1. He's a drunk. He's a lousy user drunk. He's stealing your money and cares less that you're ill. He is using you. Yes, he loves you. BUT you've spent over 1 year literally supporting this man while he beers, whores and binges, nearly kills himself, refuses to work at all, steals, lies and treats you worse than bar whores.
Give him up--or go down with him. It's as simple as that.
There is no middle ground for which you strive.
Hire the security guards. Get the restraining order. Stay with your folks or your family until he self-destructs after the divorce. But for the love of God and all that's Holy, save yourself and get out--cut him off--walk away--he is not worth it or he would have tried more to maintain some semblance of an actual relationship/marriage with you--or something to help and/or save himself -- or try to stop using everyone else around him. If he gave a darn about you or about himself--he try harder to save himself.
2. Stop being so nice. If you walk on eggshells with her all the time, what happens to you? If she can be herself, but you cannot, lest you displease her, what happens to you? Is this really the way you want to live your life?
3. His teenaged sons do not want to sleep with you--they do not look at you that way. They could care less about you in that capacity.
Every single woman who lives and breathes is not your enemy nor is she lusting after your man. No one really cares about him in that way, nor do they desire to steal him away and leave you all alone.
Every single man is not staring at you and wondering if you would date them or sleep with them. Not your boss. Not the guy in the 7/11. Not your hair stylist who is very gay and not interested in women at all like that no matter how sweet he is to you. Not your 70 year old therapist. Take the drugs he is offering you. You are imbalanced in more ways than one.
Yes. It is you. You are far too insecure and too needy to be able to function in a normal relationship.
Which is why you continue to gravitate towards the emotionally vapid and black-mailing cretins you end up living with and/or dating.
4. After dating a man for three months, one who has not been begging you to marry him or live with him or who is obviously not as head over heels in love with you as you are with him, you do not need to have these screaming fits about why he won't marry you. he won't marry you because it's nuts for a normal person to think that after 3 months of casual dating, where he has made a point of saying he is dating other women, because normal well-adjusted women do not freak out every moment of the day that their man may be scoping out the fat old lady wandering by--you are too demanding--you are moving too fast--and no man will date you once he realises that from the moment you lay eyes on him you are planning the wedding--they aren't ready for that level of commitment with a person they barely know--no matter how good they say you are in bed.
5. If everything is a battle and there is no relief and you have no clue why you are fighting--it is time to re-evaluate whether this is a relationship--or if you even want to be in it.