The Knitting Journeyman

Gathering Up One Thread At A Time As I Weave This Web Of Mine.....

Monday, January 11, 2010

Hello--A Caveat, Eh....

Seems we struck some nerves with that last post—X4 after 6 months finally unfriended R on facebook—we always wondered why –as vindictive and nasty as she is—why she never removed him—now we figure she is on an anti-R and anti-T rage unchecked by knowing he’s peeking….as if there is no one else who won’t tell him everything she says….
The woman shows up w a list of her belongings at his house after breaking into his email—weeks after he actually broke up w her —pitches a fit to get her house key and garage door opener back—doesn’t even bother to return his house key at that moment—but doesn’t unfriend him? She immediately gets the dog’s ID chip changed to her information, but doesn’t unfriend him?
Someone else once said that she had the intention of getting back together w R at some point, no matter what happened in her view—because she can’t be without a man in her life. He even said she made it seem that way at the end as well—no matter how she’s acted since—but he also said that because of her own nasty behavior w breaking into his email, he wouldn’t bother, not even to try to save her from herself anymore. Up until that moment, he had hoped that at some point she’d get over herself and they could be friends on some level, or at least operate like other friends within the social circle, ones who could interact w one another after breaking up. She broke into his email and broke his trust and that was that. No matter what she thinks he did—or what she thinks I did or anything else. There is no going back – and after the past few months of her showing her butt everywhere, even if she hadn’t broken into his email, he wouldn’t bother w her.
And then—of course—there is me. Me, who has details and information that no one wants me to reveal—tidbits and savory bits about more than X4--whom we finally did give a nickname to—we nickname all our ex’s. From Buddha boy to the Yeti—and we all know bag of hammers here—Nancy boy…one of these days, I’ll be more than happy to release specific physical traits that explain X4’s nickname amongst us…but I’ll let it be for now.
I have a nasty streak, but you have to really work to get me to show it— I am one who holds the confidences of most of my friends and associates…until someone else manages to allow me to break my bonds of silence. Until by my silence I am condoning the stupidity of others—which I simply cannot do…

