The Knitting Journeyman

Gathering Up One Thread At A Time As I Weave This Web Of Mine.....

Friday, June 5, 2009

Checking In With My Self

I am going to ramble. That's all the warning you get.

I can't tell you it's the Full Moon coming, or the weather patterns, or the ocean patterns, or the blood flwoing through my really won't matter...the Solstice is coming too...Summer. So much involved there. The between times are always hard for me...these Shifts.

My lover was here yesterday. Our time together caused me to shift pretty fast, so fast my earrings couldn't come out fast enough after he left. (Another story that...the earrings...) Yesterday it occurred to me that I never really stop and Ask if these Shifts are good things or not...I have always assumed my shifting means I am progressing, moving forward, growing, you know...good things. I still believe that - I've just never stopped to really consider what these Shifts mean for me or do to me.
One of these days...

Full Moon. The Honey Moon.
Summer Solstice on the way soon. Mid-summer.


I have not yet drawn anything today. Although I already have the idea forming in my head. I have drawn, and completed drawings, every single day, especially since my dickblick order arrived. With varying results. I am at least happy I am learning more.

I have achieved half of my writing goal so far today. I have written roughly 500 words this morning. And posted it too. You can see what I've done, my little whine session, here at the Pythian Games.
Again, I am not done writing today either. I needed a place to step into things this morning. I found it at the digtree.

Of course, this piece also sums up how I am feeling today. Not just about my writing, or about any one thing in particular in my life right now.

There are so many things clamoring for attention in my mind, so many choices demanding to be made, so many opportunities presenting themselves to me...and everything I keep getting from many sources is slow down, take your time, focus on one thing at a time, don't spread yourself so thin...
The more I try to decide what is best for my family, for me, the more I am led again in the circles, round and round and round again.

Funny thing is, I am feeling strong. I am coming from a place of Power, even if I don't sound like it, even if all of this is swirling around me. I keep safe in the knowledge that slow and steady is the way to move right now. There is no rush yet. No reason to hurry.


You may be asking where am I on my surrender box collection?
I haven't touched them since the last pictures I posted here, except to move them off the kitchen table. I am waiting for my Box Muse to return at the moment.
This happens to me alot. The stimulation strikes, then there is a pause. Sometimes a long pause. Sometimes a short pause.
Usually I am inundated and cannot keep up with myself. Which causes me to pursue things, drop them, return to them. My circuitous life style.
I have not forgotten the boxes. They will be completed, when their time is ready.

It's the same deal with my Soul Map. I want to do more research, have to walk my own labyrinth here some more, before I can really decide what to put on that map and why. It has not been forgotten at all, but simmers away quite nicely in a pot all on its own, off in the corner. I do walk by and stir it occasionally, yes. The scent is just heavenly at the moment.

Now, where am I on the '12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women'? I am still on chapter 2. I am still working on creating my sanctuary. That translates into clearing and purging and cleaning my bedroom. I get a good bit of headway made --and then the week-end is here, along with my son. The pillow pit gets built. Havoc reigns. I toss stuff all over the top of my little bit of desk (as my computer armoire is in my bedroom --we can't put it anywhere else-my bedroom has the only working phone jack in the house....) and then have to struggle and fight...too many things.
If I get the last 2 bookcases I want to buy for this house, then there goes the pillow pit...and my son loves can I take that away from him? Not to mention it means he sleeps next to me, and sometimes on top of me, but usually in his spot in the pillow pit, reaching out to hold my hand throughout the night....
Then again when R starts (or IF R starts) sleeping over here more...whatever will N do then in regards to the pillow pit?
Personally, I don't think N will be bothered at all. N is still going to reach out and hold my hand while he snores the night away. We'll just have to wait and see there.

Then, what about the 'Soul Mapping' book? Did it not tick me off enough with the first chapter? No? Fine. I just haven't gotten around to it. I procrastinate. Really. I was planning to do chapter 2 there, after I finish chapter 2 of '12 secrets'....that's my plan and I am sticking to it. :-)

Next is, where am I on 'Making Change with Your Muse' with Artella. Well, technically, it's another thing that timing moves with me on. I am preparing to do the second lesson today. Meant to do it yesterday, but the Muse never struck. Not even copying out the journal questions for later answering and's not the course, the reason I am so slow. The course is terrific. It's just moving the flow along, working with my Muse and my abilities....getting myself to move some days....

Again I come back and am faced with the whole no reason to move fast yet.
That "yet" is starting to get to me.
The way things move in my life normally? Slow, slow, slow--then BOOM--super light speed so fast superman cannot even keep up.......
So the more my Guides counsel 'slow' the more I want to run that much faster, even as I convince myself they must know what they're saying....
Makes me wonder, way too often....

