Jamie is so GOOD at those questions that seem to simple, but upon examination tend to explode into this deep catharsis type thing.
My original intent was to just say—I want to meet all my goals. Ok, well, it is obvious I am not finishing the diotima shell today, as my goal was to have it done by the end of the month. All my writing goals. All my house cleaning goals, at both houses. All my goals in regards to the small people. All my goals in regards to the pets. Yada yada yada.
So, yes, those are very respectable goals. Yes, I very much want to accomplish these things, as well as all the other goals I have set for myself, written down in a variety of different places, note cards and notebooks…but that’s not the crux of the issue.
I want to be happy. Funny, the closer I get to it, the more happy I have, the more I actually want to have in my life. I have been happy deficit for so very long that even the smallest taste of it goes a very long way.
I want to live out away from human society. Strange for a Healer and a Priest like me, I know. I like my people. I pretty much hate society. I will openly admit to being a misanthrope, every single day. I want to find that niche between the here and now that is the world and the world before it all went to hell in a hand basket. I was born in the wrong century. We all know that. I want to find that place where I am happy and comfortable, somewhere between the 16th century and the 21st century.
Maybe I said that wrong. I do not want to FIND anything. I want to create that space for myself. I want to create that balance between the past and the present, between Society and Humanity (no, they are not the same things).
Yes, I think that is it.
I wish to create my own space and my own niche in this world, from whence I can operate as Society would have me operate and from whence I can pursue all those myriad habits and art forms that once were deemed mandatory in life, like spinning, raising rabbits, growing food, self-sufficiency.