House Update

            After a really treacherous week, culminating in a bizarre week-end (dealing w my 9yo daughter), I think I made some progress this week-end.

            Last week:  Do not let anything else fool you.  I am still in survival and recovery mode at the moment.  There is still …half a household to sort and unpack yet.  I am doing a little tiny bit every day, most days.  It is a slow integration process.  It’s not just that I pushed myself so hard during the moving part…because overall there were only a couple days when I pushed myself physically … this is mostly a mental …malaise…that whole this is my best friend and I promised never ever to move back in w him again…and here I am again…although as R keeps pointing out, circumstances have vastly altered this time around.  We aren’t just best friends any more…we are so much more…and I am not a room-mate this time.  I am a spouse/mate/partner…this is not ‘his’ house; it is ‘our’ house…and we will make it our home…that’s sort of the issue I am having at the moment.  That whole how do I get over my own issues where he is concerned and turn this place into our place, without disrupting all of his stuff…even though he wants me to disrupt his stuff…

            I had a very interesting experience last week…I’ve been rather vocal about the paring down of my wardrobe.  R has alternated between teasing me to get rid of more clothes to fit the space we have and the suggestion of building me more closet space…well, I took him at his teasing one day.  I went through every single item of clothing I own and ruthlessly sorted and purged things out.  It was not the easiest thing I have ever done.  When I started the process I was sort of ok with things, and sort of resentful…and as I continued, I questioned everything, including if I was doing this for me or for R…I questioned if I should do it.  So much time and money and effort had gone into every single item of clothing…not just in the buying of them, but in the transport of them…I filled another two 33 gallon bags, and another four 13 gallon bags, with another 13 gallon bag only half full full of nothing but clothing…and I am thinking there are still things in the basement that I didn’t find yet that I need to go through.

            No one who has lived w me or who has seen my closets in the past twenty years will believe that R and I now share a closet…and he has the larger half…and all my clothes (except winter coats of course…and my maternity clothes) fit in that one closet…my other clothes all fit in the dressers…sweaters will be going in the closet…it all fits…period.

            What you may not realize is two months ago now I had three closets, two chest of drawers, three small dressers, and who knows what else tucked into odd places…and now I have half a closet, my side of the dresser, and my side of the drawers under the bed and my part of the shelf in the closet…it’s a very different experience.

            I did finally manage to get my jeans down to 20 pairs…and I think maybe even less than that.  I got rid of nearly all the slacks I owned because I hadn’t worn them in so long.  I even tossed out more sweaters…so I am actually down to under 20 sweaters—and this includes cardigans, which can tend to be my weakness. 

            I cannot tell you how long it has been since I have been able to have all four seasons of clothing in one room…and the clothes not be in boxes or in bags for storage during a move…although at first I was quite upset…afterwards the catharsis set in and I felt better and better.  I really like this.  The longer it goes on, the better I actually feel.  That’s…strange…and interesting…all at the same time.

            R started teasing me immediately about the next shopping trip, when I will refill the shelves and the hangers, but I really do not think so.  I think I am good.  I grow more sure of that every day.

                        We had some interesting talks this week too.  Not only are we planning to build a linen closet into the empty space above our basement stairs, but we are also thinking of building at least one room downstairs, if not more…because the idea has been thrown out to have one room for the books and another room as an extra bedroom…we’ll have to see about that yet.  We’ve also talked about opening up the dining room to add a door to the outside and building a patio out into the backyard.  That is kind of thrilling…for me, it means more landscaping…not that I have even really started the landscaping projects around here yet…but I am planning, which means something.  Rose garden here we come…

This week-end, however, we were discussing the possibility of building onto the house…and other than the patio into the backyard, there’s not a great deal of room to build out, but there is room to build up.  This is the omg we just moved and I do NOT want to move again person talking here…both R and I are at the point in our lives where we actually need more land and less neighbors…but we are also willing to do a couple things about that…#1 like buying a vacation property elsewhere (we already know we are buying property in CO) and #2 like buying land here and building on it, or buying the big house w land and slowly moving into it…or chucking it all in and paying someone to pack and load and move and unload everything…at this point, we are both more leaning towards that option…

