Funny. How much trouble I had w this question when first I read it this morning. I was just sitting down to email an old friend…I had already emailed another older friend. I was thinking about the impression I have made on people when I was younger, how much of a difference I have made in certain people’s lives. If I hadn’t been so very weird, some people I know would never have had the strength to be just a little weird too…funny…I actually have had people THANK me for that…who knew at the time though…I just didn’t want to be like everybody else…maybe that’s why I tried so hard while I was w the ex hub to fit in and to be whatever it was he wanted me to be…even though I was what he wanted—he told me I was—he simply didn’t want it when he had it…sad. Especially for him.
Where do I wish to make a difference? In the lives of my children. Of course. In the lives of my critters. Weird to say that, huh? But I am very pro-animal rights…abused children and abused animals are my …thing. The whole, if I can touch just one life, is no longer really adequate here w me though. Am I a good friend? Am I a good mother? Am I a good priest, mother confessor, healer? Am I helping someone? Am I there for someone when they need me to be there? Am I inspiring? Do I give hope?
Uhm. Ok. This is just me. Bullsh*t. Bullsh*t. I am not all things to all people. Nor do I have any desire whatsoever to be such. The one person I need to make a difference w is me, myself and I. If I am all those others things to everyone else, then thank the heavens and earth. I’ve done something good. But, the only way to genuinely reach out and make a difference w anyone else is to start by making a difference w myself.
It’s more than the whole walk your talk thing. It’s more than just being who you are. It’s more than taking personal responsibility and being personally accountable. It’s about living your life in the way that is best for you (I am so not advocating hurting anyone or anything in pursuit of your own happiness either). It’s about starting w yourself and doing what you need to do to fulfill all your own sides, fill your own crevices, before you start to walk around working on other people, or working for other people.
I wish to make a difference w myself and for myself every single day.
Yeah. I’m in a strange mood this morning, huh? Believe it or not, I am actually in a very good mood. I am honestly in a very good space. Things are blossoming so well in my life these days. My post today is not one of bitterness, but of love and possibilities. Hehehe… if I touch someone and make a difference for them or w them, then, good. I’m glad. If not, there’s no skin off my nose either. I’m still happy.