I check out Jamie's blog as often as I can, even if I don't comment every single time there, but you can rest assured that on Wednesdays and Thursdays I am there--Wishcasting Wednesday of course, but on Thursdays I try to make sure I didn't miss anyone's wishes the day before.
I see alot of Jamie's questions on other days and I don't always answer them publicly--although, truth be told, alot goes on in my head that doesn't make it into print, either blogged or written or anything. It's not that I don't appreciate her questions--because I really do. It's mostly up until lately, I was fighting myself, trying to 'catch up' with everything I kept telling myself I "had" to do in a day. Which meant there was a great deal I wanted to get done that I didn't--that I would guilt-trip myself over not getting to or getting done.
I am trying to rectify that-my feelings of guilt. :-)
But, today, for some reason, Jamie's question piqued my interest.
Now, the question is this (or rather questions :-) ):
What would it be like if you could still be yourself while being a professional? Do you think it's possible? What images are conjured by the word "professional"? Anything you want to be?
Instead of a boring definition full of "shoulds," what would it be like to create an authentic professional code that represented who you are and what you want to bring to your work? What would it be like to have an authentic professional code that would serve both as inspiration and also as a guidance system en route to your dreams?
If you were to create your own unique set of professional standards, what would they be? What can you get behind?
Ok, so that's alot of questions-and alot to think about. Let's see what I can do here, because apparently, based upon the way this post triggered me, there is something in here I need to deal with/worth with/look at/ponder/examine for my own self. :-)
Let's start at the top, shall we?
I guess we have to define "professional" here.
What is 'professional'?
Well, do I have to be a doctor, or an administrative assistant, or a receptionist, or an attorney to be a professional? I don't think so.
My father is a CCRN--and he wears scrubs all day. He is definitely a professional. My mother is a CNA --and she wears scrubs too--and she is also definitely a professional. My sister is a manager--first at a Tim Horton's where she wore the apron and black pants (I think they were black) and now at Dollar Tree and I don't know if she has to wear anything special there--she is definitely a professional. The people who work at walmart--even when you know they would rather be anywhere else but there-they have the apron thingy-does this make them professional? To me, yep, cause that's their job, their "profession".
Dude, I wanted to be a cowgirl when I was a kid. Professional attire--ok then it was a ruffled skirt that blew in the breeze and looked pretty on horseback--but now it's jeans, boots, leather work gloves and whatever long sleeved shirt doesn't kill me or choke me. Most other people would wear a t-shirt, I am sure. That is professional. Do they have to be in a rodeo to be "professional"? Nope. Not at all.
I plan on owning and running my own Rescue Ranch here in a few years. Guess what I plant to wear? Jeans and a long sleeve shirt. Boots, only if I have to, because unless there is a big reason for it, Tabitha goes barefoot. Period.
I am a Gardener. Dirty jeans and gloves again. And bare feet. I am planning to grow herbs and vegetables and flowers and whatever else for sale. Does that mean I am 'professional' if I am selling things?
I am a Healer too. That is what I do. I counsel and I heal people. That is actually why most of my clients call me, because of all the energetic work that I do unsaid upon them when they call.
Do you know what I typically wear every day? Jeans and a shirt. In warm weather that shirt shifts to a tank top, unless I go outside, where it becomes a long sleeved shirt. I burn in the sun, like a crispy little critter. Hence, the long sleeves. :-) I prefer long sleeves to sun screen usually
I am definitely a professional Psychic (that's what I do for the network)--there is no doubt about that at all.
Does that mean I have to pull out my very boho skirts and flounce around with a ton of jewelry and bracelets and scarf wrapped round my head all the time? :-)
Hey, I am not making fun of people--I am pointing out what I see on a daily basis from all too many Pagans, not even psychics.
Although I will admit to a predilection for rings myself. But it really is not an every day thing. I have one ring I wear every day--but it is my soul mate ring--and my soul mate has one and wears one just like it.....that's different. :-)
Do I do anything differently when I have clients come to my house? Well, I try to not wear anything too offensive (I do have a t-shirt that says 'cross my heart hope you die' -- it was a birthday gift from my former bil :-) ). I try not to wear too much jewelry. I try to make sure my nail polish isn't chipped, if I am wearing any. I actually do try to minimize the number of visible tattoos-so I don't wear shirts where my tats are very visible. There is no hiding the tattoos on my wrist--not that I would want to. But I don't want to freak people out the first time they meet me. I already have the nose ring going on.
I don't always wear make-up--because I don't always wear make-up anyway. I get urges here and there. My significant other can melt the strongest most waterproof mascara money can buy. I do not know how. So I kinda gave up with my urges there. :-)
What I do try to do is make sure the house is clean. It may not look pristine or anything, but at least clean enough that it doesn't scare people. (My living room rug currently scares me, with who knows-as no one will admit-what has been spilled over the dirt and dog fur currently growing legs on top of it....)
The only time I really ponder my clothing is when I am doing healing work that requires touch of any kind. I do make sure I wear something I can move in, that doesn't make a great deal of noise when I move. The noise distracts me, because I worry it distracts the client.
The only other issue I have is my hair. It's kinky curly, has a mind of its own, and we live near the River so there is always some humidity that makes my hair want to pouf and frizz. I try to keep it under control, but I also try to wear part of it down so the Grandmother Spider tattoo on the nape of my neck is not visible too.
This is just for me, for my profession.
Every profession has its thing, its ideal.
Different people attach different meanings to different things.
I decided a long long time ago that if I couldn't do a job I enjoy and be comfortable doing it I wouldn't do it.
But that is me. :-)
Then again, if 'someone' instilled a dress code for anything I did and told me I 'had' to dress like this to be a writer or artist or sculptor or gardener or farmer or rancher or whatever--I would be so ticked off. There's no way I would follow it. Dress codes for school would bug me too. Says the girl who would wear an ankle-length skirt to school, with the ultra low butt-cheek-skimming mini skirt underneath so no one would know as I left the house.....not that I do that anymore..... :-) Now I don't have to bother with the ankle-length skirt if I should dare go with the ultra mini. :-)
I am an artist, a writer, a mother, a Yogini, a psychic, an Intuitive Healer--uhm--what do you think I should wear?
Will my leotard go with my beret and scarf head-wrap? And the baby sling? lol
I am just happy being me. Some days more than others.
I try very hard not to judge people for anything. Clothes are usually the least of the things I worry about on other people.....you should watch the way my dd dresses--she's an artist too--some colours really should not be worn in combination--except by very young girls who thinks it's truly beautiful. :-)
Did I answer everything that Jamie posed? I hope so. :-)
Until next time.....
Thursday, May 21, 2009
8 Things: Promises To Myself
:-) I get to play today.
