The Full Honey Moon Dreamboard

Look what Jamie said about this full Moon--the Full Honey Moon to me this time, my dears....

"""The Full Strawberry Moon, the Full Honey Moon, the Full Rose Moon, what a luscious, sensual moon we have to bless our dreams this month."""

She said this--and so much more....check it out...



I walked outside last night and looked up at the moon...
When I looked, I saw the moon ringed by clouds...almost a spiral..radiating out from a honey gold moon into shades of pale pink into dark raspberry further out...
What I also saw was a HUGE face, like the face of Imhotep in the 'Mummy' movies (the ones w Brendan Fraser and Rachel Weisz), when he was in the sand or in the storm....big wide holes for eyes and an even larger hole for a mouth wide open...
In front of this face, standing directly in the path of the mouth, was a figure. There were hips, long flowing curly hair, breasts. A woman. A woman possessed. She had her arms out in front of her--either like a zombie or--as if she were about to dive off a diving board--or a cliff.....I dream fairly frequently of diving off a cliff...which is strange as 1-I am terrified of heights and 2-I can't swim and 3- I am terrified of water, especially ocean water--even though I desperately love the Ocean...


I stood there in awe, staring and stunned, as my Guides literally whacked me in the back of the head to be sure I saw that...they kept telling me...make a choice...make a decision...now is the time to move...MOVE...DO SOMETHING....
You either jump--take that leap of faith.....or the bad man swallows you whole and you never get to be you and never get what you want (or I become like a 'Men In Black' agent, find something in the man's gut to use to shoot or gouge my way out, fight, triumph, win....but why endure all that pressure....and slime?)




These are pictures I drew in response to that moon....mandalas......

Then, there's my dreamboard.

Now, when I woke up this morning, I had a plan in my head to draw my own dreamboard....but my son turned cranker monkey on me early on. He is beginning to REALLY hate having to go back to his dad's after the week-ends w us. This week-end I was in tears dragging him out of the car to return him to the ex.

Then the ex was a butthead--he was mad at me because he didn't respond to an email and I was supposed to just read his mind. So it was all my fault I didn't assume he would do something in response to an email I had no way of knowing he'd gotten.....and he yelled at me...he yelled at me...

The real issue is not that I should have assumed he'd read the email and should have assumed that he would actually go out of his way to be sure he was there closer to 1p rather than 130P...the real issue is I am in a sincere and long-term committed relationship with my best friend...and I cannot tell you if the fact that T and R have been at odds from the very beginning...for a variety of reasons....or if T is just twisted and knotted all because I am in a relationship at all....regardless of with whom.
T and I were almost getting along. He'd come to drop N off, stay about an hour or so, talking to E, sometimes talking to me. Hanging out and trying to put on the show that we are comfortable and friendly as parents, and still interested in E's life on some level. He would respond to maybe 3 out of 10 emails. He would forward weird things to me he thought I would like.
Then I had to decide to be honest and open and up front--I told him I was in a committed long-term relationship....and then the emails stopped. I get an answer to 1 a week. Period. What time are you dropping N off? That's it. He doesn't respond to questions about N--he doesn't respond to questions from E--his sister had E overnight for Memorial Day--and I told him I was waiting to hear about if he was bringing her home or what because R might have been able to pick her up, since it's a heck of a drive to St Charles/St Pete to here and then back...but I never got a word...not email...not phone call...not a word about when she was sleeping over...if things went ok...until he was pulling out of the drive I wasn't really sure what was going on...and trying to ask him anything is moot since he just ignores me point blank...which he did all through the relationship and is a major reason we never worked....

Now he's here for 5 minutes, if that, to drop N, to pick him up. Today, when he yelled at me, that was the first he'd actually spoken to me in weeks, other than what time he was dropping N off, or grunting some monosyllable response to a question of mine about...anything. And I did very good--I turned and walked away without engaging with him. Which made me feel like dirt. There's my little boy breaking down and screaming like mad and all I could do was kiss him, tell him I loved him and walk away without trying to calm him or comfort him or anything. My little girl had gotten out w us to see T and she had had questions for him too and I had to snap at her and drag her along to get her to move because she was so confused and hurt by his yelling at me. Then R was waiting in the car...and he can read me from miles away so he knew I was ticked before we reached the car...this may be the very last time T gets away w something like this. It didn't take alot of persuading this time to get R to let it go...simply due to circumstances at the moment...but next time--and we all know w T there will be a next time--all I can do is grab the kids and take a walk. I am not worried about a physical confrontation--but there will be words...and they will not be pretty. T already cannot and will not deal w R--R who took the responsibility of taking care of me while I was pregnant w N because T would not and could not--I gave birth to N in R's house, for the love of peace.

Argh. Talk about digressing. My apologies. Anyway--that gives you the whole framework for my brain.

I come home. I have to work a minimum of three hours today to get in my time...I worked over 5--and they were an excellent 5 hours.

I did not have a plan. I just grabbed and did--while I was on the phone w a client.

I had decided a few days ago this dream board would be about my work life.

Actually, it was 6/6/09--and wreck this journal is responsible. I wonder if this book will last 6 weeks. I was on the phone last night, w several different clients, and I kept scribbling in my journal. It IS a journal after all. Instead of doodles on some pages--I scribbled--there is no other word for it. Most of my scribbles had to do with the fact that my job is sucking the life out of my soul and my heart. I love what I do--I hate the company/network I work for....and I am already determined I am not working for the network much longer. But it is the HOW and the WHERE and the WHAT that has me caught and stuck...and I am so afraid of not having money to pay the mortgage, or buy food, or these days, to buy drawing paper and coloured pencils......and as much as I love R and know what he is willing to do for me and with me, I will not allow him to cover my bills at all...I can't. I won't. But I can move forward-I can move slow-but slow counts-movement at all counts. I am determined and I do not give up easily at all.

First thing I did was grab a map I just got in the mail, yesterday in fact. I decided how big I wanted my dream board to be. And I cut the map down to that size. Originally I thought I would use the map as my setting, my backing, instead of poster board or anything else. Then, as I sat on that call, I began to cut out images. Used only 1 source for my images....but it was SO perfect.

This dreamboard is definitely focused and month oriented as well (not long-term, like over the years, as past boards have been...). :-) I am kinda proud of myself there.

The map is because I am always asking 'how do I get there?'--I am forever trying to figure out...'how do I get from here to there?' That's my big issue. So I used it as the basis for my dreamboard. If I have a map, surely I will be able to find my way there. Right?

Again, Wreck This Journal is all over me. I had a bunch of images cut out. I took the map and wadded it up into a ball and tossed it across the room. I went out in search of my smaller pieces of poster board--and grabbed one. Grabbed it and 2 bottles of poster paint--because you know I have to paint my own backgrounds in order to start my dreamboard, every time.