R has nothing to do w what I say here. He does not influence me. He does not suggest I say things. Not this year anyway. This is all me—and this recently is me sick of him trying to be such a gentleman despite someone else’s insanity. I could write a 100,000 word novel based on the situations R has explained to me about X4 over the years (or GC, as she is now known—ask me—I’ll tell you what it stands for, off the public eye zone)—and since I know the man and how he deals w women—how he deals w situations—how he sees things and how he…categorizes things—I understand his filtering mechanisms….I know I am not getting just “his” side of the story alone…there are other things I could say here—but why? To prove a point? Like how very oblivious X4 was to the way he always bent over backwards to make her happy in any given situation? All the time, no matter how bad things were?
R does not read my blog—unless someone points something out and he checks to see if I said something that rubbed someone in particular manner, wrong or right (not including my writing blogs—since he reads those periodically regardless) –X4 hates to have her business out in public, no matter how tiny a detail—maybe if she learned how to talk and how to speak up—no one else would fly her flag of utmost insipidity quite so high….R is too much of a gentleman—even though he’s had more than enough of her little tricks and nastiness –to do what I did.
I have no fear. The only people I will actually tick off are people that don’t matter to me—or to R at this point—so I fail to see where my loss is. I am more like R—I make the best of any given situation and I behave myself in public situations—but I hate stupid people—and as nice as I can be—I have my own nicknames for a very valid reason…
So—I hope you all enjoy reading the blog—maybe one of you can point out to the Queen of Everything Twisted, you know, X4, why having you all read this blog in order to exonerate her behavior and to condemn R’s (and mine) is not such a good idea—when anyone w half an eye and a quarter of a brain who knows the two of them knows—he would do anything to make things better for anyone else—and she won’t open her mouth to save her life about anything…and if she continues her games—I have always been here—and I have the kind of information about her—and many others—that she would HATE to have out—because if you think that last post was detailed—think again—that was me being nice. My issue is not w X4—my honest and most sincere hope is she some day learns to pull her head out of her butt and see the real world around her—and realize that not everyone is an emotionless robot waiting for her to deign to give them the time of day—friend or romantic partner—my issue comes from R being …tortured emotionally and feeling castigated by friends in order to be respectful to and of an x who does not deserve that respect in any capacity.
I am still more than happy to point out, X4 has done more damage to her own self than she has to R. Not to mention—he does not feel not one iota of guilt towards anything that happened to or with X4. His guilt is about the way he treated me. Not any guilt at all about how he treated her. Because he gave so much to her and to that relationship and had it all slammed back in his face—FOR YEARS. YEARS and years and years—years when I was not an issue at all …
I still enjoy hearing how he stayed w her after that first year they were together because she has so many issues and problems, and he honestly thought given time he could help her. You cannot help anyone who 1 won’t admit they have a problem and 2 who does not actually want help. Nuff said.
I also have great appreciation for conversations he and I had long ago after I moved back from WV. He knew he wasn’t ever going to marry X4—before I moved back at all—not after the whole buying her house fiasco—and there is no other word but insanity for that—he knew he’d live w her, if she could ever get around to actually asking him to move in, or asking what he thought about it, rather than assuming everything the way she does and then getting ticky because no one reads her mind. He knew there was going to be another woman coming after X4 that he would marry—that there was another guy coming for me that I would marry—and that after our spouses died or whatever else…that he and I would get together then. He knew that, but I never did. I never pursued him. I had too much respect for him. We are twin flames, he and I. He has been my brother and my keeper since we met. I do not mess w something so pure as our friendship—had I known then what I know now however, things would have been VASTLY different, on all fronts—and there would be no ex’s in between for either of us….Now that we are together, I will fight to protect him, and to protect our relationship, and to protect our family. And I will loudly announce all manner of stupidity here on this blog—and in public—and anywhere else and in any other manner necessary. Even revealing every sordid detail of everyone’s dirt laundry—even my own—especially my own.
Yes, dear, there is a Santa Claus—and I do answer questions—just email me—and I am amazing at keeping secrets—except when you piss me off and there is no reason for me to keep secrets. But that is actually fairly rare, few and far between there.
R does have the ability to ask me to stop posting about him—he always told me I could post whatever I wanted about him—at first, there were a few guidelines, but nothing major—he always knew what I wrote—he always knew when I posted something—he may not have read it every day—he still doesn’t—but before I did anything—I asked him—I still do. Simply because he has the capacity to censor me does not mean that he will. He respects my own boundaries—which is why I am allowed to write everything I do and it does not bother him in the least. He doesn’t care who reads this—he doesn’t care how far you go back to read here. He knows, in his heart and in his mind, nothing could have saved his relationship w X4—because no matter what came out of her mouth—her actions always stated that R did not matter to her, the ‘relationship’ mattered—what people thought of her mattered even more—she needs a guy on her arm to prove she is not completely worthless or unlovable or whatever else.
When I first saw R’s wedding pictures (yes, there is a reason I say this), my first reaction was—she wanted to get married. Period. R could have been a broomstick for all she cared. She needed to get married and pretend to be a big girl. To get out from under Mommy and Daddy’s roof. Some of the things he’s told me about their relationship boggles my brain—things I would never allow to happen to myself, much less to a relationship…then again—I would have bought a weed whacker for her too….I’ve seen the pictures—I know what I am saying. And yep—it’s mean—but I stand by it…
This is X4 all over. She didn’t care about R—a broomstick would be fine. A stuffed toy would be fine. You have a dog and get attention from others there too. The who is unimportant to her. That she has a man in her life that she can parade around and say –see, I am not that screwed up—I have a man, I’m better than you—that is her whole impetus. To be able to say—I am not alone. It is something I said about her years ago under other circumstances. She needs the status of being in a relationship. Her clock is ticking. She’s over 30 now—never been married—even in this day and age, in this country, it has been proven most people, whether they have lived w someone else or not, most unmarried by the age of 30 people 1 do not ever marry—or 2 they marry and divorce—and marry and divorce. It’s not psychology, dearie. It’s statistical data. Period. X4 is desperate to be loved—it drips off of her in waves—ever since I met her. I know one woman who never married until she was 56 years old; never lived w a man; but boy, did she fight that relationship tooth and nail that first year. They still have major issues, 7 years later, but the difference is, they both went in knowing the stakes, they both went in knowing the issues, they both went in willing to deal with the issues and to work and fight and brave the storm—even if the storm lasted until death they do part. X4—does not have that capacity. At all. You have to be able to think about your partner and his emotions and his well-being—and she can’t do that, based on the past 5, 6 years w R, she cannot do that because she doesn’t know how and doesn’t care enough to learn.
Now—you can blame R for what I say here all you want. But it is all me. X4 will blame him for telling me everything he did—and for showing me pictures—and everything else—because you don’t talk about X4—if she can’t speak for herself, gods forbid you do it for her—but—humans need intimate conversation—it doesn’t require sex—it requires an intimate connection—a trust—a genuine friendship—since X4 withheld this for 5, 6 yrs from R, he sought it out on his own. And not just from me either. He did his best to include her, but she has her own life to live. Well, now she has to live it—and it’s just sticking in her craw. Otherwise, it’s been 6-8 months since the break-up.
Six to eight months, depending on whether you go w R’s date (July), or X4’s date (April), and no talking, no confiding, no smiles across a crowded room—the ex hub came back to me over and over and over and over—and if D hadn’t put her foot down on one side and Tv his foot down w me on the other—that man would probably still be trying (until he found out about R—and then the shame of me ‘stealing’ yet another friend of his would just be too much, right?)—there is none of that w R and X4. Yet, obviously, she is still carrying some sort of torch over soemthing. After this amount of time, it is time to let go. For your own sanity.
Especially since you never really wanted him—until you found out someone else did. You never really wanted him—by your own repeated admissions to him. You never really wanted him—based on the way you treated him, for all these years. You don’t treat people like dirt and expect them to stay forever because you feel like having them stay around to step on.
R has read the last few posts—and has laughed a lot at them—but has not asked me to take them down—he has said I could provide more detail as I desire—it’s no skin off his nose—he’s not losing any real friends over this—as I told him all along. Most people say—it’s between you and her—and they mind their own business—which is how real grown-ups act and how real adults respond, instead of trying to meddle or get in the middle of things or cause more issues for either party. Now, many people are upset w her because of her behavior, but a lot more people are really happy the relationship is over because 1 R is much happier and more fun to be around and 2 R is much more free to do a lot more things other than “wait on (X4) hand and foot all the time”.
If what I say here bothers you—do not read it. If it bothers you, X4, that much, do something to help yourself so you can break these patterns you have. Get the help you need. Please.
If you continue to act the way you do, just remember, we are all, not just R and not just me, we are all having so much fun at your expense—and we don’t have to do anything more than watch the way you behave. If you don’t like what’s said, do something to change the way you come across to everyone else.
And know—R and I are solid—we have been for ten years. There’s nothing you, or anyone else, can do or say that can ever change that.
That’s all I have to say about things. I’m moving on now.