I may not read every blog I follow every single, but I do catch things here and there. I am frequently led to posts that trigger something in or for me…or resonate with me on some level. Today is one of those days. I love the title of this blog anyway, Sugar Filled Emotions. I just love that. The post I read there today was about having a goal for your life…It’s not just having a goal, like I will retire at age 40 or I will travel the world or anything like that. It’s your goal for your every day life, your personage, your self. An example may be, I will live life to the fullest every moment of the day. I love this idea.
It’s actually something that has been sort of sifting through the edges of my brain for months now…as I have pared down more and more, as I have let go of more and more, as I have started to see the things that are important to me and to really experience life in such an amazing and magical way.
It’s taken me quite some time to get to this point in my life. During the past two weeks, it has dawned on me that all the goals I had set for my life, as opposed to those I have set for myself, have all been altered, changed, let go of…all those things I held dear…the Rescue Ranch. My rabbits are my consolation prize in a way. R and I had that discussion a long time ago. I have always wanted to go somewhere, MT or WY, as far away from human contact as possible, and have just acres and acres of land where I could rescue and rehabilitate any kind of animal that needed it, whenever it needed it…along with being as far off the grid as possible, raising our own food for human and animal, so on and so forth. I let go of that because of all that R has been through in his life. He wants to stay close to his family, and given his past, I know how much that means to him…so I gave up that dream because I love him enough to do so…because he and I agree that we can manage a smaller sized version of this dream locally, in this area…without him having to leave his family…without him having to leave his friends…the whole shebang.
I have given up …many other things that I am not prepared at the moment to go into in a public forum…
When we moved in w R, I let go of so much…from furniture to clothing to different material things I had held on to for years for various reasons (discussed previously in the past two months on this blog, if not longer) … and I was faced with all the issues that came up when we moved in…also discussed previously in the past couple months…it’s been difficult for me…and obviously it’s been difficult for my daughter as well…I am still letting go of emotional baggage, from my past, from my past relationship w R, from our future relationship…strange how things are, how things work…
So many things have come to the surface in my life lately…different pathways that I never anticipated exploring…I never stopped to think I should have a manifesto…because that is exactly what is called for here, exactly what Melissa talks about in her post…but…I find it thrilling and exhilarating and absolutely something that is needed. It will help ground me, at this time when I feel like a mermaid spat out of the sea into a desert…
But what should it be? What could I be? What should I see so clearly that it should become my focus?
I am happy being me, right here, right now.
That’s what it is. No matter what anyone else says or thinks or does…no matter whose toes I step on or how many people I offend…I live my life with love…no one else really matters when you walk right down to it. No one else really knows what it is like to walk in my shoes (good luck too with those 6+ inch stilettos…)
There are so many people I can pay homage to, for helping me along my way…R, who has been here for 10+ years and who knows me inside and out; Tracy, my loving friend since, what, like, before high school? Kerry, who is my Muse and my inspiration and who likes to smack me w faery dust when I least expect it when we’re talking about different things…Sarah who has done nothing but inspire and encourage and believe in me, which for me is so priceless…and as much as he and I both hate to admit it, I can give Tony some credit now and then…because so long as I am not living with him, he’s not so bad, really. These are just a few of the people up close and personal in my life. Well, a couple of them, as close as cyberspace will allow, but still, near and dear to my heart none the less…
This is what I have to share this afternoon. What sort of credo or manifesto or little saying are you going to use as your own personal mantra? What best describes you and makes you feel…right with your world?
Blessings…