Like a sunflower--or the sun--blooming outward--into the passionate flaming embrace of the red. Hey, colour magic works too, ya know! Plus, the colours blend together, synergy there.



Now, I took my map and smoothed it out, just not too much. And it hit me. I need to burn through my Maya and reach what is really within. This time, I could not just use an incense stick either. So, still on the same call (it was 2 hours long!)
I took my map into the bathroom w me, w a lighter in hand, shut the door, since there is a smoke detector right there, couldn't turn on the vent fan due to the noise/being on a call, but I shoved the shower curtains as far from me as I could, turned the faucet on atrickle--just in case--and stepped back. I folded the map over and over several times. Then I set fire to the edges. I was working on the third edge before it dawned on me that just because there was no flame didn't mean the fire was not actually BURNING the paper. So I immediately thrust the paper into the stream of water, not thinking until almost too late that I had yet another side left to burn and the water would really mess that up....but I did manage, in spite of myself.

No animals or children or household anything were harmed in the flaming of this map. And no fire alarms went off--it's not good w a client on the line to set off the fire detectors--ask me-I do it fairly frequently--too much incense usually. :-) When I smudge the place, it is SMUDGED! :-)



Here's the map after some artful placement and gluing and wiping away of icky ash I knew would not stay in place after I started gluing things down.




This is the basis of my piece, homage to the 5 elements, you might say. At least that was how I was looking at it.

This piece amazes me when I stop and look at it. The images all came from a tourism catalog, all these images--and the map too.

I am interested in the animals that are showing up. Horses. I keep feeling the urge towards raising horses when we get the Ranch. The Ranch is part of my Work, yes, even if it is a couple years up the road. I have already agreed to adopt at least 5 mustangs, from various places, for various reasons. A far cry from draft horses and thoroughbreds, but still, good animals.
There is an eagle. And a whale's tail. I fought putting that whale's tail in there, since Leah has been having whales show up for her in her work alot lately and I read her blog alot....I was afraid I was pulling her stuff into mine for whatever reason...but my intuition and my Guides kept forcing...it has nothing to do at all w Leah. It really is all my own stuff here. I have alot to learn.

There is alot of artistry here too. I found two pottery images, of people working the clay with their hands. Glass working/blowing. The dancers. Carving dolls. Even though I don't work wood this way...the dolls deserve mention. Healing touch/massage therapy. I don't want to do actual and only massage work, but I would like to work more with that part of my life, the healing work I can and I love to do. Gardening. Knitting. Leading people out into the wilderness to show them around. Photography. Drumming. Yoga.

But there is also that distinct family life...the picture of home, of the beach, of bike riding, of dinners out, of canoeing, motorcycle riding. That connection. It means so much to me.

There's also alot of water in this work, water flowing, moving. Fire, to burn away the debris and whatever is holding me back.

But there is also alot of spirituality there too. The labyrinth. The stones. Heck, there is so much peace and tranquility.

I love some of the words there too.
'The fun starts here.' I want to do what I love and love what I do...for all my life.
'Approved!' Nuff said.
'Welcome.' Ditto.
'Doers and Dreamers.' To me that says I can dream and I can make my dreams come true-I can do this. I don't have to just dream the dreams; I can make them come true.
'Tangled garden'...because I want a plethora of gardens at the Ranch, and I do not care if everything is all neat and in straight long rows. I like circles and mounds and piles and so on. :-) I like things tangled and wild and random....
'Treat yourself'--I didn't have anything to put over 'at the square' on that, but it still works. Treat myself. That leaves alot out there....treat myself how? Well. Compassionately. Lovingly. Respectfully.
The last one kept striking me as being out of place, until I kept looking at it.
'The escape is easy. Going home is the hard part.'

I am a Unified Field Therapy practitioner. (So is R btw; and he can so drive me nuts, even though I see the logic of his statements at times...I'm a Pisces....logic is not always what I need to hear....)
Michael Linkogel once said something along the lines of if you want the easy way out, drink, take a pill, smoke something. There's nothing to it. Dulls all the pain and you never have to think about anything. If you want to know, really get clear, really apply yourself, that takes work. UFT is WORK. W.O.R.K. for the practitioner (I totally recommend it as a client--the practitioner does his/her work--you get to be on the table and do what you do, without all the principles in your head....not that you aren't doing anything, but still....I also cannot recommend it enough as a practitioner either...) He always said something along the lines of if you didn't want to work, don't do this, don't undertake UFT training...etc.
Some days, all I want is a drink, just to round out the edges, slow things down...I cannot drink. I am a recovering alcoholic. I do drink now....but only under certain circumstances and I am very careful if I plan to drink to excess.....but that is another story entirely...I drink few and far between, so no worries there......
Some days..I just don't want to work. I want to take the easy way out. I want to avoid all the confusion and the pain and the bleck.
What this little message says...if I do the work and get over myself, I can go home, Home, and feel good about myself at the end of the day.
That is what I want to do.

So, what is my goal about for this coming month?
Unity...of heart, body, mind and soul.
Working deeper into myself as an artist and a writer.
Finding other means of support other than the network.

The dream board leaves plenty of room for opportunities to flow in...plenty of room for the no longer needed to flow out...plenty of space for work and fun, creation and healing, love and laughter, family and friends. A balance, in all areas.
A beautiful life. :-)

That's all I am asking for. Not perfection. Not enlightenment. I want to be happy, in all that I do. I don't even want to be happy every single moment of every single day. I just want to be overall happy. The headaches I can work with--and they will go away.

Here's the dreamboard.
Drying and held down...although I made sure again that things would be wrinkled, mostly because the map beneath is wrinkled.....




And here, not held down at all....




Now, I am off to hang it up. I am planning to hang it over last month's dreamboard, so I can still see that one too, the parts that show around this month's board, as this month's board is much smaller....

Thank you for accompanying me on this journey.
Blessings to you and yours.

Wanna See The Rug?

The burnt one? Do you see the burns? Me neither.


The dog chewed? The curls cover the hole--both pictures are of the same spot!

Wrecked Over Wrecking

Ok, I actually bought this book a couple months ago. During one of my book buying sprees. It's been on my amazon wish list for so long, and I needed something to boost me to that $25 free shipping limit. When it arrived I was so fascinated--and daunted. Books are friends. I like to 'rescue' old books, same as I like to rescue critters, and do what I can to rehabilitate them. Also, I read a great deal of non-fiction, so buying pre-highlighted books helps me realise another person's-or other people's- perspective.
Not this book. I bought it brand new.

The day it arrived I opened it up and followed the instructions on the page. 'Break the spine" Do you know what it cost me to do that? I barely creased the spine. Then I put it back up on my shelf, so upset that my book had been so mistreated.