I am so easily pleased. :-)
Feel free to play along by zipping over to Magpie's blog to see what this is all about. :-)
Here is my list of Today's 8 Things:
Promises To Myself
1. To trust and have more faith--
in myself, in the small still voice in my head, in the love of my life and just the whole relationship thing, my daughter, in my art, in my processes--you name it.....
2. To not feel so bad, so guilty when I have to put my foot down w my daughter, even though it brings up so much of my own garbage from my childhood....
3. To draw anyway, even when I think I so suck at it, even when all I can do is copy someone else's work trying to get the forms right, even if my markers bleed too much or my colours overlap where I didn't want them overlapping....
4. To be ok with the fact that I set my goal at writing to have precedence over house work and yard work. I will not move until my writing is done for the done, for the most part.
5. To feel good about finally getting all those things I have wanted and asked for and prayed for for so very long--to stop looking that gift horse in the mouth....
6. To stop feeling so guilty when I fail to make the time to do all the blog-traveling and commenting I would so love to do every day--and to just feel happy sending love and energy to the people I wish I could read and chat with every single day...
7. To allow myself to bask in every single second, without worry, without guilt, every moment we share behind closed doors, my significant other and me--and it is so not all about sex--it's not about sex at all...although, ya know, that part does not suck...at all.....
8. To stop worrying about what everyone thinks, from family, to exs, to whatever/whomever-doesn't matter--I promise to be more confident in my new not-hiding status....
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Nearly Forgot-It Is Wednesday
Poetic Asides Prompt 045
Unexpected
Unexpected things happen….
Like being forced to drive in a snowstorm,
Trying to get home….
Hitting an icy patch,
Nearly dying
When the truck flips over…
Strange things occur…
Like the brilliant synchronicity
That comes
When I say something…
I wonder what pen I should use here,
And someone unknown posts a blurb
About the best pens
She has ever used.
I am not unaccustomed
To the weird and unique.
I pretty much fit that bill….
Nothing is so untoward and off-key
As my failure to see
You
Standing there as you were
For so very long…
I don’t know why
I could not see,
Did not dare…
I lie…
I know why…
It was fear…
I was unworthy…
And I knew it…
Really…
And yet,
Here you are,
Completely comfortable,
Loving me…
Some days the shock is so big
It takes my breath away…
I am so grateful…
Unexpected
Unexpected things happen….
Like being forced to drive in a snowstorm,
Trying to get home….
Hitting an icy patch,
Nearly dying
When the truck flips over…
Strange things occur…
Like the brilliant synchronicity
That comes
When I say something…
I wonder what pen I should use here,
And someone unknown posts a blurb
About the best pens
She has ever used.
I am not unaccustomed
To the weird and unique.
I pretty much fit that bill….
Nothing is so untoward and off-key
As my failure to see
You
Standing there as you were
For so very long…
I don’t know why
I could not see,
Did not dare…
I lie…
I know why…
It was fear…
I was unworthy…
And I knew it…
Really…
And yet,
Here you are,
Completely comfortable,
Loving me…
Some days the shock is so big
It takes my breath away…
I am so grateful…
Stolen!
I stole this meme from Linda, who stole it from Michelle and I hope you steal it from me so
I can get to know you better!!! So come on in and steal it from me!
LAYER 1: Tell us your...
* Name: Which one? Blogging? Working? Writing? Real Life? Alter Ego? hehehehe
The KnittingJourneyman--Alexis (not my choice :-) ) --TK Kietero and or Raven Dubois, depending on what I am writing :-)--see my facebook blurb there in the sidebar-yep that's me--Raven is my alter ego :-)
* Birthday (month, day): 2-27
* Birthplace: Camp LeJeune, NC-yes, the Naval base
* Current location: across the river from St Louis, MO
* Eye color: hazel, mostly green
* Hair color: various shades of blonde, mostly dark blonde
* Height: 5' 11"
* Righty or lefty: Righty
* Zodiac sign: Pisces, Gemini Ascendent, Leo moon sign :-)
LAYER 2: What's...
* Your heritage: American with Irish/Welsh/German/French ancestry-give or take
* The shoes you wore today: shoes? I don't wear shoes unless I go some place- I stayed inside all day and I am happier for it-thank you-no shoes-no socks either--blue nail polish though-dark blue
* Your weakness: blue eyes w gold rings--you know who you are :-) and the sound of my kids giggling maniacally
* Your fears: failure--almost as much as I fear --success
* Your perfect pizza: thick deep crust, sauce but not too much, canadian bacon and extra extra cheese
* Goals you’d like to achieve: getting good enough to start selling my artwork in all fields :-)
* Your first waking thoughts: 5 more minutes-just 5 more minutes please
* Your best physical feature: my personality? ;-) my backside...and my smile
* Your most missed memory: that sense of "Home"
LAYER 3: Do you...
* Smoke: nope--well-- unless the very very occasional cigar counts .....
* Cuss: frequently although I go through periods where I don't swear at all-it's all where my brain is---
* Sing: yes, frequently, but I hum more than sing usually
* Do you think you’ve been in love: yes-although under current circumstances I am questioning every other time in my past....
* Did you go to college: no-went to several technical schools though....I am not the public or private school type..... Do I regret it? sometimes yes, sometimes no--more and more lately no, not at all
* Liked high school: HATED IT! was so so so very bored as I was not taught anything new, except for math/algebra
* Want to get/stay married: yes~and I plan on this being the very last time, period-and yes-there was only that 1 time before.....
* Believe in yourself: as long as I have good backup for when I get tweaky-and I do-so yes
* Think you’re attractive: yes, somewhat
* Think you’re a health freak: not a freak, but mildly educated and concerned
* Get along with your parent(s): yep, mostly
* Like thunderstorms: Love them, even better if there is lightning
* Play an instrument: used to play flute-still haven't done much w the dulcimer-more of a percussion/rattle/tambourine type person usually :-)
LAYER 4: In the past month have you…
* Drank alcohol: yes
* Smoked: once
* Done a drug: only OTCs
* Made out: hehehe--yes
* Gone on a date: technically I would have to say yes
* Gone to the mall: no
* Eaten an entire box of Oreos: I wish......
* Eaten sushi: no
* Been on stage: no
* Been dumped: no
* Gone skating: no
* Gone skinny dipping: no
* Stolen Anything: no
LAYER 5: Have you ever…
* Played a game that required removal of clothing: absolutely, used to be my favorite type
* Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: yes, much more when I was younger, more than I am willing to admit to
* Been caught “doing something”: way too often
* Been called a tease: yes, frequently
* Gotten beaten up: not outside a relationship
* Shoplifted: yes
LAYER 6:
* Age you did get/hope to be married: 22
* Numbers and names of children (either you have or want): Have Evangeline, about to be 8, Nikolas, 5--hoping for more
* Describe your dream mate: Rich, a little taller >;-)
* How do you want to die: asleep
* What did you want to be when you grow up: cowgirl or veterinarian
* What country would you most like to visit: Wales
LAYER 7: Now tell...
