A few nights ago, I couldn’t sleep. The weather was in the process of changing—and that always keeps me awake, pushes me a little off-balance. Yes, I am that connected to the world around me. Do you know how long I once worked to not be so connected—and then conversely how hard I worked to regain that connection? It takes a mighty lot of work—in both directions. And, yes, it is harder to regain what you have fought to throw away than it is to throw it away in the first place.
So—Alice In Wonderland the movie, with Anne Hathaway and Johnny Depp (and a slew of others), has just finished filming or is about to be released or something in between those two things (my dad sent me an article about Anne Hathaway and her cross-dressing new role)—and I absolutely LOVE Alice In Wonderland (we will get to why in just a few minutes, to be sure).
My favourite “fairy tale” is Beauty And the Beast --have you seen my past lovers/boyfriends/spouses? ‘Nuff said right there—I am not in it for looks—I am in it for love—as my past can attest—and guess what—the whole I am aiming higher thing now definitely comes into play—even though I still love Beauty and the Beast.
HOWEVER—my favourite TALE is Alice In Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass. Beauty and the Beast is an easy one to decipher—I always try to look for the good in everyone around me—I always have—I offer that level of trust til my hand gets bitten off. But why Alice?
We are not getting into the whole was the writer stoned (or whatever) when he wrote Alice—I do not care. We are taking just the tale of Alice and are moving on from there.
I get it. I get Alice. I get feeling like a complete alien in a world that seems to want to accept me but doesn’t--or that doesn't want to accept me but I keep trying to fit in anyway. I have felt like this my entire life. Look—I was always the new kid—I was always the strange one, the different one, the Outsider. Even in groups where I ‘should’ have fit in—I didn’t. That’s why I am one of the few people who went through high school and I was friends with everyone—the popular kids, the smokers, the geeks, the sluts, the nerds—all of them were my friends—some better friends than others to be sure—but still. I’m smart – I’m pretty – and I have always wanted to be loved (which is my real downfall in life really). In Alice—there is the whole little girl lost—and surrounded by amazing and fantastical creatures and people—I get that. Every day I get that. I am constantly surrounded by the strange and the bizarre—on so many levels.
I love the new line of Alice books that have been created – and I like that there is a larger depth to everything in these books. I want more of them too. Frank Beddor is a bloody genius.
Anyway. I spent HOURS literally going through ebay and etsy looking for nothing in particular about Alice in Wonderland.
I ended up buying some digital artwork – because I have some amazing ideas (especially after seeing all the altered art and altered jewelry – I especially love the altered globe. I even bought a digital Alice calendar—and my friend is going to help me print it out. My colour ink cartridge is low—and I don’t have the paper to make it worth-while—and I also lack the ability to divide up the pictures in the way the instructions state. I was just willing to take it to a printing place and pay them to do it. A good meal in payment for time and ink and effort seems so much better.
I also ended up buying the bracelet (see previous post) from my children for me for Valentine’s Day—I am wondering if I should do what I have planned for my birthday or not. I bought the ex something because my driver had a possible trip out of state to make this week-end and the ex’s birthday is next Saturday—so I ordered something (both kids approve—although only one did when I bought it) because I wanted to be sure we had something for him—even though I had to tell him we have to hope it’s here in time. I so hate making the effort for someone who could care less—but I have to make the effort because it’s from the kids and it’s important to them and for them.
If all else fails I did buy a doll (again with the whole I want a doll thing that we can get into later) for myself—before I knew about Youtsuzu—I wanted a rag doll—I have even been scoping out Waldorf and Waldorf-styled dolls of late—the time before this when I couldn’t sleep, when it was storming. I wanted someone I could hold and cuddle with and sleep with—just like a little kid, yes. Sometimes it helps. So much has been taken away from me for so long that sometimes a doll can be a very comforting thing. Add in the it’s good if she’s washable factor—because my kids will touch everything (which reminds me—N really loved Elannah last night—the first time he really saw her or played with her—I was quite impressed).
I also bought this keychain by Delphine Levesque Demers. I don’t really care for the anime stylization—but I thought it was cute—and I have a GREAT deal of admiration for her work—there are actually a couple of her prints that I may go back and get once I am better able to do so.
And then—there is this card that I absolutely could NOT resist because as weird as it sounds—I treat the riddle like a koan all the time—so—why is a raven like a writing desk? One of my old writing blogs was named after this riddle—and I still have a working email address that uses this riddle in part. It was just too cute to pass over.
I was thinking of buying these prints as well—they have the utter simplicity that I love—but they were not—involved enough to make it more worth my while there.
I pulled out my old half-done altered board-book just a little bit ago. It is absolutely perfect for my Alice project.
Here’s an image for you—this is what I feel like on a normal basis—the picture of Alice being overcome by the deck of playing cards—where they swoop up in a tidal wave to overtake her. It’s a beautiful and terrifying image. And yeah—that’s me—every single day.
Anyway—since I am absolutely determined at this point to work on my Alice board-book. I will keep you updated here. At one point or another. Always a journey. I am always on a journey.