Jamie told me exactly what I needed to do and to hear in her initial vlog post....I must give myself permission to give this book its room and ability to be what it is meant to be. This book was bourn to be wrecked. I give myself permission to wreck the heck out of it too.

Even though it makes me want to cry.....

So, yesterday, after reading and listening here, I opened the book to the one page I wanted to start with...'burn this page'. I am not a closet pyro--I am fully and utterly out of the closet. I am so bad I will make my own candles just to set them on fire and watch them burn baby burn. Think it's just me? Bought the boyfriend flint today for when he camps so he can start his own fires without matches....we are all fire bugs here. The kids too. AND we are all proud of it...



I used an incense stick--think I am kidding? I was letting the boy walk through the house scenting rooms with the incense stick before he returned it to me, quite done with his duty. I took the incense stick and pressed it slowly and gently to the back of the page. It was rather exciting watching the first hint of brown appear, before it charred, turned black slightly and glowed orange for just a second. I burned along one edge of the page--I had meant to do all three edges.....but ya know, it doesn't take very much pressure at all to knock the glowing red fiery end off an incense stick--and it fell right into my lovely shaggy rug...and I am sure there are a multitude of burn holes in it too since as I started to smack the ember it of course burst into like 20 pieces of red hot not quite fire and flew all over--in a rug w tons of thick thick all-cotton twists of curl and shag. I regret to say I am sort of glad now the dog had already chewed a big hole in the middle of the rug recently (chasing whatever toy of hers that got stuck in the fibers) so that I couldn't/wouldn't get upset by the fact that there are now lots of little holes in it....

I was so jazzed from the fire, despite the rug, I decided to do another page....
I did the 'this book belongs to' page...I had no real desire to whip out my lovely new white souffle pen in front of my kids--so I wrote my white name in white out. :-)
I am not comfortable putting my address in the book since I know we will be moving in the next year or so....it may take me that long to work up to some of the stuff in this book......



I also wrote my name on the back of the book, in case it gets lost and someone has to mail it to me....again...I did not include the address...where would I go to lose the book? I never go anywhere except the grocery store--and there's no reason to take the book out then.....
And since I don't like my last name (my married name; we won't go into how the ex slipped it past me the removal of my name change in the divorce papers...it's a possessive thing on his part....)...I am not even about to bring up the word marriage right now.....
I know it's coming...but I like it better in the future and not in this moment. :-)



I tried another page...start writing your own page numbers...
It's habitual--the song 'Chili Sauce' (Morris Day and The Time, from Purple Rain) ran right into my brain--how could I resist? Morris may end at 17, but that's where I begin...so that's what I did...there will be no chronological ordering in this book, if I can help it.




After listening to Jamie, and accepting her permission to wreck this book in order to allow the book to fulfill its life purpose (yes, I am going to have to keep telling myself this stuff....over and over...til the thought of using a page as a napkin is no longer quite so...distasteful...), I took another crack at the spine, literally. OMG, I felt SO bad. But I did it, over and over and over. I was hoping to work through and around the anguish of book destruction....I was praying none of my other books were watching and thinking that such brutal treatment would be meted out to them....I am still conflicted and upset. Every time I look over at this poor journal I want to sob; it is just so cruel and pitiful. Every time i look though, I think this is the book's life purpose...I am helping the book along on its way....and as I help the book, the book helping me to free myself as well...well...hopefully.....anyway...

I do have a new theme song for the deconstruction and reconstruction of this book:
'Wreck You' by Heidi Newfield....
seems so perfect...in so many ways....

Here's to Wrecking!

Checking In With My Self

I am going to ramble. That's all the warning you get.

I can't tell you it's the Full Moon coming, or the weather patterns, or the ocean patterns, or the blood flwoing through my veins...it really won't matter...the Solstice is coming too...Summer. So much involved there. The between times are always hard for me...these Shifts.

My lover was here yesterday. Our time together caused me to shift pretty fast, so fast my earrings couldn't come out fast enough after he left. (Another story that...the earrings...) Yesterday it occurred to me that I never really stop and Ask if these Shifts are good things or not...I have always assumed my shifting means I am progressing, moving forward, growing, you know...good things. I still believe that - I've just never stopped to really consider what these Shifts mean for me or do to me.
One of these days...

Full Moon. The Honey Moon.
Summer Solstice on the way soon. Mid-summer.

Well.

I have not yet drawn anything today. Although I already have the idea forming in my head. I have drawn, and completed drawings, every single day, especially since my dickblick order arrived. With varying results. I am at least happy I am learning more.

I have achieved half of my writing goal so far today. I have written roughly 500 words this morning. And posted it too. You can see what I've done, my little whine session, here at the Pythian Games.
Again, I am not done writing today either. I needed a place to step into things this morning. I found it at the digtree.

Of course, this piece also sums up how I am feeling today. Not just about my writing, or about any one thing in particular in my life right now.

There are so many things clamoring for attention in my mind, so many choices demanding to be made, so many opportunities presenting themselves to me...and everything I keep getting from many sources is slow down, take your time, focus on one thing at a time, don't spread yourself so thin...
The more I try to decide what is best for my family, for me, the more I am led again in the circles, round and round and round again.

Funny thing is, I am feeling strong. I am coming from a place of Power, even if I don't sound like it, even if all of this is swirling around me. I keep safe in the knowledge that slow and steady is the way to move right now. There is no rush yet. No reason to hurry.

So.....

You may be asking where am I on my surrender box collection?
I haven't touched them since the last pictures I posted here, except to move them off the kitchen table. I am waiting for my Box Muse to return at the moment.
This happens to me alot. The stimulation strikes, then there is a pause. Sometimes a long pause. Sometimes a short pause.
Usually I am inundated and cannot keep up with myself. Which causes me to pursue things, drop them, return to them. My circuitous life style.
I have not forgotten the boxes. They will be completed, when their time is ready.

It's the same deal with my Soul Map. I want to do more research, have to walk my own labyrinth here some more, before I can really decide what to put on that map and why. It has not been forgotten at all, but simmers away quite nicely in a pot all on its own, off in the corner. I do walk by and stir it occasionally, yes. The scent is just heavenly at the moment.

Now, where am I on the '12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women'? I am still on chapter 2. I am still working on creating my sanctuary. That translates into clearing and purging and cleaning my bedroom. I get a good bit of headway made --and then the week-end is here, along with my son. The pillow pit gets built. Havoc reigns. I toss stuff all over the top of my little bit of desk (as my computer armoire is in my bedroom --we can't put it anywhere else-my bedroom has the only working phone jack in the house....) and then have to struggle and fight...too many things.
If I get the last 2 bookcases I want to buy for this house, then there goes the pillow pit...and my son loves that...how can I take that away from him? Not to mention it means he sleeps next to me, and sometimes on top of me, but usually in his spot in the pillow pit, reaching out to hold my hand throughout the night....
Then again when R starts (or IF R starts) sleeping over here more...whatever will N do then in regards to the pillow pit?
Personally, I don't think N will be bothered at all. N is still going to reach out and hold my hand while he snores the night away. We'll just have to wait and see there.