* Name a drug you’ve taken illegally: had quite the coke habit long ago, never liked pot, never met a pill I didn't like--then I got clean-and have stayed clean
* Name a person you could trust with my life: my significant other
* Name a favorite CD that you own: Duran Duran 'Greatest'
* Number of piercings: 12 still, 3 that I have let close
* Number of tattoos: 19
* Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: no clue
* Name a past experience that you regret: Rowan
I can get to know you better!!! So come on in and steal it from me!
LAYER 1: Tell us your...
* Name: Which one? Blogging? Working? Writing? Real Life? Alter Ego? hehehehe
The KnittingJourneyman--Alexis (not my choice :-) ) --TK Kietero and or Raven Dubois, depending on what I am writing :-)--see my facebook blurb there in the sidebar-yep that's me--Raven is my alter ego :-)
* Birthday (month, day): 2-27
* Birthplace: Camp LeJeune, NC-yes, the Naval base
* Current location: across the river from St Louis, MO
* Eye color: hazel, mostly green
* Hair color: various shades of blonde, mostly dark blonde
* Height: 5' 11"
* Righty or lefty: Righty
* Zodiac sign: Pisces, Gemini Ascendent, Leo moon sign :-)
LAYER 2: What's...
* Your heritage: American with Irish/Welsh/German/French ancestry-give or take
* The shoes you wore today: shoes? I don't wear shoes unless I go some place- I stayed inside all day and I am happier for it-thank you-no shoes-no socks either--blue nail polish though-dark blue
* Your weakness: blue eyes w gold rings--you know who you are :-) and the sound of my kids giggling maniacally
* Your fears: failure--almost as much as I fear --success
* Your perfect pizza: thick deep crust, sauce but not too much, canadian bacon and extra extra cheese
* Goals you’d like to achieve: getting good enough to start selling my artwork in all fields :-)
* Your first waking thoughts: 5 more minutes-just 5 more minutes please
* Your best physical feature: my personality? ;-) my backside...and my smile
* Your most missed memory: that sense of "Home"
LAYER 3: Do you...
* Smoke: nope--well-- unless the very very occasional cigar counts .....
* Cuss: frequently although I go through periods where I don't swear at all-it's all where my brain is---
* Sing: yes, frequently, but I hum more than sing usually
* Do you think you’ve been in love: yes-although under current circumstances I am questioning every other time in my past....
* Did you go to college: no-went to several technical schools though....I am not the public or private school type..... Do I regret it? sometimes yes, sometimes no--more and more lately no, not at all
* Liked high school: HATED IT! was so so so very bored as I was not taught anything new, except for math/algebra
* Want to get/stay married: yes~and I plan on this being the very last time, period-and yes-there was only that 1 time before.....
* Believe in yourself: as long as I have good backup for when I get tweaky-and I do-so yes
* Think you’re attractive: yes, somewhat
* Think you’re a health freak: not a freak, but mildly educated and concerned
* Get along with your parent(s): yep, mostly
* Like thunderstorms: Love them, even better if there is lightning
* Play an instrument: used to play flute-still haven't done much w the dulcimer-more of a percussion/rattle/tambourine type person usually :-)
LAYER 4: In the past month have you…
* Drank alcohol: yes
* Smoked: once
* Done a drug: only OTCs
* Made out: hehehe--yes
* Gone on a date: technically I would have to say yes
* Gone to the mall: no
* Eaten an entire box of Oreos: I wish......
* Eaten sushi: no
* Been on stage: no
* Been dumped: no
* Gone skating: no
* Gone skinny dipping: no
* Stolen Anything: no
LAYER 5: Have you ever…
* Played a game that required removal of clothing: absolutely, used to be my favorite type
* Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: yes, much more when I was younger, more than I am willing to admit to
* Been caught “doing something”: way too often
* Been called a tease: yes, frequently
* Gotten beaten up: not outside a relationship
* Shoplifted: yes
LAYER 6:
* Age you did get/hope to be married: 22
* Numbers and names of children (either you have or want): Have Evangeline, about to be 8, Nikolas, 5--hoping for more
* Describe your dream mate: Rich, a little taller >;-)
* How do you want to die: asleep
* What did you want to be when you grow up: cowgirl or veterinarian
* What country would you most like to visit: Wales
LAYER 7: Now tell...
* Name a drug you’ve taken illegally: had quite the coke habit long ago, never liked pot, never met a pill I didn't like--then I got clean-and have stayed clean
* Name a person you could trust with my life: my significant other
* Name a favorite CD that you own: Duran Duran 'Greatest'
* Number of piercings: 12 still, 3 that I have let close
* Number of tattoos: 19
* Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: no clue
* Name a past experience that you regret: Rowan
Phoenix Series
I truly prefer coloured pencils to markers.
It is official.
Don't care what my drawing class insists.
I needed a phoenix for a story I wrote yesterday.
See it here...
The wings are based upon a picture of a mermaid's tail I have.
The notebook page is my doodle page to get things flowing after I tore 3 pages out of my art journal, trying too hard to draw the wings evenly enough.....
Teresa's Tremendous Give-Away
The Great Procrastinator's Freebie Contest
How cool to think, to see a character I only write about, draw flesh from wool.......
Another for my Muse altar. All right. :-)
Even if I don't win....I still have a story to write....simply because until asked I never knew her real name.....
Live An Extraordinary Life
It's an incredible Wishcasting Wednesday.
Our wonderful Wishmaster Jamie has another beautiful question for us today:
What is your highest self wishing for?
What's rumbling in your soul?
My first thought, the monkey mind and its attitude, snorted, said, oh what fun, where can we go with this? In a good way.
The rest of me already knows.
It is so funny, the way the Universe works.
Here I am working through 'Soul Mapping', and 'the 12 Steps of Highly Creative Women', and 'Make Change With Your Muse' online class. All of which are trying to pry out of me--what do I really want to do and to be doing and to have .....
I wish...I wish...I wish....
I wish I knew what to say here. Everything seems to be in place for attaining what I want out of my life.
I don't even want things to move faster at the moment.
Well, wait, there's the work front...but that's different.... isn't it?
I have found my true love...and everything is going well on that front.
We already know and seem to agree on the whole one day we'll move in together, one day there will be more kids, one day there will be a farm--with goats. :-)
My daughter does seem to be trying.
My son is darling and always good.
Even the ex can be touched with the 'not being a total jerk this week' brush.
Work is work is work.
I am working. So that is a good thing.
I am working on my art. I am drawing more. I played with clay the other day and the forms seem to be dry enough to take the next step into my doll making foray. I don't know why the Muses decided a clay figure base was better than a cloth or a twig one, although I have the twigs here too. It's interesting.