We also started our family planning discussions this week-end, though they were greatly curtailed by my 9yo and her actions (more on that later)…seems ‘space’ is one of those issues that we will have to deal with when the time comes…which I don’t think it is as bad as R thinks it is…there is a reason that we bought bunkbeds and not just because N loves them so much…we bought them w the intent of the boys sharing a room and breaking the bunks down to regular beds as needed…

Plans.  Our unpacking is often stymied…in order to work on E’s room, we must work on N’s room so we have room to do what we need to do.  In order to work on N’s room, we have to rearrange the living room and parts of the basement.  In order to get to those parts of the basement, we have to organize other parts of the basement…some of which includes selling off certain items (like a waterbed, the waterbed mattress, an electric stove…so on and so on…if you know someone who needs something, let us know…)

We have discovered we need something along the lines of a beer fridge—more like a beer and fresh fruits and veg fridge…or maybe just a beer and condiment fridge…and we both got rid of so much stuff from our fridges before we combined them, but we still lack room all over the place…it’s bizarre.  Luckily, we still have my old fridge out in the shed.  We still plan to go through the main fridge one more time before we do this, but overall, we think the 2^nd fridge will actually be a benefit…and since, now that we live w R, the way we shop and eat and prepare food is different, the whole 2 fridge thing may actually only be temporary as well.

We also have two deep freezes.  One is a small chest and the other a larger chest.  We are planning to combine and condense and use only the larger chest.  Then we can sell the other chest.  First, we need to get the big one down into the basement.  Right now, it’s in the car port…plugged in…working fine…and thank goodness it has a lock, because w my son around, we need one that locks…the little snoop.  N is always on the look-out for popsicles and ice cream.

So much to do…at least we have time…and as much as we feel rushed at the moment, we all know we’re home and we’re good…that goes a long way to making things better when we all get overwrought here.

Updates Ready

I am not sure how much of this I can do right now.  My hands are bothering me, my left especially.  I can say old war injury, and mean it.  Mostly, it has to do w SBC operator services…you know, the things I don’t like to talk about, so heinous are they.  I will do my best, but no promises.  I reserve the right to babble until my hands no longer twitch—and then continue on at a later date…

First thing, I love to travel w my boyfriend.  Not just because he lets me sleep in his lap most of the time, but because he makes things so easy on and easy for everyone around him, all the time.  Not just on trips, but all the time.  Since I am on a detonation timer when traveling, as in my fuse gets wicked short, any kind of concession and thoughtfulness booms large.  Second, I am not much for traveling anymore.  Long distance, short distance.  Nah.  Not my thing.  Let me stay home.  Give me a horse.  Seriously.  Or let me walk.  Otherwise, I am not really much for it.  I am too worn out from it.  Trips here in town.  Trips across country, where time stands still as you fight to get from point A to point B in order to reach point Z before nightfall…drives me bonkers…

I am glad we did it though.  Even though I am a shop-a-holic, it was good to see Dad.  Very good to see Dad.  Although I feel like a complete schmuck for showing up, going shopping, loading a gorgeous motorcycle and then …splitting….but that is pretty much what I did.  E got to spend some quality time w Granddad.  I got to go shopping at my favourite stores, which include Ikea, the half priced bookstore, and Gabriel brothers. 

I learned not to use the Enterprise rent a car facility in Florissant on Lindbergh.  They have great customer service, when they are talking to you, but if you are waiting, you are pretty much non-existent.  We were lucky we made it out of town Friday night.  I won’t go into that right now, because it makes my head hurt too much to care about—and since everything worked out ok, why bother?

I learned Fords are not such bad vehicles as I was lead to believe, me being a die-hard Chevy girl.  I have to abandon Chevy utterly now that Ed Whiteacre is in control—he ran AT&T into the dirt—now he’s going to do the same to Chevy—and oh yes, as a former employee I am doing nothing more than expressing my true heart-felt opinion there—he could care less about anything than the all-mighty dollar. 

