was only the beginning of terrible things that befell this woman apparently.
His point, which he made sure to emphasize several times over, was that if she had stayed with and in the group, nothing bad would have ever happened to her...or her husband.
Number one: is this how you would convince someone to stay with your group? Whatever the group may be? Keeping in mind--this is not a metaphysical group at all.
I know in some circles I travel, this would be a tactic, a display of Power to coerce acquiescence. I run in those circles and I have for awhile.
Number two: where I come from--this is a very very blatant threat. Not veiled. Not insinuated. Not merely mentioned or glossed over. This is a straight out in your face THREAT. It is an actual warning of an impending attack, not only upon myself, but upon my family as well.
People who know me KNOW. This is not 1 very bright on the person's or the group's part and 2 they have no clue what I can do or how bad it will be for them.
And since I know everyone and their mother reads this blog these days...I know they can hear me...and I say rather loudly, you better be pissing in your boots right now because NO ONE threatens me and NO ONE threatens my kids. No One. And you know who you are. And you have no idea at all with whom you are screwing.
But I can and will give you references for those still standing who have tried this before. However, most of them are gone now, into hiding or wherever the beaten and fallen go to hide until God's Judgement falls upon them.
Another point lately has been my grumpiness towards my lowered thresholds with my shields.
Some idiots have actually taken that as a sign of weakness.
Shame. Shame. Shame.
Tight shields, the thick ones I used to use, meant I wasn't aware of much that was sent my way, unless I specifically looked.
Now, I am aware of every little thing.
It in no way means I am easier to attack or put down.
There's only one person who is able to do that to me-and I have no worries where he is concerned.
So, the next time you shoot something at me and can't figure out why it isn't hitting me, be prepared for the recoil yourself, because I am no longer pretending to play softball.
My children and my livelihood were threatened. More than once. For this I cannot stand still. Nor will I.
Another example, a little less articulate, because I really could not figure out where the story was going or what it's purpose was, other than to point out if I left I would have no end of trouble finding sources of income is the following....
The whole thing was disjointed in the telling, so please bear with me. If I had clear details, I might fudge them to protect the inane, but I don't think I have enough to do anything with. But I will, if I can.
Something about another participant, with another group no less, who thought she could make more money elsewhere.
Because I often complain I can make more money elsewhere within certain groups, I caught on to that part. Problem is, I've proven it, and at the moment I maintain certain groups only for the people who depend upon me, not vice versa. Sad, isn't it? That I already know walking away from these groups will in no way endanger anything to do with my livelihood or taking care of my kids...and yet, here these people are, covertly obsessing and telling me there is no way I can make more consistently across the board anywhere else. Even though I have consistently proven not only that I can...but that I do.
With fees and processing and 'their cut' off the top of things I make roughly six (6) times less than what I pull in overall. As in if I 'earn' $7, they make $6 and I get to keep $1. This is roughly the ratio. It is not a perfect to scale thing. It's rough estimates, but it is close too. I'm just not giving you to the penny amounts. I want the example to be clear.
This does not include that fact that I am required to work at least every three days, and half the week-end. This makes vacations impossible. But, they love to point out the bonuses for attracting so many 'new clients' and for working 'holidays'. The pay scale is a sliding pay scale, based upon your hours put in. I work with a couple groups with that in place. So, some weeks I may not put in as many hours. So instead of my $1 out of $7, I make roughly 50 cents and they get $6.50.
The lecture about 'these economic times being so tough' was brought in, although I didn't understand it. And something about how one person was working her slot from Canada and she tried to step out on her own, but she was throwing money away because she made so much more money because it was so much easier for her to cheat on her taxes.
I told you, it wasn't all really clear.
All I kept getting from that is see how good we are? See how good we treat you? Meanwhile, the mental picture presented is of a steaming pile of cow dung that someone spread chocolate over and said hey gourmet! Isn't it yummy? Dig in!
And being amazed that anyone else would refuse that.
Another one of these 'talks' (yes, I've been through several these past couple weeks) which brings to mind the chocolate covered cow dung reeked as talks given verbatim--and I mean VERBATIM from my old job at SBC. It's not personal. Leave your job at the door when you go home. Leave your home issues outside. Leave your work issues inside. Drop those troubles off at the door. We treat you so well as we treat you like pond scum. Why don't you enjoy it? You have everything so easy, so right there on a platter, why don't you like it when we browbeat you and spit on you and treat you as less than human and expect more from you? We are so good to you--as we beat the life from your body and sell your blood and tell you how it's for your own good.
There's the don't engage with the clientele part. I love this. I ahve always found this line masterful in its stupidity. I am very very good at what I do. It has taken me years to get to the point where I will openly admit I AM GOOD AT WHAT I DO. Where I can honestly BELIEVE and KNOW how good I am. I am not perfect. I do not claim to be perfect. BUT I am VERY GOOD at what I do.
I was told, by more than one person recently, that while doing healing work and psychic work on people NOT to get involved or engaged with the people I work on or read for.
Uhm...
Isn't that the direct opposite of what I do for a living?
It reminds me of walking into a doctor's office. Doctor walks in, barely looks at you, doesn't lift his face from the chart, barely acknowledges your presence. Barely touches you. Makes some notes on the chart. Hands you some prescriptions and leaves.
He has no more idea what's wrong with you than the man in the moon does.
I have not only worked for such doctors, I've been attended by them. I always rip up the prescriptions and find new doctors. I didn't work long for those types of doctors either.
Which may be why I am so into alternative healing now. :-)
Would you go to a Healer...or a Priest...or a Counselor who didn't engage with you? Who didn't connect with you on any level?
I am an Empath. In my job, being Psychic isn't really necessary. If you can pick up on the emotional vibe, and you know how to talk to people, you can do a great job. No one truly expects a psychic to be dead-on accurate 100% every time. They hope so, yes, but that doesn't mean it will happen.
