A quick note per R’s request here, although he has nothing to do with what is being said: C, if you are reading this blog, make sure you go to my main writing blog; there’s a lot more stuff there for you, and some very specifically written for and to you, if you really have nothing better to do with your time other than tormenting yourself and giving yourself something to fume over, over things that have absolutely nothing to do with you. You can try to make this someone else’s fault all you want. Except that from day one, for five years, there have been communication problems on your part, because he has complained about that for five years. Consistently for five years. From the very first night. I was there. I heard it all. Not to mention the part where he says the relationship was only decent, decent, maybe, the first six to eighteen months. After that, you did nothing at all to do anything to encourage the relationship farther. It’s been dragging out that long. Although I myself understand staying in a relationship because you think you have to, being miserable for more than three years and there are no kids involved is moronic. Consider yourself lucky that he felt so bad for you, that he felt he could help you. You can blame me all you want—but he was looking at rings well before I moved back. If you hadn’t shown your true colors during your whole house buying situation, he might have bought one, despite his severe misgivings about doing it. He had dropped that plan long before I ever thought of moving back. So, go ahead. Blame me all you want. But it isn’t me who did this. It was never me that had anything to do with it. It was always you. It was always always you.
And a personal aside here—if you cannot clearly communicate where the boundaries are, like, this is finished and over, and stand by them, the other party is going to move on, without taking you into consideration. Since you have shown the proclivity towards nonverbal assumption rather than any rational sort of communication, and you have admitted how you have left other boyfriends without really letting them know verbally, just letting them figure it out for themselves, it is very easy to see why they don’t think they’re cheating on you, but you do. Because they think it’s all over and you don’t. I feel bad for you. I always have. One of these days, I truly honestly hope you can find the help you need to break out of your cycle and be the person you think you are, or the one you want to be, or whatever makes you feel whatever you need to feel. I watch people struggle with this issue every single day. Some of them get that help they need and move on to much better lives. Some of them don’t. I feel for you. I pray for you. I wish you only the best.