I know there is a wet wheel and kiln in my future. I also know there is a blow torch and rusting metal in my future.
I know there is a great big set of prismacolour coloured pencils in my very near future.
I know where I am right now is the River I am traveling upon. Here it is smooth and gentle, but I do know there are rapids on up aways. We are building the foundation at this point to be able to ride the rapids and enjoy what the journey brings us.
I also know the fence will be up and the backyard completely enclosed this week-end.
I know I will finish mowing the yard--it's a big yard--tomorrow since i only did half yesterday and have no further intention of going out in the heat and the sun to do anything today.
I even know the dishes will be done by nightfall. The laundry washed--even if I don't fold it all and put it away today.
What else could I ask for?
But there is more, isn't there?
What is rumbling in my soul?
My soul is crying out: take me out of this city--take me away from these people--get me out into the woods, into the forest--put me on the water for real--let me enjoy it--soak it in.
I want to go hiking and camping and canoeing and biking. :-)
My job as it stands does not really allow that, since I have a shift on Saturdays that I cannot miss, or I am docked a whole week's pay for missing it. I cannot afford that right now. Guess when everyone else goes camping? The week-end. Leaving me at home behind.
So, in order to make one wish I must make two. Sort of.
I wish that my own personal business begins to grow and blossom and bloom enough for me to stop working for the network, no later than the end of this year. The sooner, the better.
Not only will I make more money, and see/speak to less people on a daily basis, but the stress in my life will be so greatly reduced. The panic that is my work day surrounding my phone--is it ringing, did I miss a call, do I have enough hours logged in for the week to make the money worth my while for being here?
Not to mention, the hours, and how it interferes with just everything.
I don't like not being able to pick my clients. Some of them do require alot more help than I can give them. Some of them need intensive therapy. One I have suggested go to a medical doctor to have tests run for all sorts of things, just so she'd get there so someone would talk to her about her complete mental instability. It worked, although she still calls me before she calls her therapist. But at least she is alot better to deal with these days.
I have learned so much from this job, and I am grateful to it. It keeps us afloat and it does pay the bills. But it is time I moved on and opened my own practise. I want to move away from the psychic stuff and move more into the Healing Work.
Not to mention, my art will be showcased more in my own business than it ever could be with the network.
I wish my own personal business were blooming so that I can stop working for the network, so I have time to take my kids to the outdoor concerts, so we have time to go hiking and camping and everything else, so we have time to sit and relax through a meal and/or a movie at home...so I can go out for the evening with the love of my life and not have to panic about how am I going to log in for enough hours to make my paycheck cover everything .......
I wish to be financially independent in my work, without the need for the network, and I wish to make good money doing it.
If I have that, I will have everything else my heart desires, and then some. :-)
Our wonderful Wishmaster Jamie has another beautiful question for us today:
What is your highest self wishing for?
What's rumbling in your soul?
My first thought, the monkey mind and its attitude, snorted, said, oh what fun, where can we go with this? In a good way.
The rest of me already knows.
It is so funny, the way the Universe works.
Here I am working through 'Soul Mapping', and 'the 12 Steps of Highly Creative Women', and 'Make Change With Your Muse' online class. All of which are trying to pry out of me--what do I really want to do and to be doing and to have .....
I wish...I wish...I wish....
I wish I knew what to say here. Everything seems to be in place for attaining what I want out of my life.
I don't even want things to move faster at the moment.
Well, wait, there's the work front...but that's different.... isn't it?
I have found my true love...and everything is going well on that front.
We already know and seem to agree on the whole one day we'll move in together, one day there will be more kids, one day there will be a farm--with goats. :-)
My daughter does seem to be trying.
My son is darling and always good.
Even the ex can be touched with the 'not being a total jerk this week' brush.
Work is work is work.
I am working. So that is a good thing.
I am working on my art. I am drawing more. I played with clay the other day and the forms seem to be dry enough to take the next step into my doll making foray. I don't know why the Muses decided a clay figure base was better than a cloth or a twig one, although I have the twigs here too. It's interesting.
I know there is a wet wheel and kiln in my future. I also know there is a blow torch and rusting metal in my future.
I know there is a great big set of prismacolour coloured pencils in my very near future.
I know where I am right now is the River I am traveling upon. Here it is smooth and gentle, but I do know there are rapids on up aways. We are building the foundation at this point to be able to ride the rapids and enjoy what the journey brings us.
I also know the fence will be up and the backyard completely enclosed this week-end.
I know I will finish mowing the yard--it's a big yard--tomorrow since i only did half yesterday and have no further intention of going out in the heat and the sun to do anything today.
I even know the dishes will be done by nightfall. The laundry washed--even if I don't fold it all and put it away today.
What else could I ask for?
But there is more, isn't there?
What is rumbling in my soul?
My soul is crying out: take me out of this city--take me away from these people--get me out into the woods, into the forest--put me on the water for real--let me enjoy it--soak it in.
I want to go hiking and camping and canoeing and biking. :-)
My job as it stands does not really allow that, since I have a shift on Saturdays that I cannot miss, or I am docked a whole week's pay for missing it. I cannot afford that right now. Guess when everyone else goes camping? The week-end. Leaving me at home behind.
So, in order to make one wish I must make two. Sort of.
I wish that my own personal business begins to grow and blossom and bloom enough for me to stop working for the network, no later than the end of this year. The sooner, the better.
Not only will I make more money, and see/speak to less people on a daily basis, but the stress in my life will be so greatly reduced. The panic that is my work day surrounding my phone--is it ringing, did I miss a call, do I have enough hours logged in for the week to make the money worth my while for being here?
Not to mention, the hours, and how it interferes with just everything.
I don't like not being able to pick my clients. Some of them do require alot more help than I can give them. Some of them need intensive therapy. One I have suggested go to a medical doctor to have tests run for all sorts of things, just so she'd get there so someone would talk to her about her complete mental instability. It worked, although she still calls me before she calls her therapist. But at least she is alot better to deal with these days.
I have learned so much from this job, and I am grateful to it. It keeps us afloat and it does pay the bills. But it is time I moved on and opened my own practise. I want to move away from the psychic stuff and move more into the Healing Work.
Not to mention, my art will be showcased more in my own business than it ever could be with the network.
I wish my own personal business were blooming so that I can stop working for the network, so I have time to take my kids to the outdoor concerts, so we have time to go hiking and camping and everything else, so we have time to sit and relax through a meal and/or a movie at home...so I can go out for the evening with the love of my life and not have to panic about how am I going to log in for enough hours to make my paycheck cover everything .......
I wish to be financially independent in my work, without the need for the network, and I wish to make good money doing it.
If I have that, I will have everything else my heart desires, and then some. :-)
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Playing A Day Late
Manic Monday 168
If you could completely redecorate any room in your house at no expense to you, what room would you choose?
oh definitely my bedroom-
but my daughter's bedroom is the one in real dire need of a make-over.