I wouldn't accept people as clients if I could not connect with them. If I had to hold myself in 100% reserve while talking to someone, I would have to find a new job. Even if I held back 50%. To tell me, with what I do for a living, not to connect with clients, has to be the most incredibly stupid (and yes, I know it's a mean word--but I'm running out of adjectives for stupid here) thing I have ever heard.
Me not connecting with my clients on some level is what will decrease my income. Not increase it.
I am good at what I do because of the connection I have with my people. Whether I care for all the people I see or not.
Although I still stand by the fact I prefer to have control over the people I see and the people I work on. And that outside my groups and associations, I have that control. It works for me. And I make good money turning people away when I think they will be better served elsewhere. Where I can serve better elsewhere.
Now. In all these conversations, some more articulate than others, did I snarl and raise up and growl and spit and cause an uproar? Nope.
Mostly, I just smiled and nodded and yes-ed them to death.
Inside, I was so laughing my butt off. The audacity of some people. The ideas of their omnipotence. Their supposed guile and charm. The fact that the more they spoke the more they revealed how desperate they were and how out of control they were.
I am an Empath and I am an Intuitive. Among a myriad of other things....
I can spot lies and deceit a mile away. When I am not talking myself into believing the lies (hat tilt to you know who), nothing gets past me like this, even when I am not expecting anything.
I cannot understand how supposedly savvy rational people open themselves up to the things they do. Or how far out there they are willing to spread themselves to spread their lies and manipulations.
Now, considering some of the associations concerned here, let me make myself crystal clear:
I am not making threats. I am not making promises.
I am pointing out you tipped your hand.
I am pointing out how very bad the mistakes were that you have made.
I am pointing out that you more than overstepped your bounds.
I am not going to do anything. I do not have to. I am not required to do so.
It is not my job to do anything, not to you, nor to anyone else.
However, my lack of involvement does not decry the fact that you have done whatever follows you henceforth to your own self.
It has nothing to do with me or mine-- at all.
Consider yourself warned, however, by Powers far Greater than little old me, that you have been Noticed. And that you have Officially been put On Notice.
Anything and everything will be held against you, so help you God.
Repent, ye sinners. Return to the fold of thy Lord God now, before it is too late.
I do so love that line! And I do so love when it is used too.
So, I am going to continue working within these associations until I am no longer needed by those who clamor now for me. I am otherwise removing myself from the equations here. I never was one for political bouts anyway. You may duke it out amongst yourselves from now on.
May God have mercy on your soul, as I have no pity left in my heart for the likes of you.
There is no reason at all that I should.
You have been given every chance. You made your choices. May nothing more come to you but that you lie in the bed you have made for yourself.
Blessed be, little darlings. Blessed be.
First Wishcast From The New Website
And a very lovely beautiful quest it is today....
The sparkling Jamie Ridler asks:
What do you wish to invite in?
What a terrific wish for me for today! I've been giving this alot of thought the past few days, since I am making so many changes in my life these days.
I am in a fairly good space today, despite all the dramas the past few days. The whole day yesterday, from morning to night, was a brilliant exercise in demonstrating what is good in my life and what needs to change, and even how to change some of the good things in my life--or rather how those good things can change.
So many sweeping changes have been made and are in the process of being made. I love that.
And I am so grateful for this whole community for helping everything happen.
I swear without everyone's support, these things would not have come so swiftly as they have.
Hehehe...in my current un-proven condition, dare I wish for FERTILITY?
lol
Fertility covers so many areas.
Fertile creativity.
Fertile influx of cash flow.
Fertile imagination.
Fertile and abundant home life.
At least I am not saying fecund.
And yes, I am sort of messing with the boyfriend today. :-)
What do I wish to invite in?
I wish for abundance: financial, love, warmth, connection, friendship.....
I wish for nights spent together in the living room playing games watching the kid try to cheat her way through and convince everyone she's not. :-)
I wish for hope.
I wish for good solid non-stressing jobs for both R and for me. At least, not overly stressing. Because if I am pregnant, guess what I will NOT be doing anymore...because I am dead careful as to what influences come near my children, especially the unbourn. Especially after N.
I wish for a strengthen and renewed faith.
I wish .... I wish for happiness, for my loved ones, my family...and I do extend this to include everyone .... even those who think I don't mean them, or who think they don't deserve it or warrant it...especially to those who think I do not mean them. :-)
I wish for our family to be stronger together.
I wish for success to come wrap me up tight, just not too much of it. :-) Enough to support my family, but not enough to have people invading all the time. :-)
I wish to invite genuine happiness in. I am not asking for complete freedom from stress, or from drama, or catastrophe. To think such is possible is asinine. But, the overwhelming sense of connection and family, the overriding knowledge that we will persevere together through any and everything together.
It's that together part that makes it good--happy together. :-)
This is my wish today.
Please wish with me.
Blessings!
Monday, July 13, 2009
In Case You MIss Me For The Next Couple Weeks
edited July 13, 2009
I have learned a valuable lesson this past week. Something I have been saying for a long time. Something I should have understood, but never truly internalized and caught on to, to the depth of the subject. Moreover, it sounds so silly to say out loud. Nevertheless, I have been kicking this idea around for days now and it rings truer and truer every time I examine it.
I am thirty-seven years old. I am an Intuitive, an Empath, and an all-around energetic sponge and processor. Strange things affect me. If it starts to get stormy outside, I get cranky. Atmospheric changes cause changes within me. We go to the store to pick up a few things, it doesn’t take long for the variety of energies around me, from the wiring to the lighting to the people around me, to wash over me and drain me. I used to have really good shields. I used to only feel things when I would lower my shields, let things in, peek out to look around. I lack that ability any more. The ex comes over to pick up my son on the week-ends and I can tell you what sort of week-end he had, all based on what he hits me with energetically before he even enters the house. It sucks to read someone’s energy when it is nearly opposite of the stuff that flies out of his mouth all the time. I see that a lot in my life though and not only in my work either.