I digress…

I learned that Fords draw blood, as effectively as any knife.  Few is the blade that will pass up my blood.  This 2010 Ford F-150 was no exception.   I went to adjust my position in the seat and somehow reached in between the center seat and the passenger seat—and the truck punctured my thumb—rendering me incapable of knitting for the most part—although I did make a stop at Joann’s and bought some yarn and a crochet hook—seven though w the other issues w my hands I wasn’t all that able to do much….

I did manage to get R addicted to Ikea, so I am very happy.  Once the move is managed, we are getting a bed from there.  Which means I get to do some finagling w the beds here, as we have one more than we need—we just need a mattress and box spring for it.  Not to mention, the kids want bunk beds…so there is that to ponder as well.  We’ll see.  The other house is coming now, as we have nothing left to use as an excuse.

We have decided, it seems, to wait on moving in together, only, in my estimation, because of the way things went in his past.  He seems to feel moving this fast this soon with us somehow negates things that happened in the past w the last girlfriend.  He couldn’t and wouldn’t move in w her—and here we are, ready, willing and able—and I come w an entirely different set of baggage than she.  I will not say I have more baggage—and I mean the kids here for me—than she carries—because from what I know of her personally, her baggage far outweighs mine—and she has no children ……….we can conveniently blame the issue here on the older dog who has incontinence problems though….

So, we are looking for a house in the same area as R instead.  Anything other than this house right now.  Even before the trip to WV, the driving back and forth was wearing on my nerves.  Now, as I sit here, listening not only to the rain hitting the roof, but to the leaking of the water through the roof, that drives makes me grind my teeth….I have already told R I am on a mission now to find that other house.

Our deal stands at…the kids and I get our house close to him…we use both houses as leverage for the next, bigger house, once his job is more secure…and once he gets that better job…bigger house, more land…no holds barred.

It really sucks to live this far away from him, since he and I both sleep so much better in each other’s arms.  That is a really big issue.  Our insomnia without one another.  Living closer together will change that.

Snarf—it’s not as if we haven’t had keys to one another’s houses for years anyway. 

I learned…lady bugs can be tenacious.  We had one in the truck w us on the way home—it didn’t want to leave.  E says she found it (or one just like it) crawling on her arm after we got home last night.  Not the first time, but the whole we are done for the night time.  Maybe the lady bug or bugs just needed a change of scenery and we were a good mode of transportation there. 

Let’s see.

E wasn’t too bad, considering. She actually stayed awake most of the trip there and back.  Luckily, the front seat obscured her view, so keeping R up and attentive was not an issue.

Ford F-150s have lots of head room, lots of leg room.  Plenty of room for a nearly 6 feet tall woman to lay down with her head in the driver’s lap.  It made the drive much more interesting, when I wasn’t actually asleep in his lap.  And gods bless the man, R did let me sleep, in both directions, going there and coming home. 

I learned I am moderately competent and confident at driving, on roads I know well, in a vehicle with which I am comfortable, so long as traffic is not asinine.  And so long as the weather is clear. 

However, I also learned, I do not need to be driving for more than 20 minutes or so at a time.  I do not need to be driving if there is traffic, more than a very mild set of traffic.  If it rains, forget it.  Anything more than rain, you’re lucky I am riding in the car.  

So, I technically CAN drive; I just should not be driving with my children in the car.  It’s far far too stressful for me.  Put me in a vehicle I don’t know—and pray gods above and below that traffic behaves itself and I don’t have to do anything that makes me the least bit uncomfortable, like pulling out in a big truck around lots of construction equipment…I can’t do it.

YET—note—as soon as we got the virago, I sat down on it, and I swear that bike was made for me.  I cannot drive.  I do not know how to drive a motorcycle.  Traffic terrifies me.  And yet, I sat on that bike and knew she was mine.  All I have to do is get over my fears, learn how to drive a bike and get my license…and I am good to go.  She’s heavenly.