Then, what about the 'Soul Mapping' book? Did it not tick me off enough with the first chapter? No? Fine. I just haven't gotten around to it. I procrastinate. Really. I was planning to do chapter 2 there, after I finish chapter 2 of '12 secrets'....that's my plan and I am sticking to it. :-)

Next is, where am I on 'Making Change with Your Muse' with Artella. Well, technically, it's another thing that timing moves with me on. I am preparing to do the second lesson today. Meant to do it yesterday, but the Muse never struck. Not even copying out the journal questions for later answering and pondering...it's not the course, the reason I am so slow. The course is terrific. It's just moving the flow along, working with my Muse and my abilities....getting myself to move some days....

Again I come back and am faced with the whole no reason to move fast yet.
That "yet" is starting to get to me.
The way things move in my life normally? Slow, slow, slow--then BOOM--super light speed so fast superman cannot even keep up.......
So the more my Guides counsel 'slow' the more I want to run that much faster, even as I convince myself they must know what they're saying....
Makes me wonder, way too often....


New today:
When I got up this morning I went to check to see if Jamie had posted anything about 'Wreck This Journal' yet--she hadn't--but that doesn't mean I am giving up til tomorrow. She's probably already posted something by now and I haven't gotten to it yet. Keep in mind...it is coming here. :-)

Also new today:
I tried to order 'Soul Coaching' by Denise Linn. I LOVE Denise Linn and I have several of her books. Until today I hadn't even known that that is the very first book Jamie started with with her "Next Chapter" group. I tried to order it last week. Within 15 minutes of ordering it from amazon marketplace, my money was refunded, with no explanation. Keep in mind, I play amazon and half.com off of each other, trying to find the best deal. This was the only book I ordered from amazon that day. When things like this happen, I usually decide the Universe is trying to tell me something and I let it go. If it comes up again, then I get it. I figure if it comes up again, it must be time to get it then, to bring it into my life then.
What I think happened with this is I have more than enough of this type of book already in my possession; I simply need to get off my butt, do the reading and the associated work, and shut up about it. Those thoughts were crossing my mind as I was wanting to order that book...but I decided I just wanted to order it anyway because I like Denise Linn's style...and I get it...she resonates with me. Again we are back to...just not the right time....so many other things to come about and do right now....

Today for some reason it became imperative for me to grab a certain book out of one of my piles. Now, this idea has been floating through my head here and there a bit lately, more intently the past couple days...until today it had to be done. Actually the original push was to grab for my 'The Complete Artist's Way' by Julia Cameron. What I stepped back with was 'Vein of Gold'. I had started it years and years and YEARS ago, and not gotten very far for whatever reason--this was pre-divorce, so who knows....It has all sorts of writing and underlining in it for the first 40 pages or so and then nothing at all....and I swear I bought this while we were still in AR...so you know that's been a long time...

For some reason, I am supposed to add this to my list of on-going book projects and work my way through it. After reading a bit of it this afternoon, and nearly crying because it was making too much sense, just in the introduction for the love of peace--I tried to warn you it's been one of those days for me--I added it readily to my list of things I am doing now. We will see how we progress.
I am hoping it will give me the direction I need. Right now I feel all too rudderless.

Now, for more tidbits from earlier this week.
I don't know if I told you--sometimes I blog literally in my sleep--as in I dream I am blogging--or at least writing in my journal and sharing it with others--is that strange? or is the fact that all my life I have fought to remember any scrap of my dreams and these days I am remembering all to much from my dreams and it is scaring me....not scary dreams per se, but the things they give the possibility to happening in real life....I swear I am not pregnant. Dreaming while pregnant is a given w me...also a time of tangled weirdness...but this is something stronger, more potent..and that too scares me...and makes me want even more to decide which direction I am heading in with this life of mine...
ANYWAY!
Heather Blakey recommended a book to me: 'Living Your Unlived Life' by Robert Johnson. Not only did I order this book based upon her recommendation, I also ordered 'Inner Work' (which Heather has recommended on one of her squidoo pages...it's been on my to buy later list for awhile now), as well as 'Owning Your Own Shadow', both by Robert Johnson as well. Both have been on my list to buy for awhile, because of Heather. it was her personal recommendation that galvanized me though. Now is the time for these things in my life.
I wanted to order three or four more of Mr Johnson's books, but decided I better wait until I finish with these before I rush to grab more.
As I was ordering books, i decided to take the plunge and grab a couple others I've been eyeing of late.
Leah's post about 'People of the Whale' by Linda Hogan has been whispering to me, wanting to come to me. It's the whole octopus thing for me. I cannot resist. As my Power Animal, I do heed her call when I am able.
Thanks to Hybrid J, Eric Maisel has made it onto my get this when you can list....I ended up getting one of his books that most resonated with me at that moment, although I was torn between a couple. 'The Creativity Book'. I am looking forward to this one. The book Hybrid J has of his has apparently been a great help to her...and because her posts have been inspiring for me, I bought this book.
Today too, my friend Kerry suggested Rainer Maria Rilke's 'Letters To A Young Poet', something I read so many years ago it isn't even funny. I just ordered that one a few minutes ago. If it helps me, it will help the girl when she reads it, and the other children once they arrive and reach that point as well.

Is it a bad thing to be happy in the knowledge that because I am so strange and boheme that all of my children will be creative and inspiring people? None of my children will tow the lines of normalcy, not fall into the whole Big Brother, stand in a straight line and do as you are told your whole life regime? I call that a Blessing, myself.
:-)

Do you know how I am enticing my now 8yo to work harder on her reading so she can read her hero's books? The Vampire Lestat, yes. The Vampire Chronicles by Anne Rice. You heard me right. I won't be telling her about the Beauty's Release series any time soon, but Lestat is a basically harmless monster. 'Queen of the Damned' is E's current favorite movie...what can I tell you? I always shake my head and tell her the books are so incredibly better than that...but she is happy with her vampire music and the ability to actually see 'real' vampires and their culture. :-)

Thank you for listening. I may not have my head all figured out and logic-ed up and everything in a nice neat linear row, but I feel better now.

Now, off to see if 'Wreck This Journal' with Jamie is ready for me! :-)

Blessings!