All of that said, you still have no clue what I am trying to get out yet. I know; I apologize. My body is alive…and it has a mind of its own. I do not mean to relate that my body is a living functioning organism with its own internal brain that causes my physical apparatus to work and move and do their thing with or without my conscious consent. I mean to say, I have a Mind, that is its own Entity, exclusive of My Self. I mean to say, my Soul is an Entity in and of itself, regardless of me as well. AND MY BODY is its very own Entity, apart and separate from My Self as well. As in, my body knows, has its own wisdom, communicates loudly and clearly, if only I calm my mind and soften my heart enough to listen to what she has to say.
It’s fascinating.
Now, let me quantify a few things here. Not counting this year….I have been pregnant three times in my life. I rarely, rarely, speak of the first pregnancy. Nevertheless, I can tell you we were in the actual act of copulation when I made a mental remark about getting pregnant. Lo and behold, that IS when I got pregnant. The second pregnancy was during a time when I was involved with a coven of Stupid People. I will not call them “witches”, because ‘witch’, to me, is a term of respect for someone who has the knowledge and the wisdom of the Old Ways (or whatever ways they wish to follow—and nope, I am not a witch, nor have I ever been a witch—although I’ve studied a great deal—and my mother is most definitely a Witch, capital W). These people were all about Power, getting it, using it, abusing it. Controlling it. An example of mainstream ‘witchery’ here to make the comparison is Dumbledore (the ‘good” witch) versus He Who Shall Not Be Named (the ‘bad’ witch)—or better yet, Glenda, the Good Witch, versus Elphaba, the Wicked Witch of the West. My second pregnancy was very specifically hidden from me, especially by my Spirit Guides, until after the six week mark. According to Waldorf pedagogy, this is when the soul incarnates into the fetus. I was returning from a trip to Kansas when my Guides hit me all over with the ‘you’re pregnant’, ‘you’re pregnant’, ‘better go buy a pregnancy test’ drama that only a cluster of five year olds could rival. I had thought they’d meant pregnant from that week-end. A trip to the doctor’s office quickly set that to rights. The time after that. I cannot recall if I knew when we were having sex. As stupid as this sounds, with my son’s father I tried to block sex, even when we were in the middle of it, as much as I could. I met him in August, 2003. I got pregnant in December, 2003. I was bored sexually by September, maybe as late as early October, when I still had hope he might be open to learning more than his normal….pattern. Yet, again, I digress. I do know, because I have it written down, that on December 7, 2003, I knew I was pregnant and that the baby had implanted. The midwife told me there is no way I could know that. Guess which one of us was right… It wasn’t her. We couldn’t take an at-home test til Christmas morning, but it showed positive then, clear as day.
I am also good about hitting due dates dead on. My daughter (pregnancy number two) is the only one I got wrong, but that’s because she didn’t come on her own. We lived in St Louis, MO, where these things are routinely scheduled. This is one reason why the next time, I used a midwife. I think my daughter would be healthier physically and mentally if I’d let her do things in her own time.
So, for the past two months, my Guides have been heckling the snot out of me. Yes, I am getting to the whole my body is alive thing…work with me. I ordered baby slings, since the only one I have left, I bought when my now eight year old was an infant. It is still serviceable, but I wanted something without the metal ring. I have ordered breast-feeding dvds, because my doula sucked last time and I am a visual learner. I couldn’t get everything I needed from books and there was no one else to ask. This is one case where just keep trying was not an option. I have been having dreams about White Elephants. We can skip the Buddha’s birth stories here; white elephants mean something specific to me.
My Guides nagged me for weeks about those dvds, waking me up at three o’clock in the morning. I had to order them before they would let me go back to sleep. I even bought pregnancy tests (two in a box) a week before I decided I might genuinely be pregnant. They are such pains, these Guides. But this sort of prep work is normal with them, and I have yet to see it fail. Sometimes the prep work comes very early; other times, not so much.
The last week of June. This year. My Guides start. ‘This is the time’, ‘this is when it’s going to happen’, blah blah blah. The day before my period starts and my Guides are all over me about this is “the” time. Yes, the boyfriend and I are careful. We utilize about three different methods in conjunction with one another. We want kids together; he wants to wait. Yes, you heard that correctly. I haven’t been so paranoid about getting my period…ever in my life. Not even when I was young and into all sorts of trouble and wildness. June 29. I was so absolutely certain THIS was the day, this was the time. It was Monday. Tuesday found me researching, lots of things, feeling almost sure the Guides were wrong again. By Wednesday, I was denying things. I maintained my denial that entire week. Tuesday, July 7, I knew. I was almost certain that I knew I was pregnant. Wednesday, I was so certain I emailed my mother to let her know I think I’m pregnant. She pointed out that they do know what causes that these days and there are cures for it. Friday, I told the boyfriend. Emotional upheaval, of course, ensued. For a variety of reasons. (We’re not married, which is an issue for and with him…he’s currently unemployed due to a lay off and not really thrilled by that prospect, since it’s been three months and he’s still looking….yada yada yada….)
The problem for me: he knew for almost a week that I thought I might be pregnant. Based mostly on my body language, apparently. Because even when I was almost certain I was pregnant, I kept sticking to my I’ve had stomach issues lately. Plus, he’s been my best friend for nine years; he’s seen me through both these last two pregnancies. I gave birth to my son in his house. He does know me all too well. He did actually have to force me to tell him; I wasn’t planning to tell him until I had actual proof, other than my own physical signs and symptoms. I wasn’t planning to say a word til after I took the test after July 23.
Here is what my body kept telling me: we’re pregnant; relax. We’re pregnant; enjoy it. We’re pregnant; treat yourself more kindly. We’re pregnant; treat yourself more carefully, more healthily (food and I have issues).