On the trip, we went to half priced books.  Oh boy—did I blow my spending limit there.  BUT—I did buy a bunch of movies---I made it to the clearance section, most of it anyway—I made it to the writer’s books—I made it to the knitting books—and then I was dragged away kicking and screaming, more or less…R and E were hungry…I even managed to grab a cd while we were being checked out…and, thanks to R, I got the teacher’s appreciation discount as well…which was good, since they over-charged  us on a couple books—and I bought 2 copies of one book (although E is very happy because it was a knitting book and she got the second copy…)….I did manage to procure one fiction book…thanks to the clearance section….the rest I am very much looking forward to reading.  I found one book and as soon as I saw the author, I didn’t even open the book.  Eric Maisel.  Boom, in the basket.  E got some very good stuff….R got some very cool stuff…N even got some neat stuff out of the deal, even though he didn’t go w us.

E got to eat at her most favourite Cracker Barrel—and they indeed did have the fire lit…although we sat too far away to see it.  She was still happy.

Gabe’s was an experience for me.  Never got to find N a pair of shoes.  Forgot to drop the fringed purse in the cart.  BUT—bought eight pairs of awesome jeans that are not just long enough for me, but are over-long for me.  I have a thirty-four inch inseam…well, fine, thirty-three and a half, roughly.  Finding pants that are just long enough is an issue.  Finding anything over long…a miracle.  I got some skinny over-long jeans.  I got some wide-legged jeans—which I absolutely adore for some reason—also over-long.  I bought a bunch of shirts, although not all at gabe’s.  I have all my basics covered for now, except maybe nice thick fuzzy socks—which I am planning to be making myself here soon…I bought clothes for N, because he has no pants here, and T is not known for sending much w him when he stays.  Since we are going more places these days, N needs to have more clothes here w us, and T doesn’t approve of sending much w N here, or much decent well-fitting stuff at all, so I took care of that.  I need to find him shoes, but we’ll wait and see what he is wearing this week-end when he comes.  It was too cold for his sandals when we saw him the week-end before this last week-end, but we’ll see.  That was the only response I got today when I emailed T to let him know we were back and what we got for N—that T had bought him shoes last week.  Gotta love that ability to almost communicate w that guy.

E got the coolest pants, black with all sorts of red and pink roses all over it.  She also got some adult t-shirts to wear as nightgowns.  If someone can explain the one-eyed monster called Norma Jean, I’d really appreciate it. She also got some scary skully shirts.  And a vampire t-shirt. 

I bought granny boots  And some cool high heeled moccasins.  And of course, clearance for Frederick’s of Hollywood lingerie and sleep shirts.  Awesome, awesome time.  Everybody got a little something.  From R, to me, to the kids, to the dog…everyone…

It was actually terrific today, except for the whole doing laundry, unpacking, sorting, shifting stuff outside of this—I got to clean out my closets again.  Which is actually a very liberating thing.  It’s kind of disturbing , how much I love to buy new clothes as I shift styles and lifestyles…and how much I love to throw out the old stuff that just sits here reminding me of days that will never come again (because I won’t let them).  If I had to work in an office atmosphere, I do have the clothes to pull it off….but not like I used to have.  Even with all the stuff I bought, which is all much more me than the stuff I tossed today, I still ended up tossing more stuff than I bought—not to mention—I still have WAY WAY less than I had when we moved in here…the whole hoarding instinct is going away…even though I am not giving up my pack rat status.

I had so much more to say.  It’s late.  I’m tired.  I had a very long day.  My day today covered most of the trip costs, except the shopping sprees. 

Oh, we inherited fish.  We have three male mollies hanging out in a bucket here in my bedroom.  Dad gave us the five gallon and the ten gallon tanks.  What’s funny is just how good a thing it was he told me he was planning to give us the tanks…because I was contemplating buying a tank.  I was thinking just a small five gallon tank for the beta, and a ground crew for him.  But the betta, well, the betta passed.  I think we can safely say the waters grew too cold…although technically it wasn’t that cold…but that’s the excuse I gave when the kid found out that we no longer had a betta, so that’s the one I am sticking to about this.  What I wanted was more along the lines of a twenty or twenty-five gallon tank.  Some tiger barbs of various colours.  And bottom feeders as well.