Mine I just want paint, minor redo stuff.
E's needs a whole new everything from top to bottom so she can be organised and keep everything clean and straightened.
Which hour of the day do you feel goes the slowest?
usually between 12N and 3 actually--it's not one hour-but it's a time period.
Usually I will sit down and work steadily in the morning and before i know it it's noon--and then I am waiting and waiting and waiting, it feels like I check the clock a billion times and a minute hasn't even passed--and 3p hits and time starts moving again--I don't know why...
If your birthday could be in a different month of the year, when would you have it?
I actually thought and thought about this--I wouldn't change it at all. I like being a Pisces. I don't want a summer birthday. I definitely don't want a winter close to the holidays birthday. My favourite months are June and October--but I don't want my birthday in either of those. I like February--it is the best month for my birthday and I want to keep it where it is. I wouldn't even change the day at all.
If you could completely redecorate any room in your house at no expense to you, what room would you choose?
oh definitely my bedroom-
but my daughter's bedroom is the one in real dire need of a make-over.
Mine I just want paint, minor redo stuff.
E's needs a whole new everything from top to bottom so she can be organised and keep everything clean and straightened.
Which hour of the day do you feel goes the slowest?
usually between 12N and 3 actually--it's not one hour-but it's a time period.
Usually I will sit down and work steadily in the morning and before i know it it's noon--and then I am waiting and waiting and waiting, it feels like I check the clock a billion times and a minute hasn't even passed--and 3p hits and time starts moving again--I don't know why...
If your birthday could be in a different month of the year, when would you have it?
I actually thought and thought about this--I wouldn't change it at all. I like being a Pisces. I don't want a summer birthday. I definitely don't want a winter close to the holidays birthday. My favourite months are June and October--but I don't want my birthday in either of those. I like February--it is the best month for my birthday and I want to keep it where it is. I wouldn't even change the day at all.
Monday, May 18, 2009
What We Did On Sunday
I spent a great deal of time on Saturday-night-late-writing and doing a myriad of other things.
Sunday I woke up, after having had a rough night w the boy (he didn't sleep well--things were bothering him--hope he wasn't picking anything up from me....) and I decided I was going to do some creative work--in the kitchen....
Do you know how to make fairy porridge? If you can make porridge, then you're fine.
Basically, in order to entice my lovely picky little daughter to eat, I spent a great deal of time a few years ago going through and reading all the fairy party and fairy teas and fairy cookbooks that I could find, either online or in the library. I was not impressed. Better yet, neither were my kids. Ya know why? We don't much care for that much sugar. Not in cookie form or cake form or cupcake form or much of anything else.
Do you know what fairies LOVE? Cucumber sandwiches. No crust at all. Thinly sliced fresh cucumbers on thinly sliced fresh home-made bread cut into cure little shapes. No dressing. No anything else. My own fairy told me so. Who am I to argue?
Have you ever seen such a thing in any of those commercial fairy cookbooks?
No-you haven't. Because no self-respecting fairy would write such a thing, much less agree to it.
So, we talk to our own fairies and they tell us things.
One thing we know is that in order to make fairy porridge, you have to infuse it with flowers. There's a very easy way to make this. Usually we use lavender tea -- which I LOVE dearly myself -- or rose tea -- which my daughter cannot get enough of -- chrysanthemum tea works as well, in case you are needing ideas. It doesn't matter if the base is a green or a black tea, or even white. I brew a nice pot of tea, measure out the grains I will be using for the porridge (more on this in a sec). Usually two cups grains to four cups -- liquids--more or less, although usually a bit more. I always use half tea and half milk--if I have cream I use cream-or half and half works as well. I also add about a heaping tablespoon of honey to the mix.
I stir it all up in the pot on low heat and let it bubble away, until it it very thick and all the grains have swelled up nice and fat.
There you have it, fairy porridge. We add some brown sugar, not too much, or some maple syrup, to our bowls, depending on day and preference. No one here can handle any more honey than is already in it, so we don't add honey. But you could, if you wanted.
A word about the grains. I am notorious for buying the 5 grain cereal, the 7 grain cereal, the 10 grain cereal, and combining them all together. And then I add a bunch of other stuff. Scottish style oats. Oat bran. Wheat germ. Flax seed. Bulgur wheat. Barley flakes. Whatever I can get my hands on. I mix it all up--and these are the grains I use. It changes every single time I make it, depending upon what I have on hand and what mood I happen to be in.
Yesterday I needed warm foods. Not just foods that were warm, but foods that made me warm inside as well. Hard to explain. But fruit loops would not fit the bill. Neither would toast and jam.
I had all this porridge yesterday. Some days E eats it up and I cannot make enough. Other days she looks at me as if I am just crazy. I know the feeling. Some days the thick goo that is porridge seems too bland for me as well.
I decided to take our marvelous porridge and make waffles, since E is on a waffle kick lately. I took the left-over porridge and added it to waffle mix. They didn't turn out very well. I tried a couple. The batter was too thick, even after I thinned it out more.
I tried making them into pancakes. One did turn out, but I am the only one who ate it. It was thin and not light and fluffy and airy. But it was darned good. No one else wanted a pancake. Even if E watches me make the batter for the waffles, she will not touch it if I use the same batter to make pancakes. Luckily, N rarely cares what I make or how I make it. :-)
I took the left-over batter then and decided to try making it into a bread.
Two hours later in 350 degree heat it was still very gooey on the inside. I threw it all away.
I made a fresh batch of porridge. And I pondered what else to do. I made more porridge because E was apparently dying of starvation and wanted a third bowl.
I wanted something warm (inside warming) , small and portable, that wouldn't make a mess when I sat down at my keyboard, something that would keep well.
Muffins. They're easy to make. You can stick all sorts of stuff in them. And they can be very very nutritious and warming to the soul. Full of happy goodness.
For some reason, on top of the porridge, I decided I want to use muesli as well in these muffins.
I did a quick search online. Found a couple decent muffin recipes. WRote them down side by side, just the ingredients.
Walked into the kitchen. And basically disregarded both recipes, while still managing to fairly much combine both. Which is what I do when I am in experimental mode--which I truly was.
Here's what I did though, because it is good to share:
Fairy Muesli Muffins
Preheat your oven to 350 degrees.
Spray your muffin tins with cooking spray (or however you do this part of the process).
We combine the dry ingredients all together first--everything goes into the same bowl. We do this because if you over-mix a muffin batter they are tough and surly.