Here’s what I missed: my first yeast infection since I was married to the ex-husband. I thought it had to do with something else entirely. Tender and sore breasts right after my period rather than right before it. Not to mention the change in shape and …heft. There are things going on in there. I get very sensitive to smells while pregnant….during the first week of July, we went to lunch and the smell alone nearly made me vomit. Moodiness and snarkiness, which usually goes hand in hand with my PMS, is alive and well right now. Hot flashes, hot enough to cause sweating. Light-headedness. Usually this is from a sugar imbalance in my system, but this has been happening when I know my sugar is ok. I do try to be careful with that. My Guides have been increasing the doses of my herbal supplements lately. I thought it was because I wasn’t really feeling well. My sleep schedule has been utterly off; I have been unable to sleep nights, but camped out come morning. Thankfully, my new work automatically logs me in and I don’t sleep through the phone ringing. My stomach is hard, in places where normally it should be soft. I’ve been thinking I was putting on weight for over a week now. Now, this alone may not sound like much of anything to you, but I spent most of my teen-aged years anorexic and bulimic, so bad that I required hospitalization at times. Thirty-seven years old, almost twenty years later, and I still have to be careful. They never tell you anorexia and/or bulimia is like drug addiction or alcohol addiction—it’s a one day at a time for the rest of your life deal for some of us. When I start feeling that I am putting on weight, and I haven’t increased my eating or decreased my activity, I take notice real fast. Now, other things that have happened, my headaches stopped. The heels of my poor cracked feet are not completely healed, but there is a huge stellar difference in the way they look now versus the way they looked at the end of June. And I’ve done nothing more than ignore them for the most part, so it isn’t anything I’ve done. Technically, they should look a lot worse than they do. But no, they look stunningly better.
Up until I decided to acknowledge that yes, I am pregnant, I had this strange visceral energy that just wouldn’t quit. I am not the type to sit still even at the best of times, but this intense need for…something…was driving me bonkers. As soon as I thought, yes, I am definitely pregnant, even though I thought, maybe, at the end, this huge rush of calm and peace swarmed over me and through me. I napped that day. I nap a lot, used to nap more, but I do it still upon occasion. So, one lone nap to me is no indicator. I am frequently tired. I have been since I met my son’s father. He sucked the life right out of me and I still fight to reclaim that. And having my son was not an easy feat either. The pregnancy took so much out of me. He turns six this year and I just recently felt I could honestly say my cycles were back on even keel and my body was in decent shape again since his birth…and that’s just the recovering from his interment and birth process, not having to keep up with him, his sister, or the stupid people that were around us at the time.
I’ve had bursts of cleaning energy, which also is not untoward with me. It happens, at random. I have to fight the urges to pull what little I kept from my older two children when they were babies; I let go of almost all of it when we moved into this house. I decided to do nothing until I have proof, one way or the other.
I have definite times to eat now, whereas before I rather meandered around eating times. For some reason, between two and three in the morning is prime time for feeding, for feeding the baby. I feel as if I am being prepared for what is coming. I tend to feel like that a lot though. Not just with this situation.
Other really weird stuff? My body reacts to things, completely independent of my mind. Or at least that’s how I see it. One thing is I have noticed that really strikes me is the fact I can’t really wear my normal jeans right now. See, I was a teenager in the 80s. I was one of those girls more than willing to use baby powder and a pair of pliers to get into my jeans. This was before they started to make jeans with spandex or whatever in them. Real denim has no stretch. I am used to wearing tight pants, even if these days the material stretches. I can’t stand it, for over a week now. But when I don’t feel well, this is a semi-normal reaction. I am lucky I have several pairs of jeans that are loose enough to be really comfortable, but still look like respectable jeans too.
Coffee. I want coffee. I am not a big coffee drinker. Never really have been. But with my sleep cycle topsy-turvy lately, I want coffee; I need something to keep me awake. I cannot order coffee when we go out; I cannot make coffee at home. Every time I so much as try, I get nauseous. No caffeine allowed, according to my body.
Even weirder, I cannot sleep on my left side, which is the side I normally sleep on. When you are further along in the pregnancy, sleeping on your left side compresses arteries and veins and who knows what, and inhibits blood flow to the baby. I have to fight myself to sleep on my left side. Even if I am pregnant, sleeping on my left side now when the baby is a mere speck is not going to hurt anything. Even so, I end up sleeping on my right side, because that’s the only way I can get comfortable.
My body has been reaching out to me, engulfing me, holding me, cradling me, trying to show me the way, trying to make me understand. My boyfriend has a point with many things he says, as in this could be in my mind, a false pregnancy, based on my wanting certain things to change where he is concerned (outside of our relationship and me, and outside of his job search). I could just so want to be pregnant I am thinking I am pregnant, imagining it.
Then why does my stomach crave the attention of my hand? Not my actual stomach, but my lower abdomen? There is no soul incarnated yet, but I can feel an energy source, something seeking my energy, my hand. My body is reacting, even as my brain tries to push the logical angle. My boyfriend, also very Intuitive and Empathic, does not think I am pregnant. He thinks it’s in my mind. He does not mean it to be as bad as it sounds. He’s not being mean about things. He’s trying to rationalize and to be pragmatic. I know the baby implanted on the left side of my womb. Just as I knew my daughter was on the right. Come to think of it, my son implanted on the left as well.
I do find myself rocking, when I stand or when I sit, as I do when I have an infant. I find myself seated at the computer, researching cloth diapers, pregnancy, layette needs. It’s been so long since I have had an infant, I am actually afraid I might not have everything on hand when he arrives. I finally bought ‘Spiritual Midwifery’ by Ina May Gaskin. That book is an absolute HOOT. Now, do keep in mind that this last year, before we moved here into this house, I was contemplating moving to the Farm. The only reason I didn’t was because of my son. This is the only way I will get to see him, if I live close enough for his father to drive back and forth. (just do an internet search for ‘The Farm’ in TN—it’s the oldest known, uhm, hippy commune still in existence…from the things I have read recently, it sounds like my idea of Heaven on Earth.)
