New Moon On Wednesday

Yes, I know it's Thursday...I am of course running behind, on all things...

      The September New Moon was yesterday.

It is time to meditate, to brood (like a hen) over a new crop of ideas…do the ideas really have to be new?  Or can I take my perfectly usual ideas and fluff them up a bit, set them back up on the pedestal and work harder this time around in order to achieve these goals?  I like that image…these ideas, turned into goals…and letting the work begin.

Where do I want to direct my energy?

Home.  My Home.  OUR Home.  Capital H.  Some days, I wander around, wondering if I really belong here, if I really fit in here.  I am the airy fairy artistic type.  I have warned R about this over and over.  I will never be conventional.  He knows that—he knows me.  It does suck to date someone you’ve been such good friends with for 11+ years…the man knows my moods and my behaviors better than I do some days…it is disconcerting.  Be careful what you wish for…I wanted a man who ‘got’ me, who understood me…yeah, well, now I have one…and it can be very …painful, annoying, aggravating, etc…when he points out he recognizes my actions and knows what comes next based on my past relationships…and I can’t quite get the point across to him…or to myself…that no matter how nuts I am or how estranged I get, the one huge difference is I do not want to leave this relationship, I have no desire to end this relationship, and nothing in Heaven or Hell or anywhere in between is going to destroy this relationship.  It’s just getting over my guilt, after all we went through as friends, much less as lovers, living here again…without shoving all of his stuff aside and feeling as if I am completely taking over…among other things…

Home.  Energies directed towards Home.  Turning house into Home, Our Home.  That includes organizing, building things like shelves, putting up mirrors and pictures, mopping, vacuuming…nestling in…nesting…on a whole other level.

                              (c) 2010 T Webber

Funny.  Home is the first thing that comes up.  It really does mean so much to me. Home with a capital H.

Next is my art.  Drawing.  Painting.  Sculpting.  Today I need to find my molds and make some doll heads.  I decided that I am making key dolls for the craft show in November.  I still need to pull out some of the alpaca fiber I have and see what I can do w that in regards to my dolls as well.

The one doll head I sculpted by hand that I love so much…I can’t find it.  I can find the other three that didn’t do a thing for me, but not the one I love and want to use as a template.  They were all together on top the dresser…now, who knows?

I had such an epiphany not too long ago, while reading America Knits by Melanie Falick.   The piece in there about Katharine Cobey hit me, hard.  Hard.  Knitted sculptures.  Wow.  I knew I wanted to move into other fields…I still yearn for the day when I get my blow torch and plenty of metal with which to play…but Katharine’s work really touched me.  Enough that her recommended reading list is now part of my going to buy list…except that I already own quite a bit of what’s on her list.  She has a new book coming out soon, Diagonal Knitting.  I am excited about that.

Now, I have been to art galleries and whatnot that had knitting on display…the last one I remember were knitted bowls without a bottom that ended much like jellyfish tentacles, all suspended from wires and entwined with one another.  It’s been four or five years since then; that really is all I remember, other than my sense of utter awe that someone would knit art…that knitting could or would…or SHOULD be considered art…

My epiphany revolved around the whole…I can do this.  I can open up and explore this avenue of/for artwork.  I believe it was the Ritual Against Homelessness that really caught my eye, but there were so many other things as well…the Portrait of Alzheimer’s is another that I simply fell in love w instantly…

I am being drawn to books like Kitchen Table Entrepreneurs and Crafting A Business all over again…I believe my counseling work is important, but there is another realm, another facet to my life that is just begging me to reach out and grab it…and I think they are all combined with one another.  Spirit inhabits everything I do…I simply have to embrace that and express it more fully, more completely…

            I have the skills.  I have the talent.  I have that mind-numbing nerve-wracking terror of…success.  That is what I need to overcome, right there, fear of success.  How does one do that?

            Kerry the Glass Fairy, my divine and utter Muse, worked so long and so hard to get me into craft shows…over a year she asked and suggested and recommended…then again, if either of us had been more prepared we would have split a table at Pagan Picnic this year.  I allowed that break-in at the house across the river to hinder me for far too long…

            And there is a boom! Gotta do it!  Right there.  Pagan Picnic.  Time to select a booth size and reserve that table/space…ohmygosh…I am serious about this….wow.  I don’t think it occurred to me how serious I was until right that moment.

           

            Now, I am not planning, necessarily, to make a new dream board this Full Moonhttp://jamieridlerstudios.ca/full-moon-dreamboards…did you know that the Full Moon and the Equinox are on the same night this month?  I am still happily working with my last dreamboard…but then again, I may make a much smaller one for this month…I feel more ‘stuff’ brewing and bubbling…a dreamboard may be exactly what I need to draw that all forth…this is the first time I haven’t said anything about my writing or my counseling work…I am interested to see where the rest of this goes…