2 cups of muesli, full of nuts and fruits (I even added extra fruit and nuts that I had on hand as well)
1-1/2 cup flour (normally I would use 1/2 wheat and 1/2 white--I didn't bother with this batch--I used all white, all purpose)
roughly 2/3 cup packed brown sugar (I have a mix of both dark and light brown sugar, cause that's how i do things)
3+ teaspoons of assorted spices (here's where I get tricky--I cannot tell you how much of anything I used--I grabbed my spices off their shelf and I just added what felt right-cloves, cardamon, allspice, chinese 5 spice, nutmeg, cinnamon......add whatever you like and however much you like....)
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
Incorporate these together really well.
Now, we move on to our wet ingredients.
2 TBLSP maple syrup
1 tsp vanilla
2 large eggs
1 cup applesauce (all I could find was cinnamon applesauce, so that's what I used)
1/3 cup olive oil (I used the extra virgin extra light stuff cause that's what I have on hand)
I stirred all this up, until everything was wet. Everything was lumpy, but that's ok in muffins, not to mention with all the fruits and nuts.
That's when I eye-balled it and dropped roughly 1 cup of our ultra thick porridge into the mix and stirred that in.
It looked good. Not too wet. Not too dry. Tasted heavenly even in batter form.
We got 23 muffins, filled the cups 2/3 of the way full. They didn't puff up very much. But they did a bit.
I baked them for roughly 30 minutes, but keep an eye on them, because I had something else in the oven as well for the first 20 minutes.
When they pull away from the sides, stick a knife in the middle of one of the middle ones. If it comes out clean, you're good.
Ours turned darker because of the spices I put in, so don't go by colour.
The girl ate one. She was not pleased with the fruit or the nuts, not that I expected her to be. But the muffins are tasty enough she doesn't mind breaking them to pieces to pull out the fruit and nuts and eat just the muffin. :-)
Enjoy.
Sunday I woke up, after having had a rough night w the boy (he didn't sleep well--things were bothering him--hope he wasn't picking anything up from me....) and I decided I was going to do some creative work--in the kitchen....
Do you know how to make fairy porridge? If you can make porridge, then you're fine.
Basically, in order to entice my lovely picky little daughter to eat, I spent a great deal of time a few years ago going through and reading all the fairy party and fairy teas and fairy cookbooks that I could find, either online or in the library. I was not impressed. Better yet, neither were my kids. Ya know why? We don't much care for that much sugar. Not in cookie form or cake form or cupcake form or much of anything else.
Do you know what fairies LOVE? Cucumber sandwiches. No crust at all. Thinly sliced fresh cucumbers on thinly sliced fresh home-made bread cut into cure little shapes. No dressing. No anything else. My own fairy told me so. Who am I to argue?
Have you ever seen such a thing in any of those commercial fairy cookbooks?
No-you haven't. Because no self-respecting fairy would write such a thing, much less agree to it.
So, we talk to our own fairies and they tell us things.
One thing we know is that in order to make fairy porridge, you have to infuse it with flowers. There's a very easy way to make this. Usually we use lavender tea -- which I LOVE dearly myself -- or rose tea -- which my daughter cannot get enough of -- chrysanthemum tea works as well, in case you are needing ideas. It doesn't matter if the base is a green or a black tea, or even white. I brew a nice pot of tea, measure out the grains I will be using for the porridge (more on this in a sec). Usually two cups grains to four cups -- liquids--more or less, although usually a bit more. I always use half tea and half milk--if I have cream I use cream-or half and half works as well. I also add about a heaping tablespoon of honey to the mix.
I stir it all up in the pot on low heat and let it bubble away, until it it very thick and all the grains have swelled up nice and fat.
There you have it, fairy porridge. We add some brown sugar, not too much, or some maple syrup, to our bowls, depending on day and preference. No one here can handle any more honey than is already in it, so we don't add honey. But you could, if you wanted.
A word about the grains. I am notorious for buying the 5 grain cereal, the 7 grain cereal, the 10 grain cereal, and combining them all together. And then I add a bunch of other stuff. Scottish style oats. Oat bran. Wheat germ. Flax seed. Bulgur wheat. Barley flakes. Whatever I can get my hands on. I mix it all up--and these are the grains I use. It changes every single time I make it, depending upon what I have on hand and what mood I happen to be in.
Yesterday I needed warm foods. Not just foods that were warm, but foods that made me warm inside as well. Hard to explain. But fruit loops would not fit the bill. Neither would toast and jam.
I had all this porridge yesterday. Some days E eats it up and I cannot make enough. Other days she looks at me as if I am just crazy. I know the feeling. Some days the thick goo that is porridge seems too bland for me as well.
I decided to take our marvelous porridge and make waffles, since E is on a waffle kick lately. I took the left-over porridge and added it to waffle mix. They didn't turn out very well. I tried a couple. The batter was too thick, even after I thinned it out more.
I tried making them into pancakes. One did turn out, but I am the only one who ate it. It was thin and not light and fluffy and airy. But it was darned good. No one else wanted a pancake. Even if E watches me make the batter for the waffles, she will not touch it if I use the same batter to make pancakes. Luckily, N rarely cares what I make or how I make it. :-)
I took the left-over batter then and decided to try making it into a bread.
Two hours later in 350 degree heat it was still very gooey on the inside. I threw it all away.
I made a fresh batch of porridge. And I pondered what else to do. I made more porridge because E was apparently dying of starvation and wanted a third bowl.
I wanted something warm (inside warming) , small and portable, that wouldn't make a mess when I sat down at my keyboard, something that would keep well.
Muffins. They're easy to make. You can stick all sorts of stuff in them. And they can be very very nutritious and warming to the soul. Full of happy goodness.
For some reason, on top of the porridge, I decided I want to use muesli as well in these muffins.
I did a quick search online. Found a couple decent muffin recipes. WRote them down side by side, just the ingredients.
Walked into the kitchen. And basically disregarded both recipes, while still managing to fairly much combine both. Which is what I do when I am in experimental mode--which I truly was.
Here's what I did though, because it is good to share:
Fairy Muesli Muffins
Preheat your oven to 350 degrees.
Spray your muffin tins with cooking spray (or however you do this part of the process).
We combine the dry ingredients all together first--everything goes into the same bowl. We do this because if you over-mix a muffin batter they are tough and surly.
2 cups of muesli, full of nuts and fruits (I even added extra fruit and nuts that I had on hand as well)
1-1/2 cup flour (normally I would use 1/2 wheat and 1/2 white--I didn't bother with this batch--I used all white, all purpose)
roughly 2/3 cup packed brown sugar (I have a mix of both dark and light brown sugar, cause that's how i do things)
3+ teaspoons of assorted spices (here's where I get tricky--I cannot tell you how much of anything I used--I grabbed my spices off their shelf and I just added what felt right-cloves, cardamon, allspice, chinese 5 spice, nutmeg, cinnamon......add whatever you like and however much you like....)
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
Incorporate these together really well.
Now, we move on to our wet ingredients.
