I keep getting hit with the same message, from every angle…stop trying to do so many things. Stop trying to please all of the people. Stop trying to be Supermom. Stop trying to try. Stop … stop … settle down and find your foundation and move upwards, inwards, ever spiraling, from there until you find your equilibrium, your happy medium. So many sources are coming at me with the same message. It behooves me to pay attention.
So, I am.
I was just starting to find things regularly on facebook when they up and changed their format…and now I am losing things again…the other day, I caught a snippet from Jamie that said something along the lines of what would happen if you started your day with ten minutes of drawing…so…I did…and I have pretty much done it every day since then—even if my ten minutes is not first thing in the morning…but I am taking that time again to draw. As I reach for my sharpie and my sketch book, I find myself wanting to scribble even more…the more I do it, the more I want to do it, the more ideas I have, the more I do it…even if I procrastinate a bit…I do it. I decided tonight I need a smaller format. At the moment. Or I will spend days applying bark to a tree that I wasn’t all that happy w when the pen hit the paper, but I started out playing and now have to finish it…I have a sketchbook of newsprint paper right now, while I get back into the swing of things, and it is 9x12…
Hey—look—segue—I went to Michaels – well, awhile ago now. Two weeks? Maybe more. I spent roughly $35 and bought over $200 worth of sketch pads, good solid ones, and lots of newsprint ones, a set of prismacolor pencils, even a spool of metal wire, a bit more heavy than ‘regular’ beading wire…I mean, I walked out of that store w three bags full of mostly notebooks of all sizes. Some were bumped. Some had a wire twisted. One the body of the pad was no longer fully connected to the front cover. We are talking I bought $20 sketch pads for under a dollar. I saw the clearance rack at the end of the row and I always have to walk past it. I honestly stood there for a second, baffled. I paid $5 for the 24 pack of prismacolor verithin pencils…that was the most expensive thing I bought. E now has a ton of her own sketchpads, so she can sit and draw w me—even though she is still not allowed to touch the ‘good’ pencils…lol…she is happy using her own and sitting beside me—so that works.
Basically, I have notebooks at my house and at R’s house. Although, I found out this week when I picked my pad up at Jamie’s suggestion, that the bag of pens in my purse…is no longer there…so I am stuck w my sharpie ultra fine point until I remember to grab my better pens next trip home…
And before you ask, yes, we live in two houses. Our nights are spent at R’s—and so are our mornings until I can manage to get E up earlier—she has a head cold now, so I don’t want to drag her out in the morning cold if I don’t have to…our days are spent at home. Seems every time I want to spend more time at my own house, something comes up. It won’t always be like that—I am reaching the point where things are settling down enough and I am calm enough…but…R isn’t back from skiing…w four dogs here…it’s just easier to stay here and run both households…I did learn to stop buying a full gallon of milk for my house unless I am on a milk kick or expecting N to stay at our house for any length of time…milk never goes bad around us…we drink a great deal of it. I had to dump roughly half a gallon last week because it had started to go bad…
Since R and I started dating, T sort of decided he wasn’t taking the kids shopping for me anymore, not for any holiday. He decided that that is R’s responsibility now and he doesn’t have to even try…not for the kids sake or any other. That’s fine. After living w the other T and having to buy my own birthday and Christmas and any other present I wanted for so many years, it doesn’t really bother me.
R made a deal w me. If I would do the research on which one is the best one for me, he would buy me a digital pen. Yes, I whine ever so much about wanting more time for myself on the computer so I can type—I even buy a netbook, and then a laptop to satisfy every facet of every experience…and now, I crave a pen in hand. Well, honestly. I have been hand-writing everything since I was ten. Give me a break. My problem is…I hate transcribing…call me lazy…call me whatever. I will sit for an hour and write out an entire scenario…and then set it in a folder to type up later…and for too much of my stuff…it’s not later yet…I found the pen that seems like the best one for me…the rest is up to him.
But, since I started the tradition of buying myself a gift, basically because I suck to buy for usually, and I want to make sure I get something I want…I ordered myself, after so much contemplation, the zentangle kit. I swear, Hybrid J gets me into more things—and they are always the coolest things. Eric Maisel kicks my butt every day—even when I am not directly reading any of his books…ever since Hybrid introduced me to zentangle via her blog, I’ve been playing w the free designs from the website and the newsletter…but I decided I really do want to go further…as I think it will bring a different light to my drawings…especially since one of my main focuses of drawing is trees…I am actually looking forward to receiving the kit….
And bedtime has come and gone…w R gone, time doesn’t make as much sense to me as usual…I was watching a program about werewolves and all of a sudden I look up. The show is now about giant pythons…it’s 11p and E is merrily working away on some project at the dining room table…so …off I go.
More to come.