if you do them on your blog?
I go through fits and starts with writing my morning pages. Ever since June (miscarriage), I haven't been much able to write much more than the date and the title (morning pages) and maybe a sentence or two.
I have been trying to do more, but nothing has been coming yet lately. Which is ok w me for the time being.
I woke up this morning. Ok, so I was awake-ish and the dog had to go out. She got vaccinations yesterday, so I was pretty ok about getting up at an ungodly hour to let her out, just in case she really had to go...if you know what I mean...plus, I wanted to make sure I emailed R first thing before he left for work this morning as it is his first day at his new job...
I didn't really go back to sleep. R called on his way to work to pick on me. Then, of course, work started at 8a and I always have a call first thing on Monday. Most days I have a call waiting by 8a.
When I did get out of bed, I knew today was going to be a terrific day. it is also going to be a list-making day. I love to make lists. I am good w completing a list, reorganizing a list, dropping unnecessary things off the list, adding more things to the list....
First thing, today is trash day. There is still stuff in the carport that needs to go. I took some of that out to the curb today. Also, looked at a couple things and decided I wasn't going to bother moving them.
That shed we never built--I am not keeping it--so I am going to list it on craigslist. That's on the list.
Pulled the big not my art work art work off the walls this morning--haven't thrown them out yet--it's Van Gogh and it hurts me to toss them out, even though they are only framed posters....I am waiting to see if anyone misses them before they go away. Plus, taking them down opens up and reveals empty places on the walls. I am not all together comfortable w seeing the empty spaces at the moment. Makes me feel disconnected, disjointed, not really steady or ... safe somehow....
Now--here's your warning for today:
I am putting this list together here so I cannot deny it--I cannot lose it--and if I post it here I will stick to it and not back out....
No coffee this morning. If I have coffee first thing, the milk and sugar hit my system and I won't be hungry for hours--which is not good, because my stomach has been on the way towards anorexic again lately (it happens, especially under stress...). Yesterday, with the kids and the boyfriend, I ate more than I had all week. So that was a good thing. I talked the bf into taking us to dinner, since we took the kids out for lunch, and my original intent was just to have chips and salsa (Mexican place) and a margarita--but when we got there I was actually hungry. So that helped, on many levels. Although one margarita and I was ready to go home and go to bed to sleep...all that I'm so tired just hit me before we even left the restaurant...
I am working through two Eric Maisel books at one time....very slowly....
"A Writers Space' and 'The Creativity Book'.
The exercise I am on currently w 'A Writers Space' I am applying to far more than just my writing space--I am applying it, in bits and pieces, to the entire house. Sorting through bit by bit and finding out what works and what doesn't. And w the rest of the house, that is also moving into the realm of what do I want to take into the new house and what do I want to leave behind here....
Now, my rule on the house (any house) is it has to bedrooms for everyone. So, we automatically need three bedrooms. And as much as it may scare the bf, I am still planning for more small fries at some point in the future....and right now I want my own space/room for my work--not just for the writing...but for art and sewing and gods know what else will come to mind--I'd like to be able to actually get to more of my yarn stash and fabric stash at once time....so four bedrooms would be nice....but three bedrooms is fine.
A basement is mandatory. I let go of that w this house due to the storage room...I am over that now...I need the space of the basement ....
I want a nice kitchen--it doesn't have to be perfect or five star chef quality...but I want a decent kitchen. For the kitchen here, I gave up alot alot alot...but in so doing, when we move, I did manage to accrue a great deal of storage space and cabinetry that will move easily to the next place....I am not willing to give up that much for a kitchen again....
I have been fine here, making due with things as they are...but this time...we are moving on up and we are dreaming bigger.
Washer and dryer go in the basement....
Which reminds me. Before we do move, I need to get in contact w L, the very sweet lady we bought the washer and dryer from, to see if she wants to take the washer back. There's not much wrong w it (the button to engage the spin cycle needs adjusting or it doesn't get pressed down when you lower the lid)--I just want to get my front loading washer and moving is a good excuse....although I will have to wait on that a bit too, since I may not be able to get the front loaded washer at first....we'll have to see. But when it comes to it, we will contact L and see if she wants it back....
Another thing is my smaller deity focused artwork may not be so prevalent on the walls of my future house. We'll have to see. We are still having pictures of the kids up; we are still having pictures of family up; but there are alot of other things that can be set aside for awhile. My Marilyn Monroe figures I have in my bedroom have been bugging me for awhile now...I just haven't gotten around to taking them down....
One thing that it bothered me when we moved in here that I wanted to do and we didn't was paint. We do things right in the next house, which we didn't have the space to do it this time, is to take everything room by room and paint before we set everything up--and if we have a basement--that would make everything absolutely easier.
I still want my red wall in the living room/family room. And my own bedroom is about to become a shade of red as well. Although I am still nixing E's black room...although we can do a little bit of black accenting for her. N wants a purple room...but here too I am nixing things, because purple alone will cause mental instability (scientifically proven fact, look it up) so I was thinking more of a purple wall and a green wall. Or rather 2 different shades of purple and two different shades of green.
Ah, now see, we walk into the paint discussion and I can stay here awhile.
Burnt cream into yellow for the living room. Ocean blues and greens for the bathroom--and we will at some point do the mermaid bathtub thing too....w the tub here I knew when we moved in we'd have to do something in the bathroom to fix something--so I never pushed anything about re-decorating. We were planning to uncover that window behind the plastic shower wall...but now we aren't going to bother. Like the backdoor we were going to replace. We aren't going to bother.