Little Ladies

I was just playing around and seeing what I could come up with.
I am still trying to figure out where to go to find my "signature" image.....
I really need to get that prismacolour portraiture coloured pencil set....before I drive myself nutso.

Dragon In The Mirror

For the full story on this SoulFoodCafe prompt,
click here.

Art Journal Page

Oil pencil over an acrylic paint leaf pressing. Then sharpie over all of that... :-)

Drawing Class

The horse looks nearly exactly like its model, which is the basis of a carousel horse and not a real one.
I am irritated only because I wish I could draw as well as, say, Gail.
As it stands, it is not a bad version of the original. I just wish it were better. That's what practise is for, right?


The tree lacks the bird that is supposed to be there. I drew the bird--and another tree, elsewhere. Then I played with just the branches. I really like this one. ;-)

A New Face

I am not happy with the very few skin tones I have.
This is the first face I drew, based on something else completely. There was alot of erasing, which the skin tone pencils picked up and made look worse....so I am not happy with this at all, although I like the hair.
R says it is much better than I think it is. I trust him, so we'll see. I am not about to give up.

New Mandalas

I am trying very hard to find words to explain something to the love of my life...and I cannot find the words yet. All I have are pictures in my heart and head...these mandalas are me trying to find the words to express what I am trying to say....

Elephant Done

Do you see the difference between the two?
It is very subtle.

R took one look at the first version and hit upon the one thing that had bothered me as well...he is good.

I am not particularly impressed w the background, but that was pretty much secondary to the elephant anyway...and I can always cut the elephant out and glue it elsewhere when I feel like it....

8 Things: Guiding Values

Today's 8 Things by Magpie Girl are Guiding Values......
I have to give this a little bit of thought here...my own personal guiding values.....

1-compassion
for myself first and others

2-respect
again, for myself first, then for others, sometimes whether they deserve it or not

3-creativity, in all things
which may or may not be an excuse to be as weird as I want to be about any and everything

4-education
some days I study weird things, just because i can--self-education is very important to me-and I share what I have when I can

5-integration
of self, body and mind, past and future with the present, family life, work life, you name it
integration is a foundation, if you will, towards balance

6-connection
again, with family, friends, loved ones
with the Past, the past, the future and the present
with my Spiritual Core
with my Self

7-empowerment
of self, of others
I guess this is a form of support, both self-support and supporting others

8-Love
capital L
love of self, love of partner, love of family, love of life, love of fresh fruit, love of fresh bread, love of the outdoors, love of the moonlight streaming down upon me, love of so many things and that much more.....
Love is my freedom.....

Updating

Day 3 of my 100 days of drawing...I am still drawing today too....I did three drawings just today....all mandalas today....but they still count...and these ones are all done in colour.

I have indeed drawn every single day, since June 1. I have my elephant to colour in, my tree and a sunflower. So, the elephant doesn't count towards this goal, but still...

My dickblick.com order arrived today and I am such a happy girl.
Yes, next chance I get I am getting the full big set of prismacolour coloured pencils.
Yes, the dickblick coloured pencils are adequate. Way better than the kids pencils I have been using...but nowhere near so nice as the prismacolour.
I like them decently enough.
They are working for me. :-)

Haven't had the time nor chance to test out the papers or the markers...or the modeling paste...or gel medium...but I am very eager to play with the modeling paste...

I drew a face tonight--learned alot in the process. She's all coloured. Thalias, she's called. Will post pics later on. I am happy enough with this start, even though she is not what I wanted to do...too much erasing in the beginning....but that works for me. She isn't the best, but she definitely isn't the worst either. Wish I had more skin tones. Looks like getting the portraiture set of pencils might have been a good idea. Will keep that in mind for later on.

In other news: been keeping up with my writing goals, even if I haven't posted very much of it....still have alot more to do. Have several bits that still need to be turned out....otherwise...there are always dishes to be done... :-)
Not to mention--the dread laundry....

Poetry On Wednesday

Poetic Asides 047 Prompt

Curiosity Killed The Cat

Tip-toe into the room
Black as pitch
And all left alone
What do you see
When you look out
Into the dark
Do you see me
Do you feel me
Standing here
Waiting
To catch you
To tease you
To eat you
Whole alive and throbbing
Kicking and screaming
Oh boo hoo
The kitty car died
Should have minded
His own business
Instead of mine

Time To Make A Wish

Jamie has such a wonderful wish question for today.....funny how she has that knack of hitting me right where I need it...and not just me either.....

What is your wish for June?


It only took half a second for my brain to cough something up: balance.
But as soon as the thought hit me, I dismissed it--because "balance" is just too simplistic.



So I took time, stepped away from the computer, did other things, read some of the glop Stephen King passes off as horror these days--interesting maybe-but horror? Maybe to really old guys who've lost there touch--but not to me or for me--sorry, Steve-o.

Now, I am back....
and I still am not really sure how to describe what it is I wish for....

Balance is part of it...
but so is clarity.....

If I can just come out this month with a clear view of .... everything......

I wish my body would stop pointing out that things are not cohesive at the moment....wish my fingernails would stop splitting....wish my feet would stop cracking...and no, other than righting my emotional state there is nothing that will fix either, no matter what I would try--I know what's wrong...just have to get from here to there--again. :-) That's my usual qualm...how do I get from here to there.....

And this time, the issue isn't really about me...I have enough of my own stuff and my own fears wrapped up in this situation...but until R takes care of it...it will eat away at me...and there is nothing else I can do except pray...so other than crying now and then, this is what I do...alot....

But my wish, my wish.....
more than balance, more than clarity....more than all these wonderful ideas streaming and screaming around in my head....

Perhaps I should wish for cohesion...for coherence...for connectivity....

I wish that everything would make sense to me and I could follow about things in a logical and linear manner.........

This said by the woman who does everything in a circular methodology that leaves even me baffled as to why I would do things in such a manner.....I go to take out the trash, get side-tracked with the dishes, find a book out of place, start to read, remember the dishes, somehow swing around to needing to tidy the bathroom, and at the end full circle the trash gets taken out, the dishes are done, the book marked for later perusal, the bathroom tidy and I am standing there wondering where the past 3 hours went when all i had intended to do was take the trash out in the first place....
:-)
That's me. It's a good thing I no longer take my keys out of my purse--if I do I put them right back in afterwards...period. I used to drive myself crazy. And yes, there is a key holder right by the front door...doesn't really matter.....

I definitely wish to make sense of the stuff going on in my brain ... wish I could pick what is best for me and follow that exclusively instead of getting and being side-tracked by all these good ideas and good intentions and recommendations and well maybes......

I am going to keep going round and round with this til it makes sense to me....which I think is my problem. :-)


I am going to stick with:

I wish that everything would make sense to me and I could follow about things in a logical and linear manner.........