So, here we are, with three male mollies.  Waiting for the waters to cycle through so the boys can find their new home, which is technically their old home, all redone. 

Originally, there were four fish coming home with us.  Originally, there was Big Boy.  He was a leopard botia.  The last remaining fish from MD.  He had grown large and fat.  He grew this way by eating everything else in the tank, except these three rather traumatized mollies.  He had his own bucket for the trip.  We never even pulled him out of his cave either.  I picked up the cave, out of the ten gallon tank.  He refused to budge.  I dropped him, cave and all, into the water filled bucket.  He did fine the first part of the trip.  He was alive and perky when we got to the hotel in Dayton.  There was a mighty splash the next morning.  When we checked the bucket later, there was dead fish.  I would like to say I was saddened by this, but I cannot.  All I could think of was, oh good, now I don’t have to worry about him snarfing anyone up as his dinner or anything.  Now, I am missing him a little more, now that I have discovered that botias eat snails…and we have snails….my quandary now is…do we buy more botia and risk another Big Boy who eats everyone and everything…or do we find something else that finds snails appetizing and try our luck there?  Hmm.  We’ll have to see…I haven’t decided yet. 

All I know now is we have to buy some female mollies.  Now that the boys are not running for their lives, they are going to start running after each other in the whole dominance play they have.  Too few females and the boys will run them ragged.  Will literally kill them in their over-zealous approach to reproduction.  So, two girls for every boy, just to keep things fair. 

But, we also need bottom dwellers, snail eaters of no.  And a single solitary plecto.  Yuck.  I am not a huge fan of the plecto.  Although they do serve their purpose.  We have live plants in the tanks, so algae is not a problem.  The plants take care of that.  But E must have her plecto…so I shall give it to her.

The five gallon tank needs a new light bulb.  E wants guppies.  The original plan was to keep the mollies in the five gallon tank, and let E breed her guppies to her heart’s content in the ten gallon.  No light bulb means no fish in that tank, even though we are going tomorrow to get a light bulb.  After R gets off of work.  Now, I have many ideas wandering through my head about that five gallon.  No reason not to get a couple corey cats and a betta for that tank.  The betta would be a happy camper.  We’ll have to see what strikes me the right way tomorrow in the pet store.

Any recommendations for online aquarium places would be greatly appreciated.  I do fresh water only.  I don’t care for buying fish sight unseen.  I just want a good place to get decent equipment without paying an arm and a leg.  I wasn’t planning to set up aquariums in this house, especially not with the move so close to happening right now.  But since we have tanks and fish, I am letting my inner aqua-fiend loose.  I have ideas.  They were working fairly well in other tanks, long long ago, but I was never able to really let go of everyone else’s pre-conceived notions about things and do things my way…I can now though—and I am looking forward to it.

The ex has friends who are raising discus fish, if anyone is interested.  Let me know if you are and I will get you contact information for them.  Don’t look at me for discus though.  E gets her mollies and guppies—live bearers.  Sigh.  Once we move, I am getting a larger tank.  I want a tank for my tiger barbs.  I want another tank for my angel fish.  I will be more than happy to give mollies and guppies away.  But then again, I am not against having an Oscar raised up on guppies and mollies either.  I might not have had tanks for awhile, but I am still my Pappap’s grand-daughter—I have no problem having many many tanks all around.  Although mine will be full of lots of different things….

Ahh, the planning stages of things…

I have to remember to ask Dad what the plants are we inherited.  I know the duck weed.  But there is a fern and another frondy thing too.  I’d like to know what the frondy thing is.  All the plants are free-floaters at the moment.  The frondy things have roots that seem to want to be planted, but after the cross-country move for everyone, I have no desire to plant things.  Let them acclimate for awhile and we’ll see afterwards.

I spared a glance around my room, as it is late and I still have a lot to do.  I caught sight of those high heeled moccasin shoes…and all I could think was…it’s so great to be a girl.  Those shoes.  One certain pair of jeans and any top I want…killer….I love it….

Alas, I have so much to do … just to be able to get into bed….much less the other things I need to do tonight to post things….