Now, you judge my brain here. When I am pregnant, I cannot stand to look at the actual photos (or even the diagrams) of babies coming through and out the birth canal. Actual birthings scare the heck out of me; the contractions with my son were so painful I could not reach beyond them, I could not reach within them, it was more than enduring, more than breathing through them—there was pain, unmitigated and unstoppable. I think there are a lot of reasons for that. ‘Spiritual Midwifery’ has been such a blessing. I swear, Ina May Gaskin wrote it for me. When I am not pregnant, the photos don’t frighten me; I don’t really care for them, but I don’t slam the book shut and hide from it for awhile. I hid from this book for long periods of time after it arrived. Labor and delivery scares me. It always has. I can deal with pain; I just don’t like to. Having a baby as a single mother? No problem. Having to deal with the hateful ex for oh eighteen years? No problem. Labor and delivery? A perfectly natural uncomplicated (usually, thank goodness) process? Problem. Big problem.
Do you know one of the most blissful things I read while I was pregnant with my son (and preparing for the home birth, which I will be doing again) was that the body will do all the work if you let it. You can pass out and the body will keep on working. When you are afraid no one will be there when you give birth and you won’t be able to handle anything at all by yourself and you’ll screw things up, forget to do things, cut the cord the wrong way, something, there is a great bit of confidence and calm in the fact that your body knows what to do…and it will do it, with or without your assistance.
We cannot take an at home pregnancy test until July 24. You may not hear much from me until this time. I run hot and cold on everything. I want to write. I start writing. Stop in mid-sentence. Find something else to do. I start to draw. I stop in mid-line and walk away. I was supposed to knit my friend a doll. Or crochet it. I had everything out. All the books, patterns marked and ready. The yarns out and sitting here, waiting. My hands were shaking so bad I couldn’t do a thing. So still, it sits and awaits my attention.
I have about five books I meander through, when the urge strikes me. I ran through my vampire and shifter books too soon recently, and unless I want to re-read things, I have to work through what I have on hand, rather than my cotton-candy mind fluff stuff. I do morning pages at random. I move towards certain goals. I am not really covering anything.
I feel pretty much on hold. I know where I am ordering the cloth diapering system I have decided is best for us. I have decided I cannot go through what baby stuff I do have here. I want to clean out my attic as well. I cannot tell you if I am having twins now, or what. I did run a few things by my son, who is in touch with worlds we know nothing of, and he says one baby and it’s a boy. He’s looking forward to meeting his baby brother. Well, I think he is more looking forward to being the Big Brother for a change, rather than the Little Brother. He even said he would change diapers! Isn’t that great? At least til it comes time for him to actually do it? Then again, with my son, he might apply that fierce concentration of his to the task and do an incredibly thorough job of it.
Until we can take the test, my body keeps telling me, there is someone in here growing inside you, someone who loves you already, someone who already knows the sound of your voice. How can I deny that? How can I deny the longing I feel from within my womb? From within my own heart?
And yet, there is the logical side, the side that doesn’t trust me or My Self at all, pondering if this is a fluke, a falsity. A desire made flesh by my mind, but with no actual physical truth behind it.
I keep reminding myself: I have never had a pregnancy ‘scare’. Every single time I thought I was pregnant, I have been pregnant. My Guides know not to mess with me about this. Teasing me about getting pregnant is one thing; telling me I am pregnant and I am not is grounds for ….. complete decimation. Someone once told me I could not deconstruct the World. They were wrong. The World is energy. Energy cannot be destroyed in and of itself, but it can be re-arranged, altered, shifted and changed, from one form to another. My Guides are aware of what I can and will do if this turns out to be a lie. They know how much I want this, even if the timing is inconvenient for my boyfriend.
My body, on the other hand, does not lie. My body has never lied to me. I have failed to listen, failed to heed her calls and attempts to communicate. I have misunderstood her, misread her. But she herself has never lied. My body is reaching out now, speaking to me, more forcibly than ever I have heard her before. She has never come across this clearly before. I am impressed by her dedication to reach me, to have me hear her and react to her intentions. She is alive, in her own right. It is only right of me to honor her for that, to treat her well, to listen…and to be at peace.
We want this. We truly want this. With all our hearts.
I have learned a valuable lesson this past week. Something I have been saying for a long time. Something I should have understood, but never truly internalized and caught on to, to the depth of the subject. Moreover, it sounds so silly to say out loud. Nevertheless, I have been kicking this idea around for days now and it rings truer and truer every time I examine it.
I am thirty-seven years old. I am an Intuitive, an Empath, and an all-around energetic sponge and processor. Strange things affect me. If it starts to get stormy outside, I get cranky. Atmospheric changes cause changes within me. We go to the store to pick up a few things, it doesn’t take long for the variety of energies around me, from the wiring to the lighting to the people around me, to wash over me and drain me. I used to have really good shields. I used to only feel things when I would lower my shields, let things in, peek out to look around. I lack that ability any more. The ex comes over to pick up my son on the week-ends and I can tell you what sort of week-end he had, all based on what he hits me with energetically before he even enters the house. It sucks to read someone’s energy when it is nearly opposite of the stuff that flies out of his mouth all the time. I see that a lot in my life though and not only in my work either.
All of that said, you still have no clue what I am trying to get out yet. I know; I apologize. My body is alive…and it has a mind of its own. I do not mean to relate that my body is a living functioning organism with its own internal brain that causes my physical apparatus to work and move and do their thing with or without my conscious consent. I mean to say, I have a Mind, that is its own Entity, exclusive of My Self. I mean to say, my Soul is an Entity in and of itself, regardless of me as well. AND MY BODY is its very own Entity, apart and separate from My Self as well. As in, my body knows, has its own wisdom, communicates loudly and clearly, if only I calm my mind and soften my heart enough to listen to what she has to say.
