The Knitting Journeyman

Gathering Up One Thread At A Time As I Weave This Web Of Mine.....

Friday, April 17, 2009

Wasted Space

Today I found myself face to face with a space—a space in my life and in my closet—for a man who is no longer coming. For a man who is no longer welcome.
It was a very odd feeling, hitting that space, staring at it, baffled by it. It took me a few seconds to figure out what it was and what it was asking.
The poor thing wanted to know why I was turning it away, why I was casting it out.
See, the man had been promised for years. So I had held on to this space, and some clothes that we all just knew were for him.
Well, now, I made a different choice. Rather than waiting for the next twenty years or so to pass with one man until I could finally be with another, I decided to by-pass the middle-man all together. I am taking the man that would be there throughout everything and I am starting with him.
The opportunity presented itself—and who am I to say, no, I don’t want to be blissfully happy my entire life with the one man I am destined to live with and love with regardless of any other partner between us, when it is presented to me right here and now, and on a platter?
I faced the thing and said quite plainly, “I don’t need you anymore. I don’t want you here.” I told it, “Just go away now, to wherever you feel you came from.” I nodded it towards the door, “Wherever you feel comfortable, other than here.”
It gave me the teary puppy-dog eyes routine. I wasn’t budging. I immediately hopped up, leaving a good story right at a crucial juncture, and ran to my big closet. I yanked out the shirts I had been saving for ‘him’, the thriftess in me thinking, hey I can salvage the fabric, while the woman in me thought, out out damned spot. I threw the shirts into the garbage can. I didn’t even turn around to look back. They were gone.
I walked through my house, trying to find any other pockets of space being held for a man who was no longer welcome to appear, and I cleaned them all out. I filled them up with other things, other images, other energies. No more are welcome. We have a full house. This family is complete.
That is a really good thing.