New today:
When I got up this morning I went to check to see if Jamie had posted anything about 'Wreck This Journal' yet--she hadn't--but that doesn't mean I am giving up til tomorrow. She's probably already posted something by now and I haven't gotten to it yet. Keep in is coming here. :-)

Also new today:
I tried to order 'Soul Coaching' by Denise Linn. I LOVE Denise Linn and I have several of her books. Until today I hadn't even known that that is the very first book Jamie started with with her "Next Chapter" group. I tried to order it last week. Within 15 minutes of ordering it from amazon marketplace, my money was refunded, with no explanation. Keep in mind, I play amazon and off of each other, trying to find the best deal. This was the only book I ordered from amazon that day. When things like this happen, I usually decide the Universe is trying to tell me something and I let it go. If it comes up again, then I get it. I figure if it comes up again, it must be time to get it then, to bring it into my life then.
What I think happened with this is I have more than enough of this type of book already in my possession; I simply need to get off my butt, do the reading and the associated work, and shut up about it. Those thoughts were crossing my mind as I was wanting to order that book...but I decided I just wanted to order it anyway because I like Denise Linn's style...and I get it...she resonates with me. Again we are back to...just not the right many other things to come about and do right now....

Today for some reason it became imperative for me to grab a certain book out of one of my piles. Now, this idea has been floating through my head here and there a bit lately, more intently the past couple days...until today it had to be done. Actually the original push was to grab for my 'The Complete Artist's Way' by Julia Cameron. What I stepped back with was 'Vein of Gold'. I had started it years and years and YEARS ago, and not gotten very far for whatever reason--this was pre-divorce, so who knows....It has all sorts of writing and underlining in it for the first 40 pages or so and then nothing at all....and I swear I bought this while we were still in you know that's been a long time...

For some reason, I am supposed to add this to my list of on-going book projects and work my way through it. After reading a bit of it this afternoon, and nearly crying because it was making too much sense, just in the introduction for the love of peace--I tried to warn you it's been one of those days for me--I added it readily to my list of things I am doing now. We will see how we progress.
I am hoping it will give me the direction I need. Right now I feel all too rudderless.

Now, for more tidbits from earlier this week.
I don't know if I told you--sometimes I blog literally in my sleep--as in I dream I am blogging--or at least writing in my journal and sharing it with others--is that strange? or is the fact that all my life I have fought to remember any scrap of my dreams and these days I am remembering all to much from my dreams and it is scaring me....not scary dreams per se, but the things they give the possibility to happening in real life....I swear I am not pregnant. Dreaming while pregnant is a given w me...also a time of tangled weirdness...but this is something stronger, more potent..and that too scares me...and makes me want even more to decide which direction I am heading in with this life of mine...
Heather Blakey recommended a book to me: 'Living Your Unlived Life' by Robert Johnson. Not only did I order this book based upon her recommendation, I also ordered 'Inner Work' (which Heather has recommended on one of her squidoo's been on my to buy later list for awhile now), as well as 'Owning Your Own Shadow', both by Robert Johnson as well. Both have been on my list to buy for awhile, because of Heather. it was her personal recommendation that galvanized me though. Now is the time for these things in my life.
I wanted to order three or four more of Mr Johnson's books, but decided I better wait until I finish with these before I rush to grab more.
As I was ordering books, i decided to take the plunge and grab a couple others I've been eyeing of late.
Leah's post about 'People of the Whale' by Linda Hogan has been whispering to me, wanting to come to me. It's the whole octopus thing for me. I cannot resist. As my Power Animal, I do heed her call when I am able.
Thanks to Hybrid J, Eric Maisel has made it onto my get this when you can list....I ended up getting one of his books that most resonated with me at that moment, although I was torn between a couple. 'The Creativity Book'. I am looking forward to this one. The book Hybrid J has of his has apparently been a great help to her...and because her posts have been inspiring for me, I bought this book.
Today too, my friend Kerry suggested Rainer Maria Rilke's 'Letters To A Young Poet', something I read so many years ago it isn't even funny. I just ordered that one a few minutes ago. If it helps me, it will help the girl when she reads it, and the other children once they arrive and reach that point as well.

Is it a bad thing to be happy in the knowledge that because I am so strange and boheme that all of my children will be creative and inspiring people? None of my children will tow the lines of normalcy, not fall into the whole Big Brother, stand in a straight line and do as you are told your whole life regime? I call that a Blessing, myself.

Do you know how I am enticing my now 8yo to work harder on her reading so she can read her hero's books? The Vampire Lestat, yes. The Vampire Chronicles by Anne Rice. You heard me right. I won't be telling her about the Beauty's Release series any time soon, but Lestat is a basically harmless monster. 'Queen of the Damned' is E's current favorite movie...what can I tell you? I always shake my head and tell her the books are so incredibly better than that...but she is happy with her vampire music and the ability to actually see 'real' vampires and their culture. :-)

Thank you for listening. I may not have my head all figured out and logic-ed up and everything in a nice neat linear row, but I feel better now.

Now, off to see if 'Wreck This Journal' with Jamie is ready for me! :-)