I absolutely love this image that Jamie created for everyone today. I fell in love with it before I saw anything else, before I saw the question, anything. Just that one word "Goddess" was all I needed to know this was going to be a powerful and amazing question. That word alone sparked something incredible within me, right away.
I woke up this morning smiling and happy. Took a couple calls. Then went back to bed and luxuriated in the fact that I could go back to sleep and not feel bad about doing it. Neither R nor I have been sleeping well lately for a variety of issues, but last night he went to bed early--and I stayed up finishing off things I needed to finish--sleeping in this morning. And even when I woke up the second time, I was smiling.
Such is the beginning of an incredible life. I keep looking back over the past 2-3 years, wondering at the things I have been through, wondering at the things the kids have been through, wondering at the things R has been through on his side too....and looking forward now to the things that we can all see very clearly that are coming...and the things that are currently in progress. It's all amazing.
And it all just walks right up to and in and through Jamie's question for us today:
What door do you wish to open?
I have asked for so much lately...and have had it all manifest for me..in some strange ways at times, but everything has more or less come to me....but please do not think it has only been the past few weeks that I have wished for these things...these are wishes I have been wishing for the longest time. Without the love and support of community, especially the ones that Jamie Ridler so tenderly nurtures and guides along, I don't think I could have or would have achieved so much so 'quickly'. I am very grateful...to everyone.
It's time to start creating some new dreams...to go with the new passion and the new life flowing into my world at the moment.
What door do I wish to open?
What door do I wish to open?
I keep seeing this hallway in front of me, each one neatly labeled: work, art, teaching, dance, home, family, love, children, marriage....I am still in the midst of re-assessing and re-establishing various outdated models of behavior and desire that I have used in the past that have become obsolete....I am finding myself confronted with the fact that deep down I still crave the same things I have always craved, I still seek the same things I have always sought, but now I do this within different parameters, with a different mindset. It's the same desire essentially, but all the details have changed.
I own my own house. Ok, so now I want a bigger house, but I am looking at the kids that will be coming.
I have that good man, and eventually we will get married at some point. Although I am still deathly afraid of the concept of marriage all together. It's so weird to actually have to admit that I am probably more afraid of things working out w R than I am afraid they won't. Although after the past eight months or so, if we can make it through all of that together and still be as strong as we are, we are not going to have any real problems at all for the rest of our life. We know how to deal with things together.
My work is just incredible at the moment and will only get better and better. One friend keeps suggesting I start doing the psychic 'fair' things that a couple businesses run locally. But she tried to do that before MD too. It's having to drag E around w me to some of these things I don't like. Plus, many of them happen on the weekends and I am not letting anything interfere w my time w N. And, no, dragging him to these things is NOT an option.
I haven't really drawn for weeks now. It's not that I lost the desire; I lost the momentum. I need to pick the 100 drawings in 100 days challenge thing again and restart.
I need to finish the two major things I have on the needles at the moment. I need to get back into my knitting. Usually, if the pattern is not too complicated, I can knit while I am on the phone. Well, can't work the lace shawl that way, but still...
Marriage. More kids. More critters. More Nature. A vacation home out far away from Humanity.
Writing. The artwork. Claywork. Metal work. Fiber arts. The dolls. Studying. Teaching. Growing.
So many different choices, all along the same path, along the same hallway...
I wish to open the door to new opportunities, new experiences, new dreams, the fresh winds of peace and clarity.
I wish to open the door to true freedom, which is something I have always preached, but always shackled myself in one way or another and prevented myself from reaching...
I wish to open myself to all the beauty and the bounty and the love that the Universe has in store for me.
I wish to set aside the unimportant and focus on what is real and true to me: my home and my family.
I wish to reconnect with the things I have thought lost to me for so long and to watch these things again blossom and bear wondrous fruit.
As Above, so Below.
Peace.