It’s fascinating.
Now, let me quantify a few things here. Not counting this year….I have been pregnant three times in my life. I rarely, rarely, speak of the first pregnancy. Nevertheless, I can tell you we were in the actual act of copulation when I made a mental remark about getting pregnant. Lo and behold, that IS when I got pregnant. The second pregnancy was during a time when I was involved with a coven of Stupid People. I will not call them “witches”, because ‘witch’, to me, is a term of respect for someone who has the knowledge and the wisdom of the Old Ways (or whatever ways they wish to follow—and nope, I am not a witch, nor have I ever been a witch—although I’ve studied a great deal—and my mother is most definitely a Witch, capital W). These people were all about Power, getting it, using it, abusing it. Controlling it. An example of mainstream ‘witchery’ here to make the comparison is Dumbledore (the ‘good” witch) versus He Who Shall Not Be Named (the ‘bad’ witch)—or better yet, Glenda, the Good Witch, versus Elphaba, the Wicked Witch of the West. My second pregnancy was very specifically hidden from me, especially by my Spirit Guides, until after the six week mark. According to Waldorf pedagogy, this is when the soul incarnates into the fetus. I was returning from a trip to Kansas when my Guides hit me all over with the ‘you’re pregnant’, ‘you’re pregnant’, ‘better go buy a pregnancy test’ drama that only a cluster of five year olds could rival. I had thought they’d meant pregnant from that week-end. A trip to the doctor’s office quickly set that to rights. The time after that. I cannot recall if I knew when we were having sex. As stupid as this sounds, with my son’s father I tried to block sex, even when we were in the middle of it, as much as I could. I met him in August, 2003. I got pregnant in December, 2003. I was bored sexually by September, maybe as late as early October, when I still had hope he might be open to learning more than his normal….pattern. Yet, again, I digress. I do know, because I have it written down, that on December 7, 2003, I knew I was pregnant and that the baby had implanted. The midwife told me there is no way I could know that. Guess which one of us was right… It wasn’t her. We couldn’t take an at-home test til Christmas morning, but it showed positive then, clear as day.
I am also good about hitting due dates dead on. My daughter (pregnancy number two) is the only one I got wrong, but that’s because she didn’t come on her own. We lived in St Louis, MO, where these things are routinely scheduled. This is one reason why the next time, I used a midwife. I think my daughter would be healthier physically and mentally if I’d let her do things in her own time.
So, for the past two months, my Guides have been heckling the snot out of me. Yes, I am getting to the whole my body is alive thing…work with me. I ordered baby slings, since the only one I have left, I bought when my now eight year old was an infant. It is still serviceable, but I wanted something without the metal ring. I have ordered breast-feeding dvds, because my doula sucked last time and I am a visual learner. I couldn’t get everything I needed from books and there was no one else to ask. This is one case where just keep trying was not an option. I have been having dreams about White Elephants. We can skip the Buddha’s birth stories here; white elephants mean something specific to me.
My Guides nagged me for weeks about those dvds, waking me up at three o’clock in the morning. I had to order them before they would let me go back to sleep. I even bought pregnancy tests (two in a box) a week before I decided I might genuinely be pregnant. They are such pains, these Guides. But this sort of prep work is normal with them, and I have yet to see it fail. Sometimes the prep work comes very early; other times, not so much.
The last week of June. This year. My Guides start. ‘This is the time’, ‘this is when it’s going to happen’, blah blah blah. The day before my period starts and my Guides are all over me about this is “the” time. Yes, the boyfriend and I are careful. We utilize about three different methods in conjunction with one another. We want kids together; he wants to wait. Yes, you heard that correctly. I haven’t been so paranoid about getting my period…ever in my life. Not even when I was young and into all sorts of trouble and wildness. June 29. I was so absolutely certain THIS was the day, this was the time. It was Monday. Tuesday found me researching, lots of things, feeling almost sure the Guides were wrong again. By Wednesday, I was denying things. I maintained my denial that entire week. Tuesday, July 7, I knew. I was almost certain that I knew I was pregnant. Wednesday, I was so certain I emailed my mother to let her know I think I’m pregnant. She pointed out that they do know what causes that these days and there are cures for it. Friday, I told the boyfriend. Emotional upheaval, of course, ensued. For a variety of reasons. (We’re not married, which is an issue for and with him…he’s currently unemployed due to a lay off and not really thrilled by that prospect, since it’s been three months and he’s still looking….yada yada yada….)
The problem for me: he knew for almost a week that I thought I might be pregnant. Based mostly on my body language, apparently. Because even when I was almost certain I was pregnant, I kept sticking to my I’ve had stomach issues lately. Plus, he’s been my best friend for nine years; he’s seen me through both these last two pregnancies. I gave birth to my son in his house. He does know me all too well. He did actually have to force me to tell him; I wasn’t planning to tell him until I had actual proof, other than my own physical signs and symptoms. I wasn’t planning to say a word til after I took the test after July 23.
Here is what my body kept telling me: we’re pregnant; relax. We’re pregnant; enjoy it. We’re pregnant; treat yourself more kindly. We’re pregnant; treat yourself more carefully, more healthily (food and I have issues).