The Great Purse Caper

I bought myself a new purse recently.
I do not remember what it is that finally set me off about my black one no longer being adequate....it's beat to heck and back, sure...it's years old...but it's black...it's sturdy and it holds all sorts of garbage, including what my kids hand me and/or stuff in there....I think what did it is the realization that I no longer actually own black every day boots, except the French ankles, and I have no black loafers--all those loafers and none in black!?! I am so slipping here.

Then again, I can blame the easy lure of etsy, and being stuck on calls with darn near insane clients and needing to keep my brain occupied with other things so I don't get sucked into their insanity. I have enough of my own, thank you.

Now, I knew when I started looking at purses what I had in mind. What I want is my neon pink sling hobo bag from the 80s, minus all the mesh, and not at all pink. I never really liked pink, but I SO loved that stupid purse. When I took off when I was 16, guess what the one thing I regretted leaving behind was...yep...that purse. And when all the junk I had left behind came back to me years later after everything settled down, guess what was totally gone...that darned purse. I would have dyed it...I would have done tons of things, terrible things, to it, but I'd still have that ugly thing. It was the best purse.

So, I spend weeks at a time, sifting and searching and randomly popping through way too many things on etsy. Etsy is especially nice when I am trapped on those 2 hour calls where all we do is gossip and not much else.....This technique is especially beneficial of late when talking with my best friend and I want to keep my emotional attachment to what he's talking about nil. Hey, keeps me from freaking out and hanging up because I can't deal with things...so it can't be all bad.

There are a gazillion bags and totes and wristy things and pouches and cozies and you name its on etsy. Ninety-nine percent of which I have zero interest in. Some are very unique and I love them, but won't buy because shipping is too outrageous. Or the price itself is too outrageous. Shoddy construction...ugly patterns and even worse colour combinations. The wrong materials. My list goes on and on. I have three purses still sitting in my favourites, with me thinking one of these days I may want a different purse. But this is me, and I am so weird it is not funny. I may never buy another one either, until this one ruptures and dies, may it never happen....

While I was wandering through all this garbage on etsy, I decided what I really needed in a purse. I'm fairly simple. I like pockets, inside pockets, divided sections of a purse, with pockets. I don't like the strap too short, but don't care for it too long either. Says the nearly six feet tall lady here. Then, again, after I had all my ideas pinned up together in my head--I actually woke up one morning with a very clear idea to deconstruct this size 3 skirt I had found in my closet -- how a size THREE got there I have no clue--cause I haven't worn a size three since I was about oh 10? Maybe 8? I had the idea so clearly in my head, what to cut where, where to put pockets, even the decorative stitching I was going to use on the inside and outside pockets....and then I decided I do NOT want a denim purse....I do not want something as big as I was planning to sew up myself...and I surely did not want to make it myself right now.

Step into my storage room, where I have a pile of items cut out, but not sewn. All but three of these are from about 2006? When we left MO for MD when we fled the stupidity of the ex and his b/s lies. I know there are two bags sitting there waiting for me to remember which bag I cut out (since they are the same--I have a set of patterns I like and I was making bags for people)...not to mention I think I have a set of yoga clothes cut out...and some other stuff...I have yoga pants cut out from WV before we moved back here too--but those never went farther because I grabbed my sewing machine to bring w me when we left originally--and left the foot and wires for the machine--in WV, in a box. I know--I am SO smart....let's not go there.

This should explain why I was perfectly comfortable paying someone else to make me a purse.....I mean, other than I am essentially lazy and just not in the mood....

It took me about two weeks to decide on colours. I have a very weird thing for the combination of red, black and white. They mean something to me on levels I cannot always garner comprehension ... but I love the combination. I found two purses that were these colours. I also found a nice brown bag and an even nicer olive green type colour bag--those are still saved for later on...I am still thinking.....

I decided I would try to find a hobo bag, since i like them. What I ended up ordering was a recycled hobo bag, made from an old quilt. Which also means alot to me. Here are the details of the bag:

I bought this from 1oddbird, who is terrific to deal with and ships very fast-I can't tell you what it shipped in as I never saw it-the second it got her my daughter had it in the house and opened and basically walked in and tossed the bag at me and walked out. She came back a few minutes later and handed me the receipt very nicely. Never said another word about anything.

Upcycled Red and Black Hobo
Description:
Handmade by myself using a vintage quilt (the underside of one anyway!- the top was a ripped nightmare!) the hand stitching is visible (check out the pics) adding a very cool vintage-y feel. She is 21 inches wide at the widest point and 13 inches tall in the center. Fully lined in a white linen tablecloth with 2 interior pockets and a vintage button closure.

Thanx for checking her out!!


First of all, the colours were perfect. The price was more than decent. Shipping was excellent.
It means a great deal to me that this was made from parts of a quilt. It gives me a connection to the past...quilts in general have meaning for me...it's a very good thing.
I should have actually taken a tape measure and measured out her size, because I wanted something about half this size, but I am not complaining. As my one friend snarkily keeps picking on me, it'll make a great diaper bag one day (grrr!) (Again-not pregnant-not trying to get that way-planning to wait a bit for that again, thanks :-) )
The colours have symbolism to me. The fabric has symbolism to me. The shape is awesome. The button is not at all tacky or out of place.
In person, the workmanship is impeccable.
And it smelled GOOD when it got here. You have no clue how much that makes me feel better about things. As bloody weird as that makes me sound...but still...I am extremely sensitive to scent...

Now Alexis started this thing, well, her friend did, but still....by showing us what is in her purse. Click here to see.

I am envious. There is no way now I can get away with something like that. Then again, I am the nutter who would stick a pen and notebook in a tiny bag--and forget my ID.
Then-I had kids. That was the end of the being able to carry small things.

So, as you can see from the above pictures....I carry alot of garbage around with me. Crayons from about five different restaurants...lotion samples, a mini bottle of lotion, 3 tubes of chapstick, my wallet, my emergency bag stuffed with Band-Aids and prep pads, and stuff to clean my glasses, eye glasses repair kit, coffee sticks (don't ask) , three kinds of pain killers (2 for me, 1 for the kid), a mini manicure kit, a package of emery boards (because the girl swipes my manicure kit when I am not looking and I always need an emery board when we go out...), garbage that the kids hand me when we're out--literally, just trash, tons of old receipts, bobby pins, 2 hair sticks-one of which I thought I had lost!...my business cards which I never give out because I never think of it, my tattoo artists business cards-which I do give out, Kerry's business cards--which I also give out like candy :-) ....my keys, a stain removing pen, notebook, about ten pens of various colours......oh boy, does the list go on........and on.......

Not all of that made it into the new purse, thankfully.