I have to get busy.

This is my trip update.  I reserve the right to re-visit things as they come to mind.  Not to mention, all the issues I had typing this up tonight.  I think I did rather well.

Thanks for listening….

March Madness Update

Hey, it seems like a really good title. ;-)

I only 'wrote' 875 words today. This does not count the huge email I wrote for my dad--or the fact that I caught up on what, roughly 10 gaia question and reflections--you'll need to go to my gaia blog to read those--I was too busy running back and forth via email and IM to want to post everything here. Not counting what I write here either.

I have a goal for myself for online networking every day--reaching out to other artists/writers/mothers/homeschoolers/whatever--by posting good comments on their blogs, just to let the Universe know that yes I am trying to play fair and be there and involved with everyone.

I made a HUGE push yesterday on the storage room--there are some massively big and undaunted spiders living in there--and I think there may be or may have been a mouse. A mouse is not a good thing--this is where all my yarn is -- all my sweaters are--and all our extra blankets are. Not to mention the paper, the magazines, the art supplies......the books. I have only two bookcases in there.
Let me tell you about the spiders. Now, first of all, when we first came to look at the house before we bought it, the spiders lived here. It was their house. I am fine with that. I have a Grandmother Spider tattoo (top of the line on the chakra chart for places I am willing to be tattooed on my body--as the very top of my head is not going to happen in the land of tattoo)--I have an affinity with spiders. I have for years and years. I am honestly cool with spiders. Mostly. I have no desire to be touched by the house brigade, although I am fine w dd getting a tarantula for a pet. One of these days anyway. When we did buy the house and were preparing to move in (as in before we left after signing papers to go back to WV to pack up and return here) I did inform the spiders we were coming back--and that I was perfectly willing to share the space, so long as we could co-habitate gently and compassionately. Most of which means if I don't see you, and you don't touch me, I will be ok with you wherever you want to live and be as long as no one is getting hurt.
Periodically, I have to have the odd talk with some new spider who decides to come in and move in to the bathroom and builds a funnel along the top of the wall in there. I have only had to remove one particularly tough customer--it was during the fall last year before the chill got in--and I have the compassionate bug grabber thing that we use to relocate bugs back outside. usually I walk in, see the nest, say hey, you have until tomorrow morning to vacate the bathroom or I will be forced to decimate your webs and put you outside. Ever since I bounced that one, I have not had an issue with anyone else leaving. I always give them overnight to scram. I do know someone is living behind the toilet, because she peeks out now and then to see if I am ready to close off the area under the sink more permanently (right now it is braced with cardboard since that's what I have a plenty of when we moved in). I do not mind this. The web is not where I have to stare at it while I shower wondering if someone is going to be joining me any second (don't make me go there this morning, please).
I basically pulled most of the storage containers out of the storage room. I had the stuff to seal the bottom of the window in there, so I did that. As I removed boxes/etc, I would vacuum the place out--and since I am not overly fond of ants in the house and we are having ant issues (they live in the foundation and are about to be vacated once we go to home depot in the next couple weeks--they have been informed--religiously over the past few months--ever since we moved in they've been warned--I lack the rapport with ants that I have with spiders--spiders are outside the box--ants cannot think to the edge of the box, much less outside the box) I sprayed at least one area w bug spray--informing the whole of the room I was doing so and telling the spiders quite loudly to stay away from that one wall. Up against the other wall, from between the deep freeze and whatever box once resided there comes this big puppy of a spider, all reared up and pissed off and ready to fight--the little sweeper vac I have, that I've been using to clean the floor (sweeping is so passe--especially when the dust pans run away and hide). Here I am, a giant to this little spider, who knows darn well I won't hurt him anyway, rocking this ginormous and LOUD sucker-upper thing in the general direction of the spider--for at first I did not see said spider and then when I did I was wondering how close I could get before the spider ran away. Note--the spider did NOT run away. The spider stood his ground. I however was afraid to get any closer w the vac lest I suck the poor thing up. So spider definitely trumps vac in that respect. That darned spider refused to move for over an hour, as I was re-arranging boxes, moving things in and out, dropping things, falling over things, knocking things over, including myself. I hope that arachnid had a really good time watching the show. By the time R arrived, the spider had retired, probably to laugh itself silly over my travails, but still. I hope it stays away from the insect-killer sprayed wall.

