The Knitting Journeyman

Gathering Up One Thread At A Time As I Weave This Web Of Mine.....

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Quick Check In

Full Moon goals? Did I meet them?

Well, the dream board is completely done. And it looks and feels amazing.
The Tweedle twins are made and done and dedicated. Just waiting for names and stories. Guess what Mondays are for. :-)
The Tabitha Doll was dedicated. I just need to find a place to put her so I can see her all the time. I needed a visual reminder of my Muse-instead of say a great huge galloping sea weed strewn mare. :-)
I at least started the surrender box, even though I have not yet gone any further.

I didn't do anything drawing-wise towards the Donkey Chronicles--but I did finish one piece in connection with that series. I started a second--and have a couple others planned. They are Ancestors bits. They are not as easy as they sound, even though they are non-fiction pieces. Some of them may hurt other people, and for this I am sorry, but not sorry enough to stop speaking my truth.

Today was a wonderful day.
The boy slept in a little. The girl woke up a little early. Perfect balance there.
I opened my gifts-and found myself getting 1 mini three musketeer bar before the rest were devoured by the kids.
I received a mini rose bush, pale pink, which is gorgeous. I received a mini grow your own herb kit-which I think is awesome. I find it interesting that E felt the need to ensure I got a kit with oregano seeds-as I am not much of an oregano person. Give me basil and sage and I am happy. For the most part.
I got a foxglove plant too--I need to look up information on that.
A few other really cool things. It was my best Mother's Day yet, since the first one, before E was actually born-but we won't go there-cause I'm being sappy--even though I have told this tale since that day with the same inflections and respect-but still-considering who I am dating he'll think I am just saying it cause it was he who did it. :-)

The ex missed a very important lesson yesterday. I feel very bad for him. He took E and N to shop for a gift for me for Mother's Day. He went out of his way to curb the financial investment on his end. I can respect that--when there is a need to economize. His reasoning is, and I QUOTE his reason as said in front of me to the children, even if I cannot get the nasty tone of voice right, HE is not spending ANY money on ME.
It's not the money. It's not the gift. It is the THOUGHT--and the thought doesn't even have to have a thing to do with me. It is the fact that "Dad" took the kids to the store to be nice and kind and thankful towards mom for everything she does as a mom. Dad here turned it into a battle of wills--his desire to subjugate me versus the kids desire to see me happy.
The man did have a very valid point--all I actually wanted was the stuff N brought me that he made at school. N gets very proud of himself. E does too--when she does such things. Bboth kids are loving generous little people.
What T missed was the opportunity to connect with the children over something, even if he cannot stand me and is so jealous of me right now he could spit fire and nails. He missed that connection with his children. He missed connecting with them and he missed teaching them what he swears is his religion--loving kindness, compassion for all others.
He misses the point of your actions speak way louder than your words, every single time.
He may think N doesn't care, doesn't see, doesn't notice. N does see. N does hear. N does notice. N does ponder and worry and think. No one gives that boy any credit. He has the most open and generous heart I have ever seen, if people will stop judging the outward stuff and will step back and just listen to him.

As much as I hate to say it, my favourite actual gift today was something I bought for myself. A biography of Lillian Hellman. I was supposed to buy this book. I am supposed to read this-after I finish the one about Iris Murdoch. Strong women who lived their own way. Can't really imagine why my Guides keep shoving those at me. :-) Not to mention-both were writers too. :-)

My all-time favourite thing today though was the time R spent w me. Just being held and talking. Even though I am a nut case and I worry about the weirdest things. The sex may be (and it IS) the best i have ever had-but there is so much more to this relationship. It's a balance thing. I am very thankful this man is in my life. I always have been. I am more grateful now that things have shifted and we are more than friends. Because we are still friends, first and foremost. That's the best thing. Although it scares me--how much of me he holds. Trusting at this level is not an easy thing for me. But he does everything in the world he can to make me feel ok with things. Even when I am an A-1 nut job. :-)

Other than that-I give in tonight.
I have to go to bed.
I have to get up tomorrow.

We bought the stuff for stage one of our building the fourth side of our fence today.
We get to pour a little concrete. Dig a big old hole. What fun. :-)

More to come.