All the business cards did. Even mine. :-) My keys. My wallet. I cleaned out the emergency bag and cut its contents nearly in half. My notebook and only four pens. All the pain killers made the transition. Or else I will only buy more because my loving daughter is a migraine creator when we go out.....she gets them-she gives them-she is one....Only two tubes of chapstick (one for me, one for the kids). Manicure set--and emery boards, just in case. Gum.
And not much else.

As I said earlier, this bag is way bigger than I had thought it would be....
every time I walk out the door I can tuck whatever book I am reading into it...or whatever knitting project I am working on (even though it's been so long since i have touched my knitting my daughter mournfully asked why I never did it anymore the other day....which made me sad...and stop it...that was the morning I woke up with the visions of finishing the other twin blanket for the pair of blankets I am making for our future twins......the fertility jokes must stop now...really.....please! )
I have lots of room in this bag. That is both cool...and annoying. I had to stuff the pain killer bottles into a smaller bag to keep them from rattling so when I walk. I do like I can flip the strap over my head and carry it across my body with the bag on my hip, especially when I am in a rush to go drool over art supplies ... but that's just me.

So, that's my story...and that's my purse.....

that's all there is...for now....

Double Mandala

Elephant Undone

Doesn't look like much yet...but it will....

What Happens At Our House

Child's Play :-)

BTW-he doesn't suck his thumb--he was pretending to be the baby :-)
She was pretending to be the dog.

Ken's Day Of Beauty

My daughter did it-- the dog ending up chewing a few of the clips to pieces before E got a clue. :-)

New Collage

The Mother

Art Pages And Poetic Bits....

'Quick' Check In

Today is day 2 of my "draw 100 complete pictures in 100 days" challenge. :-) I did draw the picture for yesterday. I am still pondering subject matter for today, but it will be done.

Yesterday, I drew a tree. It's pretty unspectacular. Like the elephant I am so very proud of--without the colour and texture, they are just a bunch of lines. The tree even more-so than the elephant.

I did get notification this morning...my dickblick order shipped out yesterday. So, maybe tomorrow or the next day it will be here? I can hope. :-)

We went to hobby lobby yesterday. Oh, so good and so bad all at the same time. I figured it was easier to just grab a set of drawing pencils, now that I have more research in mind about the hardness and softness of pencils, than to fight to find mine, if i have them still....so I have 'official' drawing pencils to play with now.

I bought blank cards and envelopes because I am planning to make my own card for my dad for father's day. Why? Because a few days ago, I was stuck on a call with a hyperventilating client and I was perusing etsy to still my brain to not get too involved in the emotional upheaval...I am learning new ways to clear and to pct myself every day...thank goodness....but while on etsy I saw the cutest card with bees on it ... and my dad loves bees. My dad is like me, to a degree. He has limited space. He doesn't need a whole bunch of stuff to clutter and crowd his trailer. BUT, I like to get him stuff. Ev likes to get him stuff. So, I have to come to some sort of compromise. I saw this really cute card and I thought, wow! $7 with shipping, huh. It's not that cute. Then, it dawned on me. I can draw. Do you know what....I REALLY can draw! I may not be good at it. I will never be as good as so much of the stuff I see online or anywhere else....but I don't suck completely. At least I hope I don't. The card was cute, but it wasn't exactly what I wanted for Dad. Guess who can create exactly what I want for my dad? ME!
So, I bought a pack of blank cards and envelopes, for drawing.

Now, I have been doing WAY too much research on papers lately. So, I stood there staring at the water colour blank cards, and the oil painting blank cards and everything else....my brain just bubbles over....

All I can say is thank you, Great Spirit, for the man in my life right now. As I stood there, paralysed with wonder and desire over way too expensive paper, all I could think was, I am so frakking lucky R is here for me. No other person in my life has ever --EVER-- gotten me the way this guy does. No one else would have put up with my weird salivation over paper, or pencils, or paint brushes I stare at with such intense desire but am too afraid as yet to pick up.....no one else would just love me the way I am and encourage me the way he does....I am more used to the back-sided 'compliments' of do whatever you like, as long as you don't expect anything to come of it.....I could be more specific, but I have no real desire to go there right now.... I am blessed to have this man who is so bloody supportive of everything, no matter how very weird I can be, and the best thing about him is he isn't afraid to tell me when I am too nuts or when something sucks. He's nice about it, usually :-) , but he still tells me. THAT has to be the most precious thing in the whole world.....

ANYWAY....while at hobby lobby, I actually picked up things that had captivated me when I was perusing dickblick.com the other night. I found myself a decent 18in X 18in drawing clipboard....instead of an easel, since mostly right now I need everything flat and moveable...I am looking forward to painting and water colours.....so we'll see how I feel once I reach those levels.....I also grabbed 2 different sizes of art portfolios--8-1/2in x 11in and 9in x 12in. Now, as a writer, who hasn't had a writing portfolio, or a poetry portfolio either, put together in more than oh 20 years or so.....I know the importance of a portfolio ... and I understand the relevance. You have portfolio if you plan on going out to pimp your work....ahem...to market yourself. A portfolio is your walking resume of sorts.

Do you really think I trust myself enough in my artwork to be thinking hey I need a portfolio to start dragging this around for other people to gawk at and stumble over??

Apparently, I really do. I have them sitting right here beside me. Even with the thought of well, I will have them here to store my work in if nothing else is not really helping me, because each portfolio holds 48 drawings. By September 8, 2009, I will have over 100 drawings completed...that is well over the 96 pockets I have available here. And I bought them knowing that....Plus, I bought them knowing every single drawing I do I will not feel that good about nor want everyone to see--although that won't stop me from posting pictures here online. :-)

I bought some stuff for other projects as well. Some I cannot talk about til after Father's Day, but hey. I am pretty excited with myself these days. :-) It's dawning on me--I really am good. It's scary as all get out...but it is.

I bought some bristol board ATC blank cards. Vastly different from the ones we got through oriental trading a couple years ago--which is ok because I bought those to play and practise on....
I have 20 'real' ATC blanks now.....and I am almost worried about what to do with them....
I do buy things in preparation for things to come...that's what I am doing right now....
And the proportions of the things I seem to be preparing for in the future, they scare me.

I had a reading done by the ex's bokur years ago now.... the man told me I would own my own transcriptionist business from home and I would have people working under me.....I knew when he said it there was no way I'd be doing transcription....and yet, I have in my lap right now the beginnings of my own toll free number....my own 'network', only I will not be running it the way the network I currently work for runs theirs.....I already know I have a couple clients....and I know I have a couple people who will be willing to work for me.....
The more I run through this idea mentally, the bigger it gets, the louder it gets, the more afraid I get, the more research I want to do, the more i need someone I can trust completely to lean on and help me with things....the more I wonder what's really stopping me from doing it right now.....
I do know--here's the one way I am going to end up working for myself, having people work for me, and taking care of myself the way I want to be taken care of....this is where I am going to be successful with what I do .....
and that isn't even anything at all to do with my writing or my art work.....
As scary as that all sounds, I am kinda looking forward to all of that...but I want to do it right....so I am waiting for other things to work their way out....I need to feel specifically grounded and secure when I start these enterprises that keep wafting up through my synapses....
Other things outside my realm of control... but things I do know are coming to an end to allow new things to follow and blossom....