Dd has the beginner's pottery wheel kit. If she hadn't trashed my kitchen table yesterday (I SO had it all cleaned off) I would have let her start messing with it today -- after she figures out what to do w all her clean clothes that need to be put away--much less the other stuff in her room. Gosh--what a pack rat--and even though she gets it honest it still drives me crazy. I am looking forward to playing with that thing too, but if she won't keep her end of the bargain in the box it stays. I drove her nuts last night because I bought some air dry clay. I really am pondering the whole clay bowl aspect--or just the bowl aspect because I think I am this close . to knitting a bowl--although I still have the sisal to crochet the knitting basket--which is what--just a really big bowl, you know? I bought the air-dry clay and told her it was only for me. She was in such a pissy mood yesterday--channeling her cousins does not make my girl a very pretty person. I nearly had R stop the car and let her out many a time. If she were closer to 12 I might have actually done it, she was so mean and nasty. All because R got the better of her in a game that she started. Pre-puberty is so much fun--do I have to live with her when puberty hits???

She also seems rather upset over the fact that R and I are so close. I am not all together certain if it's because she thinks I am cheating on ND--a man who has yet to enter my life (just so that's really clear)--or if she's just mad that it's R. She had a cruddy night of sleep, culminating in the whole kicking griping snarling asleep and yet not asleep garbage she does after spending time w the x and his family (and when she has issues to deal w of whatever sort) --which woke me about 4a--I fought t stay in bed til roughly 5, 530a. As soon as I got out of the bed, I didn't even have to leave the room, and she hit the smooth even easy sleep of the innocent. We'll see how the rest of the day goes once she gets up--although I am not looking forward to it.
It's bad when I look at her and think, if I could just dump her off in public school and let them deal with her attitude, but that's my thought ever since she got back w the x on Sunday. And I feel SO BAD when I think that. Public school would destroy her. Differently than it did me. But it would destroy her and she'd never be her own person or be able to have a creative thought in her head ever again.

Sheesh.
How did I manage to get off on that tangent anyway?

We did find her hidden christmas present, the one I lost. The space age ant farm kit. It was in a box--no laughing--under a huge bunch of yarn (of course!!) Do you have any idea how weird it is to order live ants online? Knowing they will probably live maybe a month, maybe two, living in some weird funky blue goo? Have you heard me talk about our ant issues here in the house anyway? I am about to pay to have ants eradicated--while buying ants to treat as little hostages and captives and torment in captivity (they won't really be tormented, except that they live in a plastic cage and eat and breathe blue goo).
Better yet, I found a computer power cable (for a laptop) that I have ben hunting for for weeks now--it was stuffed in between fabric and some other detritus in one of the plastic storage containers that don't have a lid. Well, at least I found it. I knew it was here. That has to count for something. :-)

I am very nearly done w the re-arranging the storage room. I actually need to pull something down from the attic--then the ladder can go outside. R and I were too busy yesterday for me to remember a great many things. I need help moving the old kitchen table to the car port--although I am still thinking it may be good on the back porch for plants. E's two amaryllis are sitting out there now. And I need to move my rue more away from dumb dog before she kills them--or the cat eats them. Am waiting for our live plant orders to come in--I want to do the planting all at once. That's jsut me though. :-)
Plus I am having to re-negotiate some things about the back fence-line just because of the way we are planning to do it. At least I do know that that will be done soon and I will feel alot better then. :-)

Nearly time for work--so more to come.

But I am working on something every single day. And now I have poster board too. The smaller kind, but it still counts. I am looking forward to doing a bigger dream board. With what happened with the little one in the book, I am ever so eager to see what happens when I really am able to spread my wings and reach out. Although the theme may just be the same. You never know. I have 12 pieces of poster board. I can change and do the same and re-arrange and many other things. I am looking forward to it.

Peace.