Today is day 2 of my "draw 100 complete pictures in 100 days" challenge. :-) I did draw the picture for yesterday. I am still pondering subject matter for today, but it will be done.
Yesterday, I drew a tree. It's pretty unspectacular. Like the elephant I am so very proud of--without the colour and texture, they are just a bunch of lines. The tree even more-so than the elephant.
I did get notification this morning...my dickblick order shipped out yesterday. So, maybe tomorrow or the next day it will be here? I can hope. :-)
We went to hobby lobby yesterday. Oh, so good and so bad all at the same time. I figured it was easier to just grab a set of drawing pencils, now that I have more research in mind about the hardness and softness of pencils, than to fight to find mine, if i have them still....so I have 'official' drawing pencils to play with now.
I bought blank cards and envelopes because I am planning to make my own card for my dad for father's day. Why? Because a few days ago, I was stuck on a call with a hyperventilating client and I was perusing etsy to still my brain to not get too involved in the emotional upheaval...I am learning new ways to clear and to pct myself every day...thank goodness....but while on etsy I saw the cutest card with bees on it ... and my dad loves bees. My dad is like me, to a degree. He has limited space. He doesn't need a whole bunch of stuff to clutter and crowd his trailer. BUT, I like to get him stuff. Ev likes to get him stuff. So, I have to come to some sort of compromise. I saw this really cute card and I thought, wow! $7 with shipping, huh. It's not that cute. Then, it dawned on me. I can draw. Do you know what....I REALLY can draw! I may not be good at it. I will never be as good as so much of the stuff I see online or anywhere else....but I don't suck completely. At least I hope I don't. The card was cute, but it wasn't exactly what I wanted for Dad. Guess who can create exactly what I want for my dad? ME!
So, I bought a pack of blank cards and envelopes, for drawing.
Now, I have been doing WAY too much research on papers lately. So, I stood there staring at the water colour blank cards, and the oil painting blank cards and everything else....my brain just bubbles over....
All I can say is thank you, Great Spirit, for the man in my life right now. As I stood there, paralysed with wonder and desire over way too expensive paper, all I could think was, I am so frakking lucky R is here for me. No other person in my life has ever --EVER-- gotten me the way this guy does. No one else would have put up with my weird salivation over paper, or pencils, or paint brushes I stare at with such intense desire but am too afraid as yet to pick up.....no one else would just love me the way I am and encourage me the way he does....I am more used to the back-sided 'compliments' of do whatever you like, as long as you don't expect anything to come of it.....I could be more specific, but I have no real desire to go there right now.... I am blessed to have this man who is so bloody supportive of everything, no matter how very weird I can be, and the best thing about him is he isn't afraid to tell me when I am too nuts or when something sucks. He's nice about it, usually :-) , but he still tells me. THAT has to be the most precious thing in the whole world.....
ANYWAY....while at hobby lobby, I actually picked up things that had captivated me when I was perusing dickblick.com the other night. I found myself a decent 18in X 18in drawing clipboard....instead of an easel, since mostly right now I need everything flat and moveable...I am looking forward to painting and water colours.....so we'll see how I feel once I reach those levels.....I also grabbed 2 different sizes of art portfolios--8-1/2in x 11in and 9in x 12in. Now, as a writer, who hasn't had a writing portfolio, or a poetry portfolio either, put together in more than oh 20 years or so.....I know the importance of a portfolio ... and I understand the relevance. You have portfolio if you plan on going out to pimp your work....ahem...to market yourself. A portfolio is your walking resume of sorts.
Do you really think I trust myself enough in my artwork to be thinking hey I need a portfolio to start dragging this around for other people to gawk at and stumble over??
Apparently, I really do. I have them sitting right here beside me. Even with the thought of well, I will have them here to store my work in if nothing else is not really helping me, because each portfolio holds 48 drawings. By September 8, 2009, I will have over 100 drawings completed...that is well over the 96 pockets I have available here. And I bought them knowing that....Plus, I bought them knowing every single drawing I do I will not feel that good about nor want everyone to see--although that won't stop me from posting pictures here online. :-)
I bought some stuff for other projects as well. Some I cannot talk about til after Father's Day, but hey. I am pretty excited with myself these days. :-) It's dawning on me--I really am good. It's scary as all get out...but it is.
I bought some bristol board ATC blank cards. Vastly different from the ones we got through oriental trading a couple years ago--which is ok because I bought those to play and practise on....
I have 20 'real' ATC blanks now.....and I am almost worried about what to do with them....
I do buy things in preparation for things to come...that's what I am doing right now....
And the proportions of the things I seem to be preparing for in the future, they scare me.
I had a reading done by the ex's bokur years ago now.... the man told me I would own my own transcriptionist business from home and I would have people working under me.....I knew when he said it there was no way I'd be doing transcription....and yet, I have in my lap right now the beginnings of my own toll free number....my own 'network', only I will not be running it the way the network I currently work for runs theirs.....I already know I have a couple clients....and I know I have a couple people who will be willing to work for me.....
The more I run through this idea mentally, the bigger it gets, the louder it gets, the more afraid I get, the more research I want to do, the more i need someone I can trust completely to lean on and help me with things....the more I wonder what's really stopping me from doing it right now.....
I do know--here's the one way I am going to end up working for myself, having people work for me, and taking care of myself the way I want to be taken care of....this is where I am going to be successful with what I do .....
and that isn't even anything at all to do with my writing or my art work.....
