The Knitting Journeyman

Gathering Up One Thread At A Time As I Weave This Web Of Mine.....

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Why I Feel Bad For My Kid Today

My lovely dd, who is 7 years old, has been making people cry, with the things she tells them about x and her relationship to and with x. I don't remember all of the details relayed to me by third parties, but the overall gist of it is --he just doesn't care about her and he ignores her and he hurts her feelings alot and never apologises or explains anything.

The man yelled at her for vomiting one night. Now if she even has a headache or an upset tummy she refuses to go near him til she feels all better.
How horrible does it sound that a grown man screamed (her word) at a 7yo child for puking and missing the toilet?
When the grown man was asked (because by gods I did ask him) all he said was it was a time when ds had been sick and throwing up everywhere and the grown man had reached his limit for tolerance and he unloaded on the kids.
And yet--he never went back and explained that to E--E--a gentle soul who would have forgiven him in a heart beat and forgotten the entire incident had he apologised--but he can't do that. He yelled. She puked. It's all done in his mind. And she will bear the scars of it her whole life.
I had no clue this happened until weeks later, when she got sick here and was so upset and crying hysterically because she tried to throw up in the potty but mostly missed and she was afraid I would yell at her like T did. Even though she knew I wouldn't (cause I asked her what made her think I would do that to her).

She has told someone that T does not let her love on him or play with him or give him hugs and kisses. She always says "he's too busy playing his video games" or "he's too busy on his computer to talk to me".

And this man told me years ago I was exaggerating his level of disinterest and un-involvement with our relationship and the children. Hmmmm.

The most recent curse upon him was uttered not too long ago, when my dd was sitting in her big purple moon chair, looking glum and hurt and near tears. When I asked her about it--and when I finally got it out of her--she told me she doesn't like to go to T's house (even though she asks to go every week-end) because no one talks to her there. No one ever pays her any attention (except to yell at her apparently). T is always too busy with his video games or his computer games--and Niki is Niki and she has said he doesn't act the same when he's at T's house as when he is at our house. None of T's friends talk to her or include her. She is left out and ignored. She also complains of being hungry there because T doesn't like to fix her stuff unless he has to (her words) and he hates it if she gets something for herself (because she might make a mess) --so she goes hungry. And this after I spent how long telling the man to make sure she eats because of her blood sugar issues!!

BUT she asks to go every week-end. I asked her why, if she didn't like to go, why she went, and her response? Because he's my dad and I love him.
How can I tell her that's wrong--when it should be right--but T is too caught up in his own wants and desires to care about the damage he is causing her?

So the next time you hear him say I am being overly dramatic or I am making things up--or that E is a drama queen--think about it.
One day you will see--it is truly NOT me.