Here’s what I missed: my first yeast infection since I was married to the ex-husband. I thought it had to do with something else entirely. Tender and sore breasts right after my period rather than right before it. Not to mention the change in shape and …heft. There are things going on in there. I get very sensitive to smells while pregnant….during the first week of July, we went to lunch and the smell alone nearly made me vomit. Moodiness and snarkiness, which usually goes hand in hand with my PMS, is alive and well right now. Hot flashes, hot enough to cause sweating. Light-headedness. Usually this is from a sugar imbalance in my system, but this has been happening when I know my sugar is ok. I do try to be careful with that. My Guides have been increasing the doses of my herbal supplements lately. I thought it was because I wasn’t really feeling well. My sleep schedule has been utterly off; I have been unable to sleep nights, but camped out come morning. Thankfully, my new work automatically logs me in and I don’t sleep through the phone ringing. My stomach is hard, in places where normally it should be soft. I’ve been thinking I was putting on weight for over a week now. Now, this alone may not sound like much of anything to you, but I spent most of my teen-aged years anorexic and bulimic, so bad that I required hospitalization at times. Thirty-seven years old, almost twenty years later, and I still have to be careful. They never tell you anorexia and/or bulimia is like drug addiction or alcohol addiction—it’s a one day at a time for the rest of your life deal for some of us. When I start feeling that I am putting on weight, and I haven’t increased my eating or decreased my activity, I take notice real fast. Now, other things that have happened, my headaches stopped. The heels of my poor cracked feet are not completely healed, but there is a huge stellar difference in the way they look now versus the way they looked at the end of June. And I’ve done nothing more than ignore them for the most part, so it isn’t anything I’ve done. Technically, they should look a lot worse than they do. But no, they look stunningly better.
Up until I decided to acknowledge that yes, I am pregnant, I had this strange visceral energy that just wouldn’t quit. I am not the type to sit still even at the best of times, but this intense need for…something…was driving me bonkers. As soon as I thought, yes, I am definitely pregnant, even though I thought, maybe, at the end, this huge rush of calm and peace swarmed over me and through me. I napped that day. I nap a lot, used to nap more, but I do it still upon occasion. So, one lone nap to me is no indicator. I am frequently tired. I have been since I met my son’s father. He sucked the life right out of me and I still fight to reclaim that. And having my son was not an easy feat either. The pregnancy took so much out of me. He turns six this year and I just recently felt I could honestly say my cycles were back on even keel and my body was in decent shape again since his birth…and that’s just the recovering from his interment and birth process, not having to keep up with him, his sister, or the stupid people that were around us at the time.
I’ve had bursts of cleaning energy, which also is not untoward with me. It happens, at random. I have to fight the urges to pull what little I kept from my older two children when they were babies; I let go of almost all of it when we moved into this house. I decided to do nothing until I have proof, one way or the other.
I have definite times to eat now, whereas before I rather meandered around eating times. For some reason, between two and three in the morning is prime time for feeding, for feeding the baby. I feel as if I am being prepared for what is coming. I tend to feel like that a lot though. Not just with this situation.
Other really weird stuff? My body reacts to things, completely independent of my mind. Or at least that’s how I see it. One thing is I have noticed that really strikes me is the fact I can’t really wear my normal jeans right now. See, I was a teenager in the 80s. I was one of those girls more than willing to use baby powder and a pair of pliers to get into my jeans. This was before they started to make jeans with spandex or whatever in them. Real denim has no stretch. I am used to wearing tight pants, even if these days the material stretches. I can’t stand it, for over a week now. But when I don’t feel well, this is a semi-normal reaction. I am lucky I have several pairs of jeans that are loose enough to be really comfortable, but still look like respectable jeans too.
Coffee. I want coffee. I am not a big coffee drinker. Never really have been. But with my sleep cycle topsy-turvy lately, I want coffee; I need something to keep me awake. I cannot order coffee when we go out; I cannot make coffee at home. Every time I so much as try, I get nauseous. No caffeine allowed, according to my body.
Even weirder, I cannot sleep on my left side, which is the side I normally sleep on. When you are further along in the pregnancy, sleeping on your left side compresses arteries and veins and who knows what, and inhibits blood flow to the baby. I have to fight myself to sleep on my left side. Even if I am pregnant, sleeping on my left side now when the baby is a mere speck is not going to hurt anything. Even so, I end up sleeping on my right side, because that’s the only way I can get comfortable.
My body has been reaching out to me, engulfing me, holding me, cradling me, trying to show me the way, trying to make me understand. My boyfriend has a point with many things he says, as in this could be in my mind, a false pregnancy, based on my wanting certain things to change where he is concerned (outside of our relationship and me, and outside of his job search). I could just so want to be pregnant I am thinking I am pregnant, imagining it.
Then why does my stomach crave the attention of my hand? Not my actual stomach, but my lower abdomen? There is no soul incarnated yet, but I can feel an energy source, something seeking my energy, my hand. My body is reacting, even as my brain tries to push the logical angle. My boyfriend, also very Intuitive and Empathic, does not think I am pregnant. He thinks it’s in my mind. He does not mean it to be as bad as it sounds. He’s not being mean about things. He’s trying to rationalize and to be pragmatic. I know the baby implanted on the left side of my womb. Just as I knew my daughter was on the right. Come to think of it, my son implanted on the left as well.
I do find myself rocking, when I stand or when I sit, as I do when I have an infant. I find myself seated at the computer, researching cloth diapers, pregnancy, layette needs. It’s been so long since I have had an infant, I am actually afraid I might not have everything on hand when he arrives. I finally bought ‘Spiritual Midwifery’ by Ina May Gaskin. That book is an absolute HOOT. Now, do keep in mind that this last year, before we moved here into this house, I was contemplating moving to the Farm. The only reason I didn’t was because of my son. This is the only way I will get to see him, if I live close enough for his father to drive back and forth. (just do an internet search for ‘The Farm’ in TN—it’s the oldest known, uhm, hippy commune still in existence…from the things I have read recently, it sounds like my idea of Heaven on Earth.)
Now, you judge my brain here. When I am pregnant, I cannot stand to look at the actual photos (or even the diagrams) of babies coming through and out the birth canal. Actual birthings scare the heck out of me; the contractions with my son were so painful I could not reach beyond them, I could not reach within them, it was more than enduring, more than breathing through them—there was pain, unmitigated and unstoppable. I think there are a lot of reasons for that. ‘Spiritual Midwifery’ has been such a blessing. I swear, Ina May Gaskin wrote it for me. When I am not pregnant, the photos don’t frighten me; I don’t really care for them, but I don’t slam the book shut and hide from it for awhile. I hid from this book for long periods of time after it arrived. Labor and delivery scares me. It always has. I can deal with pain; I just don’t like to. Having a baby as a single mother? No problem. Having to deal with the hateful ex for oh eighteen years? No problem. Labor and delivery? A perfectly natural uncomplicated (usually, thank goodness) process? Problem. Big problem.