2 TBLSP maple syrup
1 tsp vanilla
2 large eggs
1 cup applesauce (all I could find was cinnamon applesauce, so that's what I used)
1/3 cup olive oil (I used the extra virgin extra light stuff cause that's what I have on hand)
I stirred all this up, until everything was wet. Everything was lumpy, but that's ok in muffins, not to mention with all the fruits and nuts.
That's when I eye-balled it and dropped roughly 1 cup of our ultra thick porridge into the mix and stirred that in.
It looked good. Not too wet. Not too dry. Tasted heavenly even in batter form.
We got 23 muffins, filled the cups 2/3 of the way full. They didn't puff up very much. But they did a bit.
I baked them for roughly 30 minutes, but keep an eye on them, because I had something else in the oven as well for the first 20 minutes.
When they pull away from the sides, stick a knife in the middle of one of the middle ones. If it comes out clean, you're good.
Ours turned darker because of the spices I put in, so don't go by colour.
The girl ate one. She was not pleased with the fruit or the nuts, not that I expected her to be. But the muffins are tasty enough she doesn't mind breaking them to pieces to pull out the fruit and nuts and eat just the muffin. :-)
Enjoy.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Magpie Girl And Eight Things
Mother Henna posted here about doing less.
Her inspiration comes from Magpie Girl, so I had to go check it out-here's the post.
My life is all about synchroncity lately.
I had to go check things out.
Which led me here:
So-since I found it today-does it mean I am early for this coming week-or late for last week?
Here are my 8 things to stay sane on a daily basis:
1-Sleep. Don't know if I need 8 hours every single night-because sometimes I work on 2-3 hours and I am good --and then there are those days I get 8-9 hours and am so tired I can't function. Somewhere between 5-7 hours seems a good happy medium.
2-Writing. Even if it is 'technically' not work related (or writing prompts/class/group related) -- even if it I sit and write the same one, or three, words over and over and over (yes, I have been known to do that-always hand-written though, not typed....).
3-Drawing. Doodling. Scribbling. Gluing and collage works here too. Playing with paint. Something that means nothing at all, but at least I am doing something that is outwardly creative--at least I have something to hold up to myself and say, here, I did this.
4-Yoga. Yogayogayogayogayogayoga. Balancer of my mind and my body. I feel lost without it. Won't even talk about how infrequently I ahve done it in the past 2 weeks either.....
5-Time to stand in the front door looking out and doing nothing at all but watching the grass grow-the shrubs grow-the birds fly-and not having to talk to anyone or react to anyone while I am doing so.
6-Connecting with my partner, via email, phone call, IM, whatever. I need to know he's there, every day. That's all.
7-A long hot melt me to the bone and steam out every bit of tension and anything else hot hot hot shower--preferably with no visitors, no distractions and no phone calls.
8-Reading-need time to read other blogs, catch up on books, sometimes mindless flipping through magazines helps too.
Now-I am going to take a bit of time to talk about the synchronicity in my life lately-because if you talk about it-it encourages more to come-well-if you talk about it in a positive manner you're inviting more to come-shall we put it that way?
Starting with Mother Henna's post....I spent this past week in a tizzy due to things with my partner that are completely outside the realm of my control--he didn't do anything--it's a situation on his side he's dealing with--it bothers me--but it's his to deal with.
I tend to get out of control where I am, feel unbalanced, unsettled and I feel like I am always running to catch up-as I have been trying to point out here, more to myself than anything. Trying to convince the monkeys in my brain to calm the heck down and settle and quit bugging the snot out of me about what I need to be doing, what I should be doing, what I haven't done yet.
I'm getting there-I just need reminders.
After last night, it dawned on me that doing less would probably cause me to do more.
I needed a reminder.
Mother Henna's post is one of the first things I read this morning.
Hey--look--reminder.
Not too long ago, I was wondering aloud, as I am wont to do, about what sort of pens/markers work over acrylic paint. I want to start working in the altered book I have--and it's mostly all painted with lots of dark colours.
I started reading through digests of a group I usually skim through once or twice a week and the second post in the first digest I read--had links and information about which pens work on what medium.
Here's the first and the second links given about which pens work best on any given medium.
Don't you love synchronicity?
By the by-I have decided next altered book, I am painting every single page, not using anything on the pages, just paint. I prefer my painting to magazine pages/images. Now, just have to wait to find the right book.....since I am not yet looking since i do have this one to work on and in.....
And of course, I did tell you about the 'Soul Mapping' book. I finished working the first chapter yesterday. It better be useful because I hate all this let's delve into your past b/s--even if chapter one is all about "today". Chapter two is about your childhood.
There really Are Valid Reasons Why Some Things Should Be Left ALONE.
But that is just my humble opinion.
Me being me, I will scrub my way through - but I am not going to be happy about it.
Then again-lucky me-I have ALOT of other stuff to do too. :-)
Her inspiration comes from Magpie Girl, so I had to go check it out-here's the post.
My life is all about synchroncity lately.
I had to go check things out.
Which led me here:
So-since I found it today-does it mean I am early for this coming week-or late for last week?
Here are my 8 things to stay sane on a daily basis:
1-Sleep. Don't know if I need 8 hours every single night-because sometimes I work on 2-3 hours and I am good --and then there are those days I get 8-9 hours and am so tired I can't function. Somewhere between 5-7 hours seems a good happy medium.
2-Writing. Even if it is 'technically' not work related (or writing prompts/class/group related) -- even if it I sit and write the same one, or three, words over and over and over (yes, I have been known to do that-always hand-written though, not typed....).
3-Drawing. Doodling. Scribbling. Gluing and collage works here too. Playing with paint. Something that means nothing at all, but at least I am doing something that is outwardly creative--at least I have something to hold up to myself and say, here, I did this.
4-Yoga. Yogayogayogayogayogayoga. Balancer of my mind and my body. I feel lost without it. Won't even talk about how infrequently I ahve done it in the past 2 weeks either.....
5-Time to stand in the front door looking out and doing nothing at all but watching the grass grow-the shrubs grow-the birds fly-and not having to talk to anyone or react to anyone while I am doing so.
6-Connecting with my partner, via email, phone call, IM, whatever. I need to know he's there, every day. That's all.
7-A long hot melt me to the bone and steam out every bit of tension and anything else hot hot hot shower--preferably with no visitors, no distractions and no phone calls.
8-Reading-need time to read other blogs, catch up on books, sometimes mindless flipping through magazines helps too.
Now-I am going to take a bit of time to talk about the synchronicity in my life lately-because if you talk about it-it encourages more to come-well-if you talk about it in a positive manner you're inviting more to come-shall we put it that way?
Starting with Mother Henna's post....I spent this past week in a tizzy due to things with my partner that are completely outside the realm of my control--he didn't do anything--it's a situation on his side he's dealing with--it bothers me--but it's his to deal with.