As scary as that all sounds, I am kinda looking forward to all of that...but I want to do it right....so I am waiting for other things to work their way out....I need to feel specifically grounded and secure when I start these enterprises that keep wafting up through my synapses....
Other things outside my realm of control... but things I do know are coming to an end to allow new things to follow and blossom....
I bought 4 tomato plants yesterday -- and a couple weird looking hybrid 'mints'. I seeded the new fence-line with mint seeds--but the darn dog dug up all the soil we had used to fill in the area that had had to be dug for the installation of the fence....I haven't gone out to check if the seeds took or not yet....I have more dirt to refill the space...but if the seeds took I will let them grow. Mint is a 'pest'--very invasive--which is what I am hoping for. Especially since it can get pretty tall too.
The tomatoes are going into the upside down garden. I'll be working on that at some point, probably tomorrow. I have to decide if I am seeding the top garden part or if I am going to just buy plants to grow up there....
it would make more sense if I knew more of what I wanted to PLANT up there too ... so I will have to work on that. All I want right now is to get the tomatoes in and settled. We can move from there.
I also bought 2 big snake plants--since they were $5 each. I love snake plants--they are hard to kill--even for me.....
I have been thinking of buying more bamboo too....it really needs so little light...I am loving that. They are hardy. I cannot over-water them. It's terrific.
Was also thinking of planting tall ornamental grasses in the side yard too. The bushes may be growing, but not as quick as I would like....I want shade cover right this second. :-)
I was going to plant my castor bean seeds today--but the package says they need to soak 36-72 hours before planting.....so they are soaking now. I am going to plant them along the side of the house where my bedroom is...since my room is the hottest room in the house.....and surely castor plants will grow much faster than these bushes--and be 12 feet tall to boot.
I am also setting up some interesting goals for myself concerning the house. I keep whining about my ice pick (I know I know :-) ), but know my way is blocked by a bunch of toys we 1 haven't gone through since we retrieved all our things from WV/MD and 2 that E decided she didn't really want or need in her room although she wasn't ready to get rid of them.....
I am officially tired of stuff like that...and I am ready to let that stuff go....among other things....
My goal is to move through one small space at a time and purge it out. I have the lids for plastic bowls/containers under my kitchen sink--when we brought everything back from the budget truck fiasco I hucked the unnecessary plastic-ware out, knowing the lids were under the sink waiting to be tossed as well...but I was too bloody lazy and unwilling to just go through them and let go.
I feel a need to go through things and let go of things...of alot of things. We are already looking ahead for when we move. If my dreams are correct, and I have no reason to doubt them at this point since everyone else in Real Time seems to be agreeing and agreeable, I have no need to rush. But there is a need to let go of alot. Now, after this lifetime and so many others of 'lack', I tend to be a pack rat...and yet I AM able to purge and toss--which I have been doing to some extent....
Sometimes it is very hard. Example: I have a ton of towels. Alot of them are ratty and unnecessary--til it rains and we need something to towel off the dog...but there is no real reason to have so many .... I have tried to let go of alot more of them...but if I cannot get them to the humane society I don't want to do it...and I can't do that right now because I have no transportation. And I know if I go to the animal shelter, someone will probably be coming home with me.....and since R has 3 dogs and I have 1 dog...and it would be a dog coming home with me.........you see why that's not a good idea. :-) We are not talking teacup chihuahuas here. :-)
I know when we do have a firmer date for moving--no, we technically are not even looking at houses either, thank you, I have enough stress right now.....I know I will be pitching out even more stuff....even though I also know I am paying someone to move me next time. And every time hereafter as well....but for now--I want to feel more comfortable in my own home.....
My goal for this week is to clear out the stuff under my kitchen sink...and then to start on the storage room at some point this week...I want to be able to get to those books in there...I know I have drawing and painting instruction books in there, somewhere, among other things....I will be happy to start under the kitchen sink...then decide where to go from there.....
Oh, one word on elephants.
Elephants have been in my life for awhile now...even if I didn't really recognise it.
I walked through my house, just looking. I knew i would find Ganesh...I have a couple statues and even more pictures. What didn't dawn on me is things like the little elephant planter I have with 1-2 stalks of shorter bamboo in it...the memory of having to have that specific little planter with its bamboo the day we got it with my dad is still hazy, but I know there was a definite reason I HAD to have the elephant...even though this was what 2 years ago? Maybe more now?
Then there is the little gold elephant that you can see the moment you enter my house. It's a Chinese good luck symbol. I never really researched it farther than that. I have Her (and yes, it's always been a her) hanging between my kitchen and living room....She is supposed to be auspicious....guess it is time for more research...
and after researching White Elephants and reading about the Buddha's mother's dreams before she got pregnant...am I not supposed to be a little bit freaked out by the fact I keep dreaming about 2 white elephants, when I have known for 5-6 years now I am going to give birth to twins here soon....nope, not pregnant, just saying we know it's coming....
I have one more goal to put out here:
This month's Full Moon Dreamboard.
As things stand at this moment, I am planning to draw my own dreamboard......now, if I think it's 'good enough' to show and use as my 'official' dreamboard or not is still questionable--but this is my goal......
And now-I must figure out what to draw today...since I planted sunflowers this morning, I am thinking that is a good place to start....
Peace....