Do you know one of the most blissful things I read while I was pregnant with my son (and preparing for the home birth, which I will be doing again) was that the body will do all the work if you let it. You can pass out and the body will keep on working. When you are afraid no one will be there when you give birth and you won’t be able to handle anything at all by yourself and you’ll screw things up, forget to do things, cut the cord the wrong way, something, there is a great bit of confidence and calm in the fact that your body knows what to do…and it will do it, with or without your assistance.
We cannot take an at home pregnancy test until July 24. You may not hear much from me until this time. I run hot and cold on everything. I want to write. I start writing. Stop in mid-sentence. Find something else to do. I start to draw. I stop in mid-line and walk away. I was supposed to knit my friend a doll. Or crochet it. I had everything out. All the books, patterns marked and ready. The yarns out and sitting here, waiting. My hands were shaking so bad I couldn’t do a thing. So still, it sits and awaits my attention.
I have about five books I meander through, when the urge strikes me. I ran through my vampire and shifter books too soon recently, and unless I want to re-read things, I have to work through what I have on hand, rather than my cotton-candy mind fluff stuff. I do morning pages at random. I move towards certain goals. I am not really covering anything.
I feel pretty much on hold. I know where I am ordering the cloth diapering system I have decided is best for us. I have decided I cannot go through what baby stuff I do have here. I want to clean out my attic as well. I cannot tell you if I am having twins now, or what. I did run a few things by my son, who is in touch with worlds we know nothing of, and he says one baby and it’s a boy. He’s looking forward to meeting his baby brother. Well, I think he is more looking forward to being the Big Brother for a change, rather than the Little Brother. He even said he would change diapers! Isn’t that great? At least til it comes time for him to actually do it? Then again, with my son, he might apply that fierce concentration of his to the task and do an incredibly thorough job of it.
Until we can take the test, my body keeps telling me, there is someone in here growing inside you, someone who loves you already, someone who already knows the sound of your voice. How can I deny that? How can I deny the longing I feel from within my womb? From within my own heart?
And yet, there is the logical side, the side that doesn’t trust me or My Self at all, pondering if this is a fluke, a falsity. A desire made flesh by my mind, but with no actual physical truth behind it.
I keep reminding myself: I have never had a pregnancy ‘scare’. Every single time I thought I was pregnant, I have been pregnant. My Guides know not to mess with me about this. Teasing me about getting pregnant is one thing; telling me I am pregnant and I am not is grounds for ….. complete decimation. Someone once told me I could not deconstruct the World. They were wrong. The World is energy. Energy cannot be destroyed in and of itself, but it can be re-arranged, altered, shifted and changed, from one form to another. My Guides are aware of what I can and will do if this turns out to be a lie. They know how much I want this, even if the timing is inconvenient for my boyfriend.
My body, on the other hand, does not lie. My body has never lied to me. I have failed to listen, failed to heed her calls and attempts to communicate. I have misunderstood her, misread her. But she herself has never lied. My body is reaching out now, speaking to me, more forcibly than ever I have heard her before. She has never come across this clearly before. I am impressed by her dedication to reach me, to have me hear her and react to her intentions. She is alive, in her own right. It is only right of me to honor her for that, to treat her well, to listen…and to be at peace.
We want this. We truly want this. With all our hearts.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Illustration Friday--On Tuesday!
Shaky
Is there anything shakier than the last leaf on a tree blowing in the wind?
Before colour:
After colour:
Is there anything shakier than the last leaf on a tree blowing in the wind?
Before colour:
After colour:
Crazy Bird
I told you the crazy bird had a thing for the shower curtain--here's proof!
And, darn it, I must be becoming a bird person. We went to the store yesterday...I spent $1 on a cat toy for the dog that I knew she'd snatch and destroy in 20 seconds (it took her longer, only cause she destroyed something else before she got around to the cat toy)--but spent roughly $40 on toys and stuff for the freaking bird!
Sarah Is Having A Give-Away!
My friend Sarah is having a TREMENDOUS giveaway on her blog.
Her art work is so amazing. I love it.
Go check out her post here to find out all the juicy details and sign up for your chance to win!
I know I am!
Another Late Manic Monday
175
Name two things you consider yourself to be very good at:
define "very"
I am very good w kids (not necessarily my own every day) and I am very good at knitting (but there are SO SO many better than I am).
Name two things you consider yourself to be bad at:
Staying angry with idiots who deserve it (yes, there's a story there-but no, not going into it now) and tickling catfish. :-)
Name one thing not many people know about you:
One thing not many know--that I don't mind many knowing?
That's the real issue.
I wasn't surprised when the ex started sleeping w someone--other than I am surprised a 20 something went for him--and I was actually more surprised it wasn't a guy--he so bored me in bed I stopped sleeping w him after we moved from the duplex to the house--and I stayed only because of the kids.
Name two things you consider yourself to be very good at:
define "very"
I am very good w kids (not necessarily my own every day) and I am very good at knitting (but there are SO SO many better than I am).
Name two things you consider yourself to be bad at:
Staying angry with idiots who deserve it (yes, there's a story there-but no, not going into it now) and tickling catfish. :-)
Name one thing not many people know about you:
One thing not many know--that I don't mind many knowing?
That's the real issue.
I wasn't surprised when the ex started sleeping w someone--other than I am surprised a 20 something went for him--and I was actually more surprised it wasn't a guy--he so bored me in bed I stopped sleeping w him after we moved from the duplex to the house--and I stayed only because of the kids.
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