The kitchen I want done in darker blues and yellows and whites. lol So much opportunity to be had.....
I am not afraid this time. Last time, when we were moving in here, I was so worried, about every little thing. I am not worried with this move. I know where to get boxes. I am not afraid of hiring someone to load or to drive or to unload the truck once we get the place. I know we are not going to have any issue getting a place, once we decide for sure which route we are going to pursue. I am not that hard to please and I trust my instincts. Add into the logical disposition of the bf--and we are all covered and safe. I am not going to obsess over every tiny little detail or crack in the pavement or anything else. (Sorry--this was a jibe towards someone no longer around...oh, the stories I could tell you there....)
What is actually more scary is the more I am focusing on the yes, this is the way we are going, the more clear everything is becoming, the sooner I feel everything is going to start happening, the better things are getting, the better things are feeling and the dog-gone happier I am feeling.
So, boom, there is it. :-)
Well, I have been wanting to take all my books, or at least most of them, off the shelves and re-order everything. When we moved in here, I was just so happy about having the books with me again and shelves to put them on that I didn't really do much towards keeping different subjects all in the same space...so here I am looking for my mythological studies books and can't find them--looking for various reading books for E and can't find them....lots and lots going on....I have more than what I need, normally...it's just a matter of finding the things I want at this point....
I kept all the mirrors...I sometimes forget about that. What I worry about is moving the altars and the statues--this is something I will do by hand, myself. I always seem to forget that the mirrors are part of altars too....my brain moves from topic to topic to topic and there is no real rhyme or rhythm today...just hey look at this and make a note of it....here here this too..hey don't forget....that sort of thing....
Do you know, I really think it does not have to be either car or house. I really think we are going to find a way to swing both, one way or another... I have no clue how...but I know we will do it....
I am supposed to dream bigger, right? So, here I am. Dreaming BIGGER!
I also have to organize the schoolwork for E and for me. I have located the most recent MO homeschool laws so I am up to date on them. There is nothing there I shouldn't already be doing, so I am good there. I just need to have a more formal documentation in case it is ever needed at any time. I am wondering if, since I just ordered the homeschool IDs before we decided about the house and moving, if I should order a set of IDs for MO....honestly, I think the IL ones should cover things. We'll be in St Louis...it is not a far stretch to say we are here at the science center from IL or anything....
Among other things..so many other things to get in line and work out and work up....I still have RVS sitting here waiting to be put into the process.....
All these goals in my head. The kilt pins from my mother arrived this morning--and, oh my gosh, does she do some beautiful work. I haven't touched my shawl since June, although I look at it every night and often throughout the day....that is something that needs to be completed for a variety of reasons....I finally think I am beginning to understand why I asked her to make up four of them instead of just two. They are gorgeous (pictures are forthcoming...) I guess I need to quit 'stalling' here....and actually get to work for the day...even though despite all the typing and whatnot, I have managed to accomplish quite a bit ....
Now, for bits and pieces I have been meaning to post and haven't....at least a few I can remember now....
I am all geared up and ready to go with Jamie Ridler and crew for The Next Chapter: The Joy Diet by Martha Beck. My copy arrived some time last week, and I've been meaning to post about it ever since.
There is still plenty of time to sign up...the journey does not begin until September 18, 2009.
I don't know if I mentioned it or not, but the Hestia's Hearth group has taken on a great deal of meaning for me right now.
I am planning to write my way through leaving an abode and creating a Home.
Not to mention, as I work my way through books like: "Women Who Run With the Wolves' by Clarissa Pinkola Estes, 'Goddesses in Everywoman' and 'Goddesses in Older Women' both by Jean Shinoda Bolen, 'In The Dark Places of Wisdom' by Peter Kingsley...among many others...I am expanding and reaching out so much more than I was before. 'Living Your Unlived Life' by Robert Johnson had an extremely profound impact on me. Impact I am still working with and working through right now. There is so much going on, When I finished 'LYUL', other than thinking I needed to work and re-work some of the exercises in the book, my next thought was--terrific--I get it--I can apply it--I can work with it--where do I go next? What's the next book? what's the next journey?
And hello, ask and you shall receive...here we are sitting at Hestia's hearth and a whole new retinue of reference books to read and absorb....and I am planning to do my best....
I do not give up easily. I am used to working within and creating my own parameters in order to accomplish and to do things. That with which I am faced at the moment is nothing more than this. A pathway that I am exploring--and I have no qualms about the fact that I will come up triumphant on the other side.
Today I turned off all the a/c units--they had been set to draw the air in from outside for a few days now...I am afraid to take the smaller ones out of the windows lest a sudden heat wave attack us and I have to beg R to come over and re-do things I should have left alone...this morning I opened all the windows that I could to let in the fresh cool breeze (and the pollen from autumn pollinating trees, to which I am allergic ;-) but HEY! I can deal--that's what a neti pot is for! :-) )
E is doing her school work without too much nagging. We have a deal about the clothing in her room at the moment. Things are going very well here. It's finally good to be the Queen again here. :-)
I am looking forward to a great many things now.
Now, I have to get around to setting up the curriculum schedule, for E and for myself. The netbook is really cool for keeping track of this stuff. :-)
More to come...
Ciao....