I bought 4 tomato plants yesterday -- and a couple weird looking hybrid 'mints'. I seeded the new fence-line with mint seeds--but the darn dog dug up all the soil we had used to fill in the area that had had to be dug for the installation of the fence....I haven't gone out to check if the seeds took or not yet....I have more dirt to refill the space...but if the seeds took I will let them grow. Mint is a 'pest'--very invasive--which is what I am hoping for. Especially since it can get pretty tall too.
The tomatoes are going into the upside down garden. I'll be working on that at some point, probably tomorrow. I have to decide if I am seeding the top garden part or if I am going to just buy plants to grow up there....
it would make more sense if I knew more of what I wanted to PLANT up there too ... so I will have to work on that. All I want right now is to get the tomatoes in and settled. We can move from there.

I also bought 2 big snake plants--since they were $5 each. I love snake plants--they are hard to kill--even for me.....
I have been thinking of buying more bamboo too....it really needs so little light...I am loving that. They are hardy. I cannot over-water them. It's terrific.

Was also thinking of planting tall ornamental grasses in the side yard too. The bushes may be growing, but not as quick as I would like....I want shade cover right this second. :-)
I was going to plant my castor bean seeds today--but the package says they need to soak 36-72 hours before planting.....so they are soaking now. I am going to plant them along the side of the house where my bedroom is...since my room is the hottest room in the house.....and surely castor plants will grow much faster than these bushes--and be 12 feet tall to boot.

I am also setting up some interesting goals for myself concerning the house. I keep whining about my ice pick (I know I know :-) ), but know my way is blocked by a bunch of toys we 1 haven't gone through since we retrieved all our things from WV/MD and 2 that E decided she didn't really want or need in her room although she wasn't ready to get rid of them.....
I am officially tired of stuff like that...and I am ready to let that stuff go....among other things....
My goal is to move through one small space at a time and purge it out. I have the lids for plastic bowls/containers under my kitchen sink--when we brought everything back from the budget truck fiasco I hucked the unnecessary plastic-ware out, knowing the lids were under the sink waiting to be tossed as well...but I was too bloody lazy and unwilling to just go through them and let go.

I feel a need to go through things and let go of things...of alot of things. We are already looking ahead for when we move. If my dreams are correct, and I have no reason to doubt them at this point since everyone else in Real Time seems to be agreeing and agreeable, I have no need to rush. But there is a need to let go of alot. Now, after this lifetime and so many others of 'lack', I tend to be a pack rat...and yet I AM able to purge and toss--which I have been doing to some extent....
Sometimes it is very hard. Example: I have a ton of towels. Alot of them are ratty and unnecessary--til it rains and we need something to towel off the dog...but there is no real reason to have so many .... I have tried to let go of alot more of them...but if I cannot get them to the humane society I don't want to do it...and I can't do that right now because I have no transportation. And I know if I go to the animal shelter, someone will probably be coming home with me.....and since R has 3 dogs and I have 1 dog...and it would be a dog coming home with me.........you see why that's not a good idea. :-) We are not talking teacup chihuahuas here. :-)
I know when we do have a firmer date for moving--no, we technically are not even looking at houses either, thank you, I have enough stress right now.....I know I will be pitching out even more stuff....even though I also know I am paying someone to move me next time. And every time hereafter as well....but for now--I want to feel more comfortable in my own home.....

My goal for this week is to clear out the stuff under my kitchen sink...and then to start on the storage room at some point this week...I want to be able to get to those books in there...I know I have drawing and painting instruction books in there, somewhere, among other things....I will be happy to start under the kitchen sink...then decide where to go from there.....

Oh, one word on elephants.
Elephants have been in my life for awhile now...even if I didn't really recognise it.
I walked through my house, just looking. I knew i would find Ganesh...I have a couple statues and even more pictures. What didn't dawn on me is things like the little elephant planter I have with 1-2 stalks of shorter bamboo in it...the memory of having to have that specific little planter with its bamboo the day we got it with my dad is still hazy, but I know there was a definite reason I HAD to have the elephant...even though this was what 2 years ago? Maybe more now?
Then there is the little gold elephant that you can see the moment you enter my house. It's a Chinese good luck symbol. I never really researched it farther than that. I have Her (and yes, it's always been a her) hanging between my kitchen and living room....She is supposed to be auspicious....guess it is time for more research...
and after researching White Elephants and reading about the Buddha's mother's dreams before she got pregnant...am I not supposed to be a little bit freaked out by the fact I keep dreaming about 2 white elephants, when I have known for 5-6 years now I am going to give birth to twins here soon....nope, not pregnant, just saying we know it's coming....

I have one more goal to put out here:
This month's Full Moon Dreamboard.
As things stand at this moment, I am planning to draw my own dreamboard......now, if I think it's 'good enough' to show and use as my 'official' dreamboard or not is still questionable--but this is my goal......

And now-I must figure out what to draw today...since I planted sunflowers this morning, I am thinking that is a good place to start....

Peace....

My Monday's Really Are Manic, Hectic and BUSY

I know I missed last week's, but I am back, even if a day late....
So here it is:
Manic Monday 169



Imagine you're packing a picnic lunch. What would be in your basket?

This depends. Where am I going and who's going with me? Assuming I am going alone, say out walking, or horseback riding, I would take bread and sweet butter, water, probably lemonade. Fruit, like apples, peaches, cherries...and carrots too. Have to take something for the horse. Then of course, this is me, so there would be a book for me to read, some pens and pencils and a notebook for notes and drawings and ideas.

If your life were a weather vane, which direction would it be pointing right now?
True North. That's where I want to go...that's where I am heading...that's me....always moving forward...and hopefully to some place much cooler.
I think it has to be something in my genes that seeks out the cold and the wet, even though I dislike being cold and wet. :-) Go figure.

What's something that people do in traffic that really annoys you?

People in traffic really annoy me. I don't think I want to start driving again. I do not like pushy people. I do not like people who have no clue what a blinker is or for what purpose it should be used. I don't like people who put other people in danger, weaving in and out of traffic recklessly, tailgating, that sort of thing. I just don't like traffic. I don't like being on a highway where you can't get off until the exit...I makes me feel trapped lately and that makes me feel very uncomfortable.