I tend to get out of control where I am, feel unbalanced, unsettled and I feel like I am always running to catch up-as I have been trying to point out here, more to myself than anything. Trying to convince the monkeys in my brain to calm the heck down and settle and quit bugging the snot out of me about what I need to be doing, what I should be doing, what I haven't done yet.
I'm getting there-I just need reminders.
After last night, it dawned on me that doing less would probably cause me to do more.
I needed a reminder.
Mother Henna's post is one of the first things I read this morning.
Hey--look--reminder.
Not too long ago, I was wondering aloud, as I am wont to do, about what sort of pens/markers work over acrylic paint. I want to start working in the altered book I have--and it's mostly all painted with lots of dark colours.
I started reading through digests of a group I usually skim through once or twice a week and the second post in the first digest I read--had links and information about which pens work on what medium.
Here's the first and the second links given about which pens work best on any given medium.
Don't you love synchronicity?
By the by-I have decided next altered book, I am painting every single page, not using anything on the pages, just paint. I prefer my painting to magazine pages/images. Now, just have to wait to find the right book.....since I am not yet looking since i do have this one to work on and in.....
And of course, I did tell you about the 'Soul Mapping' book. I finished working the first chapter yesterday. It better be useful because I hate all this let's delve into your past b/s--even if chapter one is all about "today". Chapter two is about your childhood.
There really Are Valid Reasons Why Some Things Should Be Left ALONE.
But that is just my humble opinion.
Me being me, I will scrub my way through - but I am not going to be happy about it.
Then again-lucky me-I have ALOT of other stuff to do too. :-)
Aspirations
I have 'em. Yep. I do.
Even though I am sitting here with bated breath waiting for other things totally outside my control to happen-I can dream.
This is me, being too lazy to look for imagery.
Had a bad phone call first thing this morning-I let it wreck my whole day-but don't know any other way to handle things anymore. :-)
Working my way through 'The 12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women' by myself--this is the first exercise. Well, the first exercise from chapter 2.
I think the colour is fun. It's is a very pretty lilac, a lovely yellow, and gold-thinned out with something (I forget the name at the moment) that turns acrylic paint into a stain.
You can't see the little bit of shine the gold left. I barely used any on the top. Gold started out as the bottom layer. Then the yellow. Next the lilac. Then the gold again. I dabbed the whole thing over w a rag to pull out textures, remove excess paint. I kinda like it - all by itself. :-)
Then I of course wrote all over it.
I have only just begun.
More soon.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Drawing Exercises
These were supposed to all be done in marker.
Didn't want to.
Used coloured pencils instead.
We were practicing the basic elements of shape here, seeing how different people could come up with different things based upon the same directions.
My Athanor
When I close my eyes, I can feel that same sense of helplessness, knowing I had pulled out of the rest area parking lot on that all too snowy day. I knew I had made a mistake. But, I also knew I had no recourse. I had to go forward. There was no pulling off to the side of the road. I had a small child asleep in the seat next to me, depending upon me. I had to get to the next exit so we could pull out and pull aside. We never made it. Doing twenty-five miles per hour on an interstate, we hit an icy patch. The rented moving truck I was driving skidded into the middle median. I thought we’d be all right. That thought didn’t make it through my mind before we were upside down in the middle of the median and my daughter’s life was flashing through my eyes. It was so cold. The snow was coming down so thick. I climbed out of the truck, dragging my now awake and groggy child with me to check her over, nearly mad with fear and agony that she should be lost to me. I saw emergency lights a few hundred feet up the road from us. I figured they’d seen us and would be right over. I didn’t realize since we had no flashing lights they had no idea we were there. I got my daughter wrapped in her coat. I checked the bird that was traveling in the front of the truck with us. I went to check on the car we had been towing, with our dog in it. The car too was upside down. It had been thrown quite far by the accident. The dog survived. The bird survived. My daughter and I were unhurt physically. We were fine. We spent the entire day in the fire station. We were one of nearly twenty accidents that day on that one mile stretch of road.
That is not the official beginning of this story. But there is no real hard spot that I can pinpoint and say this, right here, this is where everything shifted and changed and now we started going on ahead from this point. The best I have right now is this motor vehicle accident, that day at the fire station, hundreds of miles from home, when we nearly lost everything. Without this accident, our lives may have gone down a familiar path. Maybe all those fortune tellers would have been right. Maybe some other guy would have come along to fill my days until he died in a car accident far too similar to the one we still fight to put behind us. Maybe everything would have fallen into a better place along the line financially. Maybe a lot of things would have happened. But they didn’t. This does not upset me nor does it sadden me.
Because of the accident, my best friend of eight years and I began dating. We came to find out we really were meant to be together, just like everyone had been telling us for the past eight years. Things began to come together with my writing, my art work, drawing, sculpting, doll-making. As I struggled to regain the person I was, I was also fighting to be the person I have yet to become.
The accident happened seven months ago, almost to the day today. My entire world has shifted in that time.
I feel as if I am the phoenix trapped in the flames, still buried underneath the ashes, waiting for my time to burst out and be free. This is my incubation time. This is my anthanor. I am baking and sweltering and firming up the person that I shall be when I come birthing out of my little sphere.
I am not all that special. I want to do so many things. Just cannot find the time to do it all. I want to write, to draw, to paint. I have dolls to make, bowls to throw, bread to bake, children to mold. I have gardens to grow, lawns to mow, people to love.
Far too long I have been too unsettled, to afraid, too diverse. In my little melting pot here, the womb I created and concocted for myself, I am burning away these things that hold me back. I am growing the parts I need, the ones I have been missing for so very long. I am growing a mechanism that will enable me to trust myself, one to allow me to have faith in myself, another to grant me access to my self-respect and self-esteem. I am opening my heart, widening it and allowing true love in. I am growing new flight feathers that I might soar so high before swooping down and becoming one with the Great Deep, giving up my wings for tentacles that allow me to probe unfettered and unhindered.
This is my dearest dream. I am giving birth to myself. I am creating myself in my own image. Only this time, I am free.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Pictures of Pretty Things
My loving son had to play in the rain-and since there was no lightning I said ok.
Then I saw a leaf --and this was after the leaf painting process.
And things around our front door.
Painting With Leaves
I just played with the leaf and with paint.
I just had some fun.
That being said, these pictures are only the beginnings of backgrounds for something amazing. Whatever that may be.
Leaf Rubbings
Leaf rubbing down with water colour pencils.
It's the first time I ever used these, so I was experimenting on several levels.
Playing With A Leaf
In a few minutes, you will see some playing that I did in my art journal with this leaf.
After I was done painting over the leaf and pressing it and everything else, I looked at it laying on the table-and the leaf itself had absorbed the paint. And was beautiful.
I don't think the pictures really capture the difference in the spirit of the leaf now.
But they are still cool for me, from